


The Sword-Bonding Part 1

by Jane Jones (raynewton)



Category: Star Trek
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-27
Updated: 2017-09-27
Packaged: 2019-01-05 20:20:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 49,189
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12196701
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/raynewton/pseuds/Jane%20Jones
Summary: When T’Pau realises that Spock wants Kirk, she forces him into a sword bonding. Kirk is resentful because he was given no choice…





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Originally published in Duet VI

Sword Bonding  
by Jane Jones  
aka Ray Newton

  
After the conclusion of the ceremonies on Altair the Enterprise returned to Vulcan carrying - at T'Pau's request - the official Vulcan delegation headed by Ambassador Sentron. Kirk was not exactly delighted at the assignment, but accepted it with a good grace - T'Pau had, after all, smoothed over any difficulties with Starfleet Command over his disregard of Admiral Komack's orders.

  
The Vulcans were very little trouble, keeping mostly to their assigned quarters. Indeed, the only real impact they had on the Enterprise was the constant stream of messages received from and sent to Vulcan. Uhura, on discovering that one of the Ambassador's aides was a communications specialist, arranged an auxiliary console for his use, and thereafter was free to concentrate on her own duties.

  
Thankful for such trouble-free passengers, Kirk concentrated his attention on Spock. On the way to Altair he had talked long and seriously with his First Officer. Spock had faced him hesitantly, nervous and ashamed, but Kirk had been able to reassure him - while he might not understand fully, he was well aware that his friend's actions had been outside his control. The two men had returned thankfully to their former relationship, and for some weeks now Kirk had felt that the incident was closed.

  
Now he was not so sure. Spock seemed slightly nervous in his presence, and since leaving Altair had twice broken an arrangement to play chess with Kirk. Indeed, off duty he seemed almost to be avoiding his Captain.  
Thinking back, Kirk was certain that Spock's nervousness stemmed from the evening when he had spent several hours with Sentron in the Ambassador's quarters; before that he had been normal; afterwards...

  
Torn between concern for his friend, and respect for his privacy, Kirk had said nothing, hoping that when the Vulcans left the ship Spock would return to normal. Perhaps, he reflected, Spock was simply reacting to the presence of fellow Vulcans on board the Enterprise.

  
If Kirk had been worried that the diplomats might show any hostility or contempt for Spock, his mind was quickly set at rest. Sentron seemed to regard the younger man with considerable respect, and his aides followed his lead. More surprisingly, he was also interested in Kirk himself, as he made clear at the end of the customary tour of the Enterprise.

  
"Captain, I would enjoy talking with you further. Would you do me the honour of visiting my quarters this evening?"

  
"I'd be delighted, sir." Kirk wondered why Spock had not been included in the invitation, but knew better than to ask.

  
The evening passed pleasantly, and Sentron seemed as pleased to speak of Vulcan as he was eager to hear of Earth. Kirk was fascinated by this intimate glimpse of a way of life that had shaped his closest friend, and was pleased by the degree of understanding Sentron showed.

  
"It was not easy for Spock," the Ambassador said at one point. "As you know, Captain, we are taught to reject any display of emotion, but children are very cruel. Because Spock had first to reconcile his Human and Vulcan natures, control was harder for him to achieve. He was mercilessly teased for a long time, and occasionally gratified his tormentors by displaying an emotional reaction that horrified but fascinated them. It was some time before anyone knew that was happening, and put a stop to it."

  
"How?" Kirk demanded.

  
Sentron smiled thinly. "The wisest and most revered of their teachers confronted the class, pointing out how illogical and emotional their own behaviour was, that they could take pleasure in tormenting a fellow being.

  
"Spock, he pointed out, was a more worthy disciple of Surak than they - he never retaliated, never complained, but endured patiently. Such praise, from such a source, made them re-evaluate their actions; thereafter they accepted Spock for what he was, and grew to honour him for his brilliant mind. As does all Vulcan."

  
"I'm glad about that," Kirk said softly. "He is a very special person."

  
"Indeed," Sentron replied.

  
During the evening a light meal was served by Sentron's aides; Kirk enjoyed it, and the delicate, refreshing fruit juice served with it, which the Ambassador told him was often drunk on his home planet.

  
As time passed Kirk found himself becoming sleepy. It was increasingly difficult to concentrate on what Sentron was saying. His eyelids grew heavier, and he struggled to his feet, intending to frame a polite excuse to leave. That was his last clear memory for some time.  
Voices echoed around him, and he tried to hear what they were saying; hands touched him, and he reached out, seeking help. He could not see, could not hear, could not speak; all sensation faded, as though he had suffered total sensory deprivation.

  
Suddenly a sharp sensation flooded through him, and his eyes flew open to meet the concerned gaze of McCoy. He gazed wildly around, aware that he was lying on a couch in Sentron's cabin.

  
"What happened, Bones?" he asked thickly, wincing as his head pounded abominably.

  
"You're drunk, Jim," McCoy said cheerfully.

  
"It was my fault, Captain." Sentron stepped into his line of sight. "I am deeply sorry... I did not realise... The juice of the kalatha is harmless to Vulcans, but Dr. McCoy has explained that to Humans it is a powerful intoxicant. I apologise to you, Captain."

 

 "I understand." Kirk stood up gingerly, wondering just when the top of his head would fall off. "However, if you will excuse me...?"

  
"Of course, Captain."

  
Sentron moved to open the door as McCoy followed Kirk from the room, offering unobtrusive support as soon as the panel slid shut.  
"Ouch!" Kirk winced again as the two men headed for the turbolift.

  
McCoy grinned broadly. "Looks like you'd better stick to just plain water in future, Jim. Come on, let's get down to Sickbay, and I'll give you something for that head."

  
***

 

The following morning Sentron was still apologetic. "I trust you suffered no lasting ill effects, Captain?"

  
"No, I'm fine. A couple of McCoy's pills and a good night's sleep put me back together again."

  
"I am pleased. May I ask you, Captain... " The Vulcan hesitated. "May I ask you not to mention this unfortunate incident to Commander Spock? I would prefer him not to know that I had been so thoughtless."

  
Kirk smothered a grin at the idea of an embarrassed Vulcan. "I won't say anything," he promised, "and I'll tell McCoy not to either."

  
"Thank you, Captain Kirk - you are most gracious. Now, to another matter. I am commanded by Lady T'Pau to request you to visit her when we reach Vulcan. She is most anxious to speak with you."

  
"With me?" Kirk looked puzzled. "I don't... "

  
"It concerns... your last visit to our world. T'Pau believes that you are entitled to an explanation, and an apology. We beg you, Captain Kirk - allow us to make what amends we can."

  
Kirk hesitated. He was not sure if he should become further involved in what had been a very painful experience for his friend, but perhaps he could learn something that would help Spock; and he did not wish to antagonise the powerful Matriarch.

  
"Very well," he said at last. "I'll be honoured."

 

***

  
Vulcan was not exactly the most popular planet for shore leave, so in compensation the Starbase was equipped with all the facilities dear to the hearts of weary star travellers. Kirk, as he prepared to beam down with the Ambassador's party, was relieved that at least his crew would have the chance to relax. He smiled ruefully at his First Officer as they met in the corridor; Spock was wearing formal Vulcan dress.  
"You too, huh?" he grimaced, adjusting the collar of his dress uniform.

  
"T'Pau has commanded my presence," Spock replied quietly. "Captain... afterwards...I hope that you will accept the hospitality of my home? My parents are away, but I would welcome the opportunity to show you something of Vulcan."

 

"I'd be pleased to, Spock. Let's hope this doesn't take too long - I hate all this formality."

  
"Yet you do it so well," the Vulcan murmured, the hint of a smile in his eyes vanishing as the door of the transporter room slid open to reveal Sentron and his aides.

  
***

  
They materialised in the reception hall of the large building that was both T'Pau's official residence and the seat of the Vulcan Council. There was a brief pause as the aides beamed down with the party's luggage, then Sentron was beckoning Kirk forward.

  
"If you will come with me, Captain?"

  
Kirk fell into step with the Ambassador and Spock followed, the honour guard that had greeted them forming an escort. They walked for some time along cool, silent corridors, and Kirk was just beginning to wonder how much longer it would be before they reached their destination when Sentron indicated a side passage.

  
"This way, Captain Kirk."

  
Kirk began to turn, but was halted mid-step by a sudden cry from behind him.

 

"Jim! No! You must go back to the ship... "

  
Kirk whirled, to see that the guards had closed in around Spock, who was struggling desperately to reach his Captain. Before the Human could react they hustled him away.

  
"Spock!" Kirk started in pursuit, but Sentron reached out and gripped his arm, Vulcan strength holding him easily. "Let me go!" he snarled.

  
"It is useless to strugle, Captain. You must come with me. Do not interfere."

  
Kirk gazed at the now-empty corridor, then turned to Sentron. "What have you done to him?" he demanded.

  
"Spock is perfectly safe, I assure you. All that has been done, all that will be done, is for his welfare. It will be explained to you. Come."

  
Reluctantly Kirk allowed himself to be led a little further along the corridor. Sentron indicated an open door.

  
"Please enter, Captain."

  
Kirk passed through the doorway, then turned as a force-field flared into life behind him. "What the hell's going on?"

  
Sentron stared back at him impassively: "Please make yourself comfortable, Captain. T'Pau will send for you when it is time. If you wish privacy, you may close the door. The force-field will remain in operation, and there are guards in the corridor. Please do not attempt to escape - they have orders to stun you."

  
The Vulcan moved out of sight and Kirk stabbed angrily at the door control. As it slid shut he turned to look around the room. His luggage stood by the bed - it seemed that he was expected to spend some time here.

  
Puzzled, but not yet seriously alarmed, Kirk moved over to sit at the desk, wondering just what was going on.

  
He reached for his communicator, but was not surprised when only static answered his call; if the guards had permitted him to keep the device, it could only be because they knew that the Council Chambers were shielded to communication. Kirk waited with what patience he could muster.

 

***

  
Hours crawled past, and still there was no explanation for his imprisonment. He was disturbed only once, when two of the guards entered with a tray of food. They were unarmed, but knowing the futility of attempting to fight two Vulcans, Kirk wisely made no attempt to do so. The guards, in turn, were polite - even respectful - but totally uncommunicative. They would give him no answers to his questions, and his demands to see Spock, or T'Pau, or the Terran Ambassador, were all met with polite refusals.

  
At last, realising that he was getting nowhere, Kirk ate his meal, made use of the tiny bathroom he found attached to his cell, and lay down on the bed, grimly determined that tomorrow he would demand some answers.

  
The following morning he was wakened by guards bringing in breakfast. Reflecting that if he was a prisoner, he was at least a valued one, he finished the meal. This time the guards waited while he ate, and he was just about to repeat his demands for an explanation when one of them said quietly, "T'Pau will see you in two hours, Captain."

  
Though politely spoken it was clearly an order, but Kirk was in no mood to quibble. The guards removed the trays and left, securing the force field behind them. Kirk showered and dressed, instinctively donning his uniform - it would do not harm to remind T'Pau of his rank - then sat down to wait yet again.

  
Almost two hours later the buzzer sounded at the door of his cell. Smiling faintly he moved to open it - only the Vulcans could so respect the privacy of a prisoner. The door slid back, and to his utter astonishment Spock stood outside, barred from entering by the force field.

  
"Spock!" he gasped. "Thank god; Get me out of here!"

  
The Vulcan glanced at the guard who hovered at his elbow. "Leave us. I was promised this."

  
The guard nodded and withdrew. Kirk stepped as close as he could to the force field.

  
"Help me, Spock."

  
"I cannot, Jim." The level voice held infinite sadness. "I have come to say goodbye."

  
"You... You're leaving?" Kirk stammered. "But why? And what about me?"

  
"We will meet again, and very soon; but we will not be... as we are. You will not... " The dark head dropped, and Spock leaned against the doorpost for support. "Forgive me - I am very tired... "

  
"What's wrong? Won't you tell me?" Kirk's fear for himself was overwhelmed by concern for the Vulcan's distress.

 

  
"T'Pau will explain, I could not bear to... There is little time, and I wanted... wanted to speak with you once more, before... "

  
"Are they going to kill me?" Kirk kept his voice calm pith an effort as the possibility occurred to him. "Is it because I survived the Challenge?"

  
"Kill you? No, not that... You will be cared for, honoured, protected as no-one of your race ever has been on Vulcan. But the price... the price... "

  
"Spock, don't! Tell me what you can, my friend."

  
The anguished eyes lifted slowly to meet his. "That is the last time you will use that word to me. I cannot... To see hatred in your eyes... "

  
"Spock... " Kirk reached out impulsively, only to draw back as the force field flared high, repelling him. "Tell me," he urged softly. "Whatever happens... later... right at this moment we're friends. Let's keep that as long as we can."

  
Spock moved as close to the field as he could, his voice dropping to a scarcely audible murmur. "Jim, yesterday T'Pau told me that I must choose, finally and forever, to be Human or Vulcan. For your sake I knew that I must deny my home and my people and I tried... I tried so very hard... 

"But you could not?"

  
"The ancient drives are too strong. Physically, biologically, mentally, I am Vulcan - to deny it is impossible."

  
"I understand."

  
"Do you?" Spock smiled bitterly. "Yes, I believe that you do - or that you think you do. But tomorrow...? I wonder." He glanced quickly to the side, then looked back at Kirk, holding the Human's gaze. They are coming to take you to T'Pau - I must go. Remember, Jim, that whatever tomorrow may seem to prove, you will always have my respect and my loyalty. These I pledge to you. And... "

  
"And?"

  
"You also have... my love."

  
As he spoke Spock turned and vanished, giving Kirk no chance to reply. Before the Human could collect his scattered thoughts the guards were at the door, releasing the force field and beckoning him from his cell. Kirk obeyed, knowing that it was useless to resist; they could restrain him easily - and besides, it seemed that his only hope of learning what was going on was to see T'Pau.

  
He was led along the corridor and into a small, richly furnished room; the guards indicated he was to sit down, then restraints built into the chair were switched on, holding him firmly, but without discomfort. Silently, the guards withdrew.

  
Automatically Kirk tested the restraints, finding that they tightened as he moved, loosened as he relaxed. He sat back resignedly, considering while he waited the strange conversation he had just had with Spock.

  
Whatever was about to happen, Spock clearly expected it to turn his Captain's friendship to hatred. Kirk shuddered at the implications, but before his confused mind could follow the line of thought further, the door opened and T'Pau walked into the room.

  
She was alone, without any of her usual attendants and advisors. Sitting down opposite Kirk she leaned forward and studied him closely, a hint of compassion in her eyes.

  
"Thee would ask many questions, James Kirk. I will answer them. There is a reason for all that we do. It may seem harsh and barbaric to thee, but it is the Vulcan way.

  
"It begins with Spock and T'Pring. Vulcans are a proud people, and although T'Pring wished to marry Stonn, she would have honoured her childhood bond - until she learned that Spock desired another. She is young and foolish - she could not endure to be the wife of a man who did not want her, even though she did not want him. She hoped that Spock would not appear at Koon-ut-kal-if-fee, thus releasing her from her promise. Spock, unwilling to shame her, and obedient to his father's wishes - and for another reason thee will learn later - was prepared to fulfil the bonding. He came at the appointed time to the appointed place.

  
"T'Pring had only one chance, and she took it. She called the Challenge. However, she could not risk Stonn's life in combat. To save Stonn, to punish Spock, she named thee her Champion.

  
"Did thee not wonder, James Kirk, why I permitted thee to accept, when I clearly knew thee did not understand that the fight was to the death? It was because I knew that Spock could not kill thee. All proceeded as I had planned, until the doctor interfered."

  
"I don't understand."

T'Pau's eyebrows rose. "How should thee understand? It has been kept from thee until now. Learn, then, that Spock desires thee as mate."

  
"I... don't believe it!"

  
T'Pau ignored the interruption. "I knew it the instant I entered the Arena. No Vulcan could mistake the agony of need that screamed at us there. T'Pring did not. She knew - and she hated thee for it."

  
"No... you're wrong. You must be."

  
"I have known and cared for Spock since his birth. He is important to Vulcan. His needs will be met. We will not permit him to die."

  
"To die?" Kirk caught his breath painfully. "What do you mean?"

  
"Thee cares what becomes of him? Even after what I have told thee?" T'Pau sounded surprised.

  
"Of course I care! He's my friend."

  
"Perhaps there is hope, then," T'Pau murmured enigmatically, "though it will not be quickly fulfilled. However, to answer thy question...  
"Spock returned to the Enterprise certain that he had killed thee, and prepared to face the linger-death as a result. He stated it before us all. 'I shall do neither,' he answered when I bade him live long and prosper, 'for I have killed my Captain - and my friend.' There is no death penalty on Earth or in Starfleet for such an act. He meant that his own needs would kill him. He was content - he did not wish to live without his love."

  
"But... " Kirk looked bewildered. "He told me the danger was over."

  
"The blood fever had indeed been broken, but he was in pon farr, and did not mate. His Chosen, as he thought, was dead, and he could take no other. Being unbonded, he had not died with thee, but he would not long survive thee. Then he returned to the ship - and learned that thee still lived."

 

"But... he gave no hint... "

  
"It was in his mind to serve thee as long as he might, then to allow the doctor to believe he had contracted a fatal Vulcan illness. So he would return home and die, leaving thee free."

  
"He should have told me," Kirk whispered.

 

"What purpose would it have served? He had looked into thy mind, and knew thee would never accept a male as mate."

  
"Then why all this? Why have you interfered now?"

  
"Ambassador Sentron reported thee alive. We knew then there was a chance to save him. James, we of Vulcan honour Spock. In his early years many mistakes were made, mistakes which caused him much pain and sorrow. In our arrogance we demanded that a half-Human be wholly Vulcan - what he suffered in attempting to satisfy that demand, I think none of us will ever know. Yet he survived to shame us by his achievements. He is a living example of the teachings of Surak in their purest form. We cannot lose him."  
  
"But the... what did you call it?... The linger death?"

  
"That can be averted, and will be. The Vulcan Council has decided for thee and for him. Thee will be given to Spock."

  
"Given to... No; you can't do that:"

  
"We can, and we will. Spock will obey our decree as every Vulcan must. He will take thee, and live. Do not blame him for that, James - it is hard to refuse the thing most desired, even when by doing so, all else is lost.

  
"He fought hard to spare thee, but Vulcan was too strong in him."

  
"What... " Kirk moistened dry lips. "What will you do with me?"

  
"Some of the Council advised that thee should be bound and delivered to him, a chattel for his use. Spock pleaded with us not to shame thee so, and we were persuaded. Thee will be given one chance."

  
"A... a chance?"

  
"Our mating rituals are ancient, and steeped in the passions of our violent past. Male bonding is honoured by our people, as it was in the time of the Warriors. But... thee would never consent to a free bonding. Since Spock will not take thee as a slave driven to his bed, we were forced to look to the past for an alternative. Thee will be Sword-Bonded."

  
"What does that mean?"

  
"In the Old Time, if one Warrior desired another who refused him, the Warleader would order both to be taken to the Valley of Fire. There the Warrior would hunt down his Chosen, and if he defeated and captured him, would forcibly bond with him. His mind taken, the defeated one would have no choice but to accept him as mate. This we have decreed for thee."

  
"Spock will... hunt me down? Take me by force?"

 

  
"That is how it will be, unless... "

  
"Unless?

 

"Unless thee can first kill him, James."

  
Stunned, Kirk slumped back in his chair. This couldn't be happening! Not on Vulcan, the logical, civilised heart of the Federation!  
"I can't do it," he managed at last.

  
"Thee has no choice." Compassion softened the wise old eyes. "Spock had- bowed to the decree of Vulcan - he desires thee, and he will take thee. It may be some comfort to thee to know this, however. Although Spock will use the enforced bonding to compel thy physical submission, he and all Vulcan will honour thee as his chosen mate.

  
"Now, attend. Tonight thee will sleep, and gather strength. In the morning thee will be given a sword and provisions, and thee will be taken to the Valley of Fire to face Spock. If he defeats thee, thee will leave the valley Sword-Bonded to him, his honoured mate. If thee can defeat him, thee will be free to go."

  
"Defeat him?" Hope lit Kirk's eyes. "So I don't actually have to kill him?"

  
T'Pau gazed at him sternly. "If thee are victor, to leave him alive would be sheer cruelty, James. Would thee condemn him to the linger-death? I will be frank with thee. If he is defeated and survives, thee will never be safe until the day of his death. My promise to thee binds the Council, but Spock has many friends. Some would think shame not to capture thee, and take thee to him. Think not that he would spare thee - by then he would indeed be consumed with need. Thee would then be a chattel indeed."

  
Turning, T'Pau summoned the guards. "Return the Captain to his room, and see that he is given food. Think on what I have told thee, James. I shall hope that when I next greet thee, it will be as Spock's bondmate."

  
***

  
Mid-morning found Kirk surveying the harsh yet beautiful landscape of the Valley of Fire. He had been released just after dawn to give him - as he was told - a chance to learn something of the Valley and to acclimatise himself before the hunt began. Spock would not be permitted to follow him until noon.

  
The Vulcans had dealt as fairly with him as their customs permitted, he conceded; his equipment and supplies had been adjusted to allow, as far as possible, for his Human constitution. Although he still wore his uniform he had been given a desert cloak to shield him from the Suns by day and to keep him warm at night, his first-aid kit included a cream to protect his skin from the risk of sunburn; his sword and knife, the only weapons he was permitted, had been chosen to suit his strength; his food supplies were suited to his needs, and he had been given additional water flasks in recognition of his greater need for liquid.

  
What he most needed, though, was time, Kirk thought; and that they had not been able to give him. He had been told he would be allowed to leave the valley only as Spock's captive, or as his killer. Neither alternative was acceptable. But... If he could find somewhere to hide, if he could evade Spock for long enough, he would eventually be missed. Enquiries would be made, a search mounted... and with the resources of the Enterprise, he would be found. His first action had been to seek out a safe hiding place.  
Water would be essential - but Spock knew that too, and would look for him near the Valley's only oasis. Yet if he moved too far away he would expose an unseen danger every time he ventured out for water; not only danger from Spock, but also from the prowling le-matyas.

  
Memories of a book he had once read provided inspiration, and he began to explore the caves high in the cliffs that bonded the valley. He rejected several before finding one that exactly suited his needs. The entrance was low enough to be easily blocked, it was high enough to allow him to move comfortably inside, it commanded a good view of the stretch of valley below, and - most importantly - it was not already occupied. Kirk carried his supplies inside.

  
The problem of water was more easily solved than he had dared hope. Far back in the cave he discovered a rough basin-shaped depression in the stone floor. He emptied his water flasks into it, realising that in the coolness of the cave the precious liquid would not evaporate, then hurried down to the oasis to collect as much as he could.

  
Several trips later the basin was full, and Kirk smiled with satisfaction - there was enough water there to last him for at least two weeks, especially if he remained hidden and inactive during the heat of the day.

  
With an anxious glance at the position of the Suns, Kirk hurriedly completed his preparations. A small pile of boulders, looking like a natural rock fall, hid the entrance; it could be dismantled easily either from outside or within, and the gaps in its construction gave him a vantage point from which he could keep watch without the risk of being seen.

  
The Suns were almost directly overhead by the time his preparations were complete. Kirk checked quickly to make sure he had left no footprints, no sign of his presence outside, then slipped into his refuge, blocking the entrance behind him. All he could do now, was wait.

  
***

  
The hours passed with agonising slowness for Kirk. He did not dare leave his hiding place; he had no idea at what point the Vulcan would enter the valley, and although the path below remained clear, Spock could be within feet of him and he would not know.

  
With no other distractions, there was nothing to do but think. This passive waiting was contrary to his nature, and made him restless and resentful. In any other situation he would have gone defiantly to meet whatever challenge awaited him, but this time...

  
This time there was no enemy to fight. Only Spock, whose only crime had been to desire a mate who could not love him as he wished. He didn't deserve to die for that.

  
And that was the choice T'Pau had given him. Accept the bonding, submit his mind and body to Spock, or kill his First Officer and friend.

  
Kill Spock? His hands shook at the thought. Even in his anger and resentment he did not think he could bring himself to kill the Vulcan. Certainly he could not plan in cold blood to destroy the man who had served him so loyally until now.

  
And yet... the alternative... to go willingly to Spock, to submit to... No. He could admit that he loved the Vulcan, more dearly than the brother who had long been a stranger to him, that he would give much to have Spock always at his side; but this price was more than he could willingly pay. He remembered bitterly that in the end the choice might not be his to make, but he pushed the thought aside, aware that he would not know how he would react when - if - Spock found him, until it happened.

  
No, this was a time when courage must yield to caution. He could remain hidden, wait for the Enterprise to find him; then somehow, whatever it cost, whatever had to be done, he would find a way to break Spock's obsession with him, avert the linger-death that waited for the Vulcan.

  
/And if you can't?/ A small and frightened part of himself asked fearfully. /If there is no way?/

  
There was no answer.

  
***

  
By the third day of his self-imposed imprisonment Kirk was restless and bored. The water was holding out well, his emergency rations sustained him, the desert cloak protected him from the chill of the nights. With nothing to occupy him, the restricted view he had of the valley became very important to him; he studied the small patch of territory intently, watching the comings and goings of the small wild creatures that lived near his cave.

  
The normality of their movements was reassuring - as long as they came and went freely he could be sure that there were no predators in the vicinity.

  
On the third evening, as the Suns were sinking towards the horizon, the tranquillity of his tiny domain was suddenly broken as a flock of tilinya birds rose noisily into the sky. They circled, protesting shrilly and Kirk froze, wondering what had disturbed them - it was too early for the le-matyas to be hunting...

  
Darkness fell, but still he remained on watch, tense and expectant; it was almost with relief that he saw in the distance the flicker of a camp fire. At least he knew where Spock was...

  
Kirk smiled suddenly. The behaviour of the birds had given him an unexpected ally. All he had to do was watch the movements of the birds - they would tell him when Spock had left the area. Then it would be safe for him to leave the cave for brief periods - their panic-stricken flight would warn him if the Vulcan doubled back. Pleased at the prospect of a change of scene, however limited, Kirk settled dorm to sleep.

  
He was just dozing off when a faint, familiar sound reached his ears. Alone in the darkness Spock was playing his harp, a tune Kirk recognised. Taken by surprise, he felt tears sting his eyes as the music carried him back to quiet evenings on the Enterprise. He remembered the first time Spock had played for him, the night after Gary Mitchell's wretched death. Spock had risked his life and sanity - the first of many times - to draw Mitchell's wrath on himself, giving Kirk the chance to shoot. With shame Kirk remembered that even then he had hesitated, reluctant to kill his friend, until the sight of the proud Vulcan on his knees, creeping, almost broken, had shocked him back to sanity.

  
They had comforted each other that night... and so many nights afterwards... surely something of that remained?

  
Sadly Kirk gazed at the distant glow of the fire, wishing with all his heart that he could just walk down there, talk to Spock... He half rose, then sank down again with a faint sigh. He dared not take the risk. Spock had warned him that he would obey T'Pau's orders - that he wanted to obey.

  
Suddenly the music ended in a discordant jangle of sound. Kirk sprang to his feet, staring out anxiously into the darkness, but he heard nothing more. The fire burned steadily, but there was no sound, no movement.

  
Kirk listened a little longer, afraid that he would hear the kill-scream of a le-matya, but all remained quiet. Slowly he lay down to rest at last, thankful that Spock had not been attacked, then smiled wryly at his stupidity - Spock's death would have solved his problem without putting any responsibility on him - but he wanted Spock to live...

  
***

  
The first rays of the Sunrise wakened Kirk from a fitful sleep, and he crept to his vantage point. A thin column of smoke wavering into the still air marked where the fire still burned; even as he watched it vanished as the hunter broke camp.  
Soon afterwards Kirk began to see the signs that told him Spock was on the move. Small animals scurried through the bushes, birds rose screaming into the air, all the time coming closer and closer. He shrank back, although he knew Spock could not see him, and the breath caught in his throat as for a fleeting instant he glimpsed a moving figure below. Then it vanished from sight, and he relaxed.

  
The signs of movement were far in the distance when Kirk moved at last, clearing the barrier from his cave. He felt that he had to get out, to move around, and Spock was far enough away now for him to risk a short walk - only a few minutes, then he would return to the cave, he promised himself, and the distant wheeling birds would warn him if the Vulcan began to retrace his steps.  
For lack of any definite objective he found himself heading for Spock's campsite; it was not far, and easy enough to find - he had watched the fire last night long enough to know in what direction it lay.

  
Only a heap of ashes remained, and a depression in the soft ground where a body had lain. Kirk glanced around quickly, and was turning to go; then something in the remains of the fire caught his eye, and he pulled out a scrap of charred, blackened wood. For a moment he stared at it blankly - it was part of the curved neck of a harp, Spock's favourite instrument.

  
Shuddering, Kirk glimpsed briefly the torment his friend must have undergone that in his anguish he could destroy so treasured a possession. Angrily he brushed the tears from his eyes before they could fall. If only it had been any adversary other than Spock; a stranger, someone he could have hated, whose defeat he could have planned in cold blood. Instead his gentle, loyal friend had been driven to hunt him down by a compulsion he could not deny...

  
Slowly Kirk replaced the charred scrap of wood. "Spock; I'm sorry." he murmured. "I'm so sorry."

  
"I too, Jim Kirk," a voice said quietly behind him.

  
Kirk spun around. Spock stood a few paces away, watching him closely. Beneath the desert cloak the Vulcan was naked save for the weapon harness of a warrior. He was holding the short, almost knife-like sword used for in-fighting, and as he stood there he was both terrible and familiar."How?" Kirk managed at last. "I was s watching last night... You moved away."

  
"That was what I wished you to believe. I brought a sehlat with me, Jim. My... hunger for you told me that you were nearby. It seemed safer to lure you out of hiding rather than pursue you among the rocks; you might have been injured, however careful I was. So I ordered I-Tala to lay a false trail, knowing that your restlessness would draw you out of hiding if you thought it safe."

  
"Clever," Kirk conceded. "So what happens now?"

  
"Will you yield, Jim Kirk?" Spock raised the sword fractionally. "Do not make me fight you. You know how this must end. It will be... easier for us both if you submit now."

  
His eyes fixed on the sword, Kirk shook his head stubbornly. "I... can't. You know that. I almost wish I could... but I can't. I'll fight you, Spock, if I must."

  
"And kill me?"

  
"I... don't know."

  
Kirk was so intent on watching the threatening sword that he missed the rapid movement of Spock's left hand. Suddenly he was staggering back, his eyes full of sand; half-blinded, with tears streaming down his face. Hands gripped his upper arms and he was pulled against the Vulcan's rock-hard body, He was held for a moment in a fierce embrace, then lowered to the ground. Cool water splashed over his face as Spock carefully bathed away the fine grains of sand. As his vision slowly cleared he felt warm fingers settle on his face, searching for the contact points, and although he felt no communication from Spock, he knew that the Vulcan had entered his defenceless mind.

  
"So stubborn," the soft voice crooned in his ear. "You would fight me, though it broke your heart. I will take the decision from you, Jim. You will submit."

  
"No!" Kirk panted as Spock released him and rose to his feet. "I don't want to hurt you, Spock, but if you force me to it, I will. I'll never submit."

  
"The choice is no longer yours, Jim. I have made it for you." The Vulcan turned and began to move away. "Follow me."

  
To his utter horror, Kirk's body obeyed the command. He felt himself climb to his feet and begin to move after Spock; despite all his efforts, he could do nothing else.

  
After a few yards Spock looked round. "You see, Jim, you have no choice."

  
"What have you done?" Kirk demanded angrily.

  
"I control your mind - you will obey every command I give you. It is safer for you so. I have not... " He hesitated. "I have not touched upon your privacy in this - your thoughts are inviolate. It is the tasran - the control of one mind by another. Had I wished it, I could have wiped all independence, all individuality, from your mind, moulded it to my will, and made of you a docile, obedient partner. But... I would have destroyed you, Jim, and I cannot do that. You will hate me - but at least you will know who you hate, and why. You will obey - and in time you may be reconciled."

  
Kirk spat.

  
Spock gave a faint smile and continued on his way; his reluctant prisoner followed as closely as his shadow.

 

***

  
They walked all day, heading deeper into the valley. As sunset approached Spock halted, looking around.

  
"We will rest here for tonight. Help me make camp, Jim."

  
Kirk was conscious of a feeling of sheet disbelief as he moved around, gathering fuel and helping Spock to build a fire. He and Spock had often set up camp together, but never before under such strange circumstances. Somehow he had expected that if he was captured a sexual approach would follow immediately; to his surprise Spock was behaving and talking normally, as though nothing out of the usual was happening.

  
Spock prepared food for them both while Kirk cleared a patch of ground, moving away stones and smoothing the thin soil. They ate, and cleared away, then Spock picked up Kirk's desert cloak, settling it around his shoulders.

  
"Rest," he said quietly. "Tomorrow we will continue our journey."

  
"Where are we going?"

  
"To the Cave of Fire, where I will enforce our bonding. There is nothing to fear - I will not touch you until then." Spock lay down at Kirk's side, and reached over to rest a hand on his arm. "Do not attempt to run," he warned. "You cannot escape me, and there is nowhere for you to go."

  
The Vulcan was asleep within moments, but Kirk lay awake, staring up into the star-filled sky. Spock's hand on his arm was like a fetter binding him to a future he both hated and feared. He shifted position slightly, and the hand tightened instinctively; Kirk was careful to lie still thereafter.

  
A faint hope stirred in him when he saw a small rock just within reach of his free hand. He could stun Spock, he thought, get away from here... Certainly the Vulcan would come after him, but if he could get a head start, somehow evade anyone else in the area, find his way to the Starbase... someone there would help him. No Terran would allow a fellow-Human to be simply handed over to an alien. Once back on the ship, he would be safe.

  
/And without you, Spock will die./

  
Kirk pushed the thought away angrily. There must be other options - he would think about it when he had time to spare for something other than his own predicament.

  
Slowly, Kirk stretched out his hand towards the stone, but as he moved a low growl jerked his head round in sudden fear.  
It was not a le-matya, as he had expected. Beside the fire a sehlat raised its massive head, regarding him unblinkingly. Kirk withdrew his hand. He dared not risk attacking the creature's master; it was said that sehlats were gentle, but they were also known to be intensely loyal and protective. For the first time Kirk began to realise that he might not, after all, escape the fate T'Pau had decreed for him - and he knew fear.

  
Soon after sunrise Spock woke Kirk, permitted him a hurried meal then continued the march. He was hurrying now, eager to reach his destination; the sehlat walked at Spock's side, Kirk followed a few paces behind.

  
It annoyed Kirk that the Vulcan did not bother to check that he was following; gradually he began to lag further and further behind, and at last sat down, watching as Spock continued on. When the Vulcan made no attempt to call him, hope surged again - perhaps he could slip away... He rose, turned - and found himself unable to take a single step. A wave of panic filled him, a compulsion that could not be resisted. Swinging around he found himself running after Spock, unable to stop until he had resumed his former position a few paces behind the Vulcan.

  
Without looking round, Spock said, "It is the tasran, Jim. You are compelled to remain within reach of my hand. It is not strong enough to hold you while I sleep, but once we are bonded its power will increase. I will not, of course, always keep you as close as this, but you will find that it acts as a form of subconscious... censor. You will be unable to say or do anything that will betray the truth of our relationship."

  
"Mind control." Kirk sneered. "To think I once believed that you'd never do that to me."

  
Spock made no answer.

  
At last the Vulcan halted, pointing at the valley wall ahead. "The Cave of Fire," he announced.

  
A cave entrance into the towering cliff had been intricately carved into the figures of pre-Reform gods, the ancient Vulcan deities of battle. Spock uttered a word of command, and I-Tala approached, nuzzled his hand, then loped off back into the valley.

  
"He will return to his own concerns until I have need of him again," Spock said. Taking the Human's arm, he led him into the cave. "Whatever you see and hear, Jim, do not be afraid - you will not be harmed."

  
"Of course not!" Kirk said bitterly. "I'm only going to be forced into... into marriage... with the one person I thought I could trust... my best friend is going to rape me, but no, I'm not going to be harmed. I'd hate like hell to know what you think would harm me!"

  
The hand that held his arm gripped tighter. Spock refused to meet his accusing glare, but his voice trembled slightly.

  
"Jim, please do not provoke me - not now. My... emotions are too close to the surface. You must understand... this is the way of my ancestors, as it has been from the Time of the Beginning. I cannot and will not release you. I know that you reject this bonding, but I will enforce it. Do not make me hurt you, Jim... please."

  
The desperation in the quiet voice frightened Kirk, despite his attempt to deny it. He said nothing more, but allowed Spock to lead him through the low entrance into the cave beyond.

  
The brightness of the interior surprised him; then he saw why this was called the Cave of Fire. A vast pillar of flame shot up from the floor, towering high overhead, casting a vivid glow over the interior of the cave. The wall curved round to enclose it on three sides, and the living rock had been carved and shaped so that it was - on an immense scale - just such a fire shrine as burned in Spock`s cabin on the Enterprise.

  
"Magnificent, is it not?" The Vulcan's voice sounded almost normal as he turned to Kirk. "It was formed so long ago in our history, that not even a legend of its creation remains."

  
"What is this place?" Kirk asked, marvelling at the images his mind conjured up of the long-ago craftsmen who had toiled under such dangerous conditions to produce this wonder - even at this distance the heat of the flame seared his skin.

  
"It was the place of the warriors," Spock answered. "Here they gathered to meet with their own kind; here, in the presence of the Fire, bondmates came to make their vows; here treaties were negotiated, pacts sealed, oaths of vengeance sworn. My ancestors worshipped fire, and something of that still lingers in us." The dark eyes fastened on Kirk's face. "Here male bondmates still join in life and death... and here the Sword-Bonded are brought to make their submission," he added softly, reaching out to unfasten and remove Kirk's desert cloak. For a moment he studied the Human, then commanded, "Undress."

  
"No!"

  
But even as he refused, the tasran compelled him. His hands moved to his shirt, and helpless to control his actions he removed it, kicked off his boots, and peeled off his trousers and briefs. Finally he stood naked in the light of the fire, his discarded clothes littering the ground before him.

  
"On your knees," Spock ordered, and Kirk sank down. The Vulcan stooped, chaining his ankle to a post set in the ground.  
"Jim, listen to me." Spock tilted Kirk's head back. "Listen for these last few moments while I remember that you are the Captain of the Enterprise, as well as my Chosen. At the conclusion of the ceremony I will take you. I will forget that you are male, my Captain and my friend - I will see only my desired mate, newly bonded to me. Do not fight me, please. You cannot win, and I will hurt you if you struggle. I will try to be gentle, to... to bring you pleasure - but I will force you if I must."

  
As he looked up into the wistful eyes Kirk choked back the angry words that rose to his lips. Instead he spoke to the anxious, protective friend.

  
"Spock, I can't promise not to fight you. The very idea of this revolts me. But... I'll try to remember that you can't help yourself - and I'll try not to hate you for it."

  
A hand touched his hair lightly. "Jim... I do love you." A whisper.

  
Kirk watched as the Vulcan walked forward to kneel at the base of the flame, its crimson light splashing over his bowed head. Taking advantage of being unwatched, Kirk tested his bonds and found that they held - there was no escape.

  
Spock was rising, moving to the side of the cave where a stone table held a tall flask and a goblet. He turned and came towards Kirk; holding out the brimming cup he knelt in front of the Human.

  
"Drink."

  
Kirk stared at the dark liquid, shaking his head in instinctive refusal. Spock immediately caught hold of his hair and pulled his head down, pushing his face into the cup so that he had no choice but to drink, or choke on the rich, heady wine.

  
Satisfied, Spock released him and finished the drink, tossing the cup away when he had finished. He remained kneeling, his dark eyes fixed on Kirk's face.

  
"Forgive me," the Vulcan whispered again almost inaudibly, then the powerful body stiffened as a low, rhythmic chanting; filled the cave, rising and falling in time with the leaping flame. The words were in High Vulcan, so that Kirk could not understand them. A rich, musky scent filled the cave, as though incense had been thrown on the fire, and Kirk felt a strange lethargy steal over him as he breathed in the smoke.

  
Spock's eyes were strangely compelling. Unable to look away, he fought to understand their silent message. There was something Spock wanted of him. He must obey... The voices rose, deepened, his blood quickening in answer as fire burned its way through his veins. A desperate need filled his mind and body, a hunger that would not be denied, that demanded fulfilment...

  
Seduced into obedience by the subtly-drugged smoke, Kirk reached down between his legs to curl his fingers around his limp organ. It throbbed to his touch, yearning and eager, promising him pleasure beyond imagining if he would only give it the satisfaction it craved.

  
At once Spock moved, rising to stand behind Kirk. Sword in hand he leaned forward, intently watching the busy fingers as Kirk stroked and squeezed himself to erection. The Vulcan's breath came faster, echoing the hypnotic chanting, the rhythmically pumping hand; then as the first tremors of release shook the kneeling body at his feet he leaned forward and pushed the hands away.

  
Kirk gazed up at him, his body aching with frustration. His eyes were glazed, hunger and bewilderment struggling in their golden depths.

  
Fighting the urge to crush the enticing body in his arms, to possess his mate at once, Spock leaned down to Kirk. The razor-edge of his sword flashed between them as with the precision of a surgeon he sliced a tiny cut in Kirk's lower lip, a similar one in his own.

  
The pain, insignificant though it was, aroused Kirk from the drug induced languor; but it was too late to resist, as the Vulcan's hands closed on his shoulders, drawing him close against the powerful body. Their mouths met as Spock sank to his knees. Spock was sucking at his lip, and with surprise he tasted the coppery flavour of the Vulcan's blood in his mouth. A hand bushed his throat, caressing, pressing deep; reflexively he swallowed, his stomach churning. Spock drew back then, and the Human shuddered at the sight of the red stains on the Vulcan's mouth.

  
The hands that gripped his shoulders slid upwards, one fastening in his hair; the other stroked his face lightly, then settled into position, pressing demandingly as the fingers sought and found the meld points.

  
/No!/ The... plea... rang in Kirk's mind as he felt the Vulcan's thoughts touch his. Disbelief, horror - and a touch of fear - filled him as the response sliced into his brain with the sure accuracy of a sword thrust.

  
/Thee are mine; I claim thee, and I will keep thee! Thy mind and body I take, I will hold. Bondmate, thee are conquered!/

  
Kirk's mind recoiled, then lashed out in furious rejection. His resistance was countered, smothered, and triumphant laughter filled him.

  
/Do not struggle so, little one. Be reconciled./

  
/Never!/ Kirk projected the thought with all his strength, but his captor ignored his protest.

  
Deeper and deeper the unrelenting probe sank into his brain. Kirk shrank from the invasion, but gradually he sensed that Spock was not intruding on his thoughts and memories - instead he was intent upon reaching every part of his being. It seemed to Kirk that his very soul stood naked and trembling, his will powerless to struggle any longer. Spock was inextricably entwined around every fibre of his being - he could no more fight the Vulcan than he could deny his own longings - and Spock was making him want things he dared not name - they did not come from his own mind, he reassured himself fiercely. He was possessed utterly, a part of Spock; yet somewhere deep inside a small flame of defiance still burned - and in a very strange way, he knew that Spock was pleased at that fervent resistance.

  
/It is done./ The solemn thought filled his mind. /Never and always touching and touched, parted and never parted, I claim thee and I hold thee. Bondmate, submit./

  
/I... acknowledge the bond./ Kirk replied reluctantly.

  
A surge of triumph filled his mind. Abruptly Spock released him, stood, and gazed down at his kneeling figure. Then he turned to face the flame, his hands held out.

  
"Brothers, I claim my mate. Sword-Bonded, he submits to me."

  
Kirk watched in disbelief as a group of Vulcan men appeared from the shadows of the cave. They walked in couples, all dressed as warriors, all armed. Halting a short distance away, they gazed steadily at the Human.

  
Under their intent gaze Kirk coloured, miserably aware of the still erect penis throbbing between his legs; with shame he felt it grow still harder as Spock's hands stroked his shoulders.

 

"His body burns for me," Spock said arrogantly, "as mine for his. I have taken the mind of my Chosen. I demand that you acknowledge him."

  
"Brother, we have witnessed the bonding, and we acknowledge your mate." It was the oldest of the group who spoke. "He is welcome in our Company, and on Vulcan. James Kirk of Earth, Spock of Vulcan, let your bonding now be consumated according to our Tradition."

  
For one horrible moment, as Spock leaned towards him, Kirk thought that Spock would take him then and there. The Vulcan only released his chains, however, and drew him to his feet. Then, to Kirk's utter humiliation, Spock picked him up and carried him deeper into the shadows of the cave.

  
***

  
When Spock set Kirk back on his feet at last the human looked around in some surprise. He had expected another cave - instead they were standing in a large room that was almost barbaric in the luxury of its furnishings. Rich tapestries covered the walls, thick rugs were soft underfoot. A meal was laid out on a low table set before a low couch. As the smell of the food reached him, Kirk realised just how hungry and thirsty he was.

  
"This is the Place of Mating for those who follow the warrior tradition and take male bondmates." Spock's voice was gentle, reassuring. "Come and eat, Jim - you must be hungry."

  
Thankful that he was not to be immediately subjected to a sexual assault - as he had been rather nervously expecting - Kirk sat down on the couch, pulling its silken cover across his lap. He glared defiantly at Spock as he did so, but the Vulcan merely smiled, and sat down beside him.  
"Drink this - it will refresh you."

  
Kirk sipped at the tart juice, watching as Spock filled a plate from the serving dishes and set it before him.

  
"I'm not hungry," he muttered ungraciously.

  
Please eat, Jim." Though phrased as a request, it was a command. For a moment Kirk thought of refusing, then he shrugged - he was hungry, and it would be more sensible to save his strength to fight when it really mattered. He began to eat, enjoying the food despite his embarrassment at his situation, and Spock too chose his meal and ate.

  
At last the Vulcan leaned back. "There is a bathroom through here, Jim," he said, indicating a doorway. "You will find everything you need."

  
Thankful for yet another respite Kirk rose and headed in the direction Spock had indicated. Colour burned in his face as he walked - he could feel Spock's eyes on him, and knew that the Vulcan was watching the movement of his naked buttocks, and he fought down the urge to hurry, not to let the Vulcan know that he was embarrassed. He closed the door with a sigh of relief; there was no bolt, but he did not think that Spock would refuse him privacy here.

  
In contrast to the room outside, the bathroom had every modern convenience. As well as a bathtub there were two showers, one hydro, one sonic, and as Spock had said, everything he might possibly need was laid out ready for use.

  
He made use of the sanitary facilities, then chose the hydro shower, taking pleasure in the feel of the warm water as he lathered his hair and body. Clean, he switched on the dryer and turned in the warm air; then he stepped out and looked around for something to wear.  
There was a silky robe hanging on a hook and he donned it quickly - it ways thinner than he would have liked, but it offered some concealment, and he had been half expecting to find nothing at all. Dressed, he looked around, reluctant to return to the other room, but before he could think what to do next there was a tap on the door.

  
"Jim, have you finished? I would like to shower now."

  
"Coming," he called, and tightening the belt of his robe he opened the door and stepped out.

  
Spock smiled at him - an oddly reassuring smile - and disappeared into the bathroom. Kirk waited for a moment, then hurried across to the door by which they had entered the suite. It was locked, and too strong for him to force. He whirled, making for the window; it looked out onto a sheer drop into a ravine below - there was no escape that way either, it seemed. The only other door gave onto a small kitchen, well stocked and equipped - there was even a food processor.

  
Reluctantly Kirk returned to the window and stood looking down. That seemed to be the only way out; perhaps, if he was careful, he could climb down?

  
He put out a tentative hand to the glass and slid it open, realising as he breathed in the cool air that it must be close to evening. He leaned out, examining the sheer rock face, looking for any possible escape route.

  
"1 do not advise it, Jim." Kirk whirled as the amused voice spoke lazily behind him. "There is no way down. It would be very humiliating for you to be carried back by the guards."

  
Spock came forward and laid hands on Kirk's shoulders. "You are mine, my bondmate. Accept it."

  
"No!" Kirk shook his head defiantly.

  
Slim fingers brushed his temple. "The choice is not yours to make. When you are aroused - and I can arouse you, Jim - the bondlink will compel your body -to seek satisfaction from mine. You will not care that I am male, that I force you... you will know only desire, and be unable to refuse."

  
The hand left his face: and an arm encircled his shoulders to turn him and lead him to the bed that dominated the room. His knees shaking, Kirk allowed himself to be pushed down onto the edge - indeed, he was not sure how much longer his legs would support him. He watched as Spock busied himself at the table, then returned, holding a glass.

  
"Drink, Jim - the wine will heat your blood," Spock smiled, a little sadly, "Later, if you wish, you can blame your response on the wine, or on my control... you need accept no responsibility for what you will do."

  
Kirk sipped at the glass, recognising the taste of the spiced, drugged wine he had been forced to swallow in the Cave of Fire.

  
"More," Spock urged, tilting the glass towards him, until it was empty. He set it aside, and his hands reached for Kirk.

  
The Human closed his eyes, suppressing a sob of fear. His every instinct was to fight, but he knew how useless, how humiliating it would be. He could not hope to defeat the Vulcan.

  
Kirk had faced torture without flinching; but this was too much, "Please, Spock," he whispered brokenly. "Please don't do this... don't make me into a... "

  
A hand covered his mouth, silencing him. "Do not beg, Jim. I cannot spare you. The pon farr was only suspended, not dissipated. Already my blood burns. I am only rational now because you are here, in my arms, in my bed. The tasran ensures that you will respond - if you do not, the blood fever would rise again, and in my madness I would take you with no control... you would be hurt. Jim, look at me."

  
Reluctantly, Kirk opened his eyes. Spock was gazing at him with a strange mixture of longing and sadness.

  
"Jim, I do not wish to hurt thee - I wish only to give thee pleasure. But I will know thy body."

  
Slowly Spock reached out to the tightly-knotted belt of Kirk's robe and slid the garment off his shoulders. Kirk coloured as the dark eyes appraised his nakedness, and a shiver ran through him as gentle fingers brushed his nipples. At the contact he gasped aloud at the strangely pleasant thrill that ran through him, and Spock leaned down to capture his open mouth in a kiss.

  
It was not in the least what Kirk had been expecting, He had tensed, awaiting a passionate, possessive assault that rammed into his shrinking body without any preliminaries. Instead the kiss was gentle, tentative, almost questioning - the kiss of a lover, not of a conqueror. The warm, cat-rough tongue licked delicately at the surface of his lips, then growing bolder it explored the inside of his mouth, pursuing Kirk's tongue and entwining with it in a slow, sucking caress.

  
A most peculiar sensation ran through Kirk, centering at last in a helpless trembling deep within his belly. It was becoming increasingly difficult to hold himself rigid - there was an almost irresistible temptation to relax into Spock's arms.

  
Slowly Spock's tongue uncoiled from his and withdrew from his mouth with a moist farewell caress on his lips. Spock pulled away slightly, and the dark eyes gazed into his.

  
"Your body rules you now," the deep voice murmured huskily. "Your will is in abeyance for a time. It is safer for you so, my bondmate. Have no fear - my mind will instruct yours, and your body will obey... willingly."

  
Rising, Spock stripped off his own robe and lay down on the bed, pulling Kirk on top of him. His hands moved over the Human's shoulders and back, light caresses that slid gradually lower and lower until his fingers moulded the soft flesh of the buttocks.

  
"Kiss me, Jim."

  
Resentment flared in the hazel eyes, but the mental control held, and Kirk lowered his head to the waiting mouth. His tongue thrust gently at the closed lips and they opened to him, welcoming his tentative advance.

  
Spock groaned, and his hands tightened, pulling Kirk's hips closer, and the human knew panic as he felt a growing hardness against his belly - Spock was sexually aroused. One of the Vulcan's hands slid upwards, the fingers combing through his hair, while the other began to rub slowly along the cleft of his ass. For an instant there was pressure on the tightly-clenched muscles that guarded the entrance to his body, then the hand drifted away and Spock was turning him, lying beside him, looking into his face.

  
Kirk closed his eyes, deliberately refusing to meet the questioning gaze. At least, he thought smugly, he was unaroused; let Spock take what pleasure he could - he could not force response.

  
He had forgotten the bond link that had been forged between them. Spock laughed softly and leaned down to nip at his ear. The hands moved again, a teasing, insistent caress, stroking his body to new life. His nipples ached as they were rubbed and pinched until they stood out prominently on the smooth chest; the skin of his belly shivered involuntarily as the fingers trailed down and across the firm flesh; his thighs quivered, began to part, and it took a deliberate effort of will to hold them closed - an effort that was instantly negated when the gentle, compelling mind-voice spoke in his brain.

  
/Open to me./

  
Kirk sobbed once as he felt his body's obedience, its eagerness. How was it possible, he wondered desperately, that his treacherous flesh should yearn for something that filled him with loathing. He was no saint - had never pretended to be - but he'd never resorted to rape, and had always despised men who did. And this was rape, for his mind screamed its denial, even though his body being compelled to respond to the use made of it.

  
"I will give thee pleasure," Spock promised thickly. "I will teach thee to beg for my touch."

  
The dark head bent lower, and Kirk shuddered in shamed ecstasy as the cat-tongue licked at his belly, down the sensitive folds of skin at the tips of his and traced moist patterns on his thighs. His penis hardened, began to swell, and something deep within Kirk longed to know how that hot mouth would feel around him...

  
He forced the thought away, sick with horror, but it lingered in the depths of his mind, mocking him.

  
/No responsibility,/ a strange new part of himself tempted. /You're drugged, he told you that; he controls your mind, and there's no way you can fight this. Wouldn't you like to know... how it would feel... to be... taken? You could find out... you only have to ask... /

  
Spock's fingers traced a burning line along the length of his penis, bringing the organ fully erect. Kirk's hips rose as he thrust instinctively, and the Vulcan's other hand slid under his buttocks, supporting him.

  
As though hypnotized Kirk stared at Spock's mouth, watching as it opened; the Vulcan licked his lips, his eyes on Kirk's groin, then the quick tongue darted out to swirl around the throbbing head of the Human's penis.

  
Kirk heard himself groaning, and even he was unsure whether it was in protest, or in a plea for more. All he could see was the dark head as it bent lower and lower, all he could feel was the warm breath that fanned his groin. Then his aching flesh was sheathed in a warm, wet cavern; a delicious sucking began, the sensations mounting higher and higher; Kirk's hips thrust awkwardly until the Vulcan steadied him, guiding his rhythm; his head tossed on the pillow, sweat beading on his forehead as the impossible, forbidden rapture grew more and more intense. Sobbing, he looked down at Spock's intent face, finding it impossible to believe that Spock should want to do this to him, and that a man's mouth could arouse him. Then the pleasure grew impossible to bear, his body convulsed, and he felt himself ejaculating into Spock's mouth.  
Dazed, incredulous, he watched the movement of Spock's throat as the Vulcan swallowed greedily. How could any man take pleasure in such an action? he wondered. And yet the heat of Spock's mouth had been...

  
Refusing to finish the thought, he stiffened as Spock moved to sit up on the bed. He reached out to Kirk, pulling the Human into his arms until he was lying with his cheek resting on Spock's thigh. Inches from his face he could see the Vulcan's swollen penis, the double-ridged head stirring blindly as though it sensed his nearness, his vulnerability.

  
Warm hands cupped his face, drawing him closer. "I have tasted the seed of your body," the Vulcan murmured. "Now you must drink from mine. Open your mouth."

 

"No... please... "

  
But the tasran controlled, parted his lips, and with a shudder Kirk felt the thick hot flesh fill his mouth.

  
"Good." The hands were surprisingly gentle as they held him. "Now, suck."

  
Kirk obeyed, helpless to do otherwise. He was awkward, clumsy, both unused to, and afraid of, the response he could feel in the intruding organ. The taste was overwhelming - not unpleasant, exactly, but unlike anything he had ever experienced, and the feel of it was like smooth satin over rigid metal.

  
Gradually he became aware that one of Spock's hands had left his head and was stroking lightly over his face, his throat, and down to his chest, the fingers tugging at his nipples before continuing down to caress his belly. The shaft in his mouth thrust deeper as the Vulcan leaned forward to suck at the taut nipples, and Kirk felt a moment's panic as he struggled for breath, afraid of choking. The probe touched the back of his throat and he gagged, squirming slightly until he could breathe again. It was impossible to continue sucking, but Spock didn't seem to mind; his hand moved lower, its warmth stirring Kirk's penis to reluctant response. Spock milked him slowly, and his hips rose to the stroking, unable to resist the exquisite torture; he was oddly disappointed when the hand left him hovering on the brink of orgasm. It moved, and the fingers probed gently but insistently at his anal opening, then one slipped inside, pressing against the tight channel, circling as Spock carefully dilated his rectum.

  
His head was urged round, and Kirk found himself gazing into a mirror on the wall beside the bed. He could see himself reflected clearly as he lay there, and every detail was branded into his memory: his mouth swallowing the Vulcan's swollen penis; Spock's dark head bent over him as the Vulcan sucked avidly at his nipple; his own erect organ, aching and heavy with blood; his widespread legs; and the fingers that burrowed deep into his ass.

  
Unable to turn away from the sight, he closed his eyes, shuddering. Immediately, Spock lifted his head.

  
"Look in the mirror," he ordered. "Watch yourself."

  
Slowly Kirk opened his eyes, and the pressure in his mouth eased slightly as the Vulcan drew back, affording him an even clearer view.  
"This is how I have dreamed of seeing you," Spock continued quietly; his fingers moved, emphasising his words. "I have wanted you in my bed, your body hungry for me... Now that you are here at last, how could you think I would let you go? You will burn as I do... "

  
Suddenly, taking Kirk by surprise, he began to thrust into the human's mouth, his hands returning to hold him firmly in place. Kirk panicked, began to struggle, his stomach heaving as the warm fluid filled his mouth. He turned his head quickly as the Vulcan pulled away, intending to spit it out but Spock caught him.

  
"Swallow it," he commanded.

  
Kirk shook his head stubbornly, and the Vulcan sighed in exasperation. "Why must thee defy me?" He tilted Kirk's chin, meeting the defiant eyes. "Swallow it," he repeated.

  
Unable to look away, Kirk felt the humiliating tears sting his eyes. A gentle hand stroked his face encouragingly, and the thick cream slid down his throat.

  
Tearing himself from Spock's grip he huddled on the bed, his face buried in the pillows to hide the tears, knowing even as he did so that Spock was aware that he was crying.

  
The hands, still so gentle, stroked his hair as warm lips trailed kisses down his spine. He stiffened as he felt a touch on his buttocks, then gasped aloud as something cool and smooth bathed the cleft of his ass.

  
"What...?" he managed, trying to turn.

  
"It is only a lubricant." The hands pressed him back. "You are still very tight - there was no time to have a healer prepare you. The cream twill make penetration easier, less painful for thee, T'hy'la. If I cannot please thee, I need not give thee pain."

  
The fingers, slick with cream, entered Kirk's body, and the Human jerked convulsively at the touch. Then they withdrew, and he was turned onto his back. The warm length of Spock's body covered him, and the Vulcan's mouth sought his, parting his lips to suck hungrily at his tongue.

  
Resigned now, Kirk submitted to the caress, making no protest as the hands began to stroke and fondle him again. He knew now that Spock would take him, and since resistance was doomed to failure, it would be foolish to risk injury by struggling against a strength so much greater than his own. Instead he closed his eyes wearily, longing for it to be over.

  
"Jim, look at me."

  
Kirk opened his eyes slowly. Spock was kneeling between his widespread thighs, and a pillow had been pushed under his hips. The Vulcan's face was inches from his own, and the dark eyes held a hint of compassion.

  
"One further act of submission is demanded of thee." Kirk's hand was taken, pressed to the Vulcan's penis, and Spock reached for the contact points on his face. "Guide me - take me into thy body."

  
Again the tasran controlled him. Kirk lifted his hips and dew the hard probe towards him until he could feel it pressing against the tiny opening. Instinctively his muscles clamped tighter, rejecting the invasion; compelled by his need to obey the command he had been given, Kirk fumbled awkwardly, trying to insert the head, but it was too large to enter him easily.

  
Spock's fingers slid over his flesh, the thumbs parting his buttocks, holding him open. Kirk tried again, and this time the attempt was successful. So sensitive was his body that he could feel each ridge of the head part him in turn, then it was inside, stretching the tender flesh with its throbbing bulk.

  
There was a moment's stillness, then the bond link opened, pulling him into Spock's mind so that his own sensations were overlaid by the Vulcan's intense pleasure. Spock was breathing heavily, fighting to resist the temptation to drive into the cool body beneath him. Lust and love warred in his mind, the wish not to hurt his companion finally conquering the urge to claim his mate. He could sense that Kirk was on the verge of pain - after waiting so long a few more minutes could make little difference to him, and would lessen the risk of damage to the comparatively delicate body he longed to possess.

  
At last, satisfied that he was in control, Spock pressed forward, slowly, his aching penis sliding deeper into Kirk's lubricated ass until his rigid heat filled the cool, trembling body.

  
Kirk gasped aloud and lay not daring to move. With every beat of the Vulcan's heart the intruder seemed to grow larger. Old half-forgotten tales he had heard long ago returned to terrify him, memories of a fellow cadet at the Academy who had been raped by a drunken Orion - the boy had been found dead, and the horrified, fascinated cadets whispered among themselves that he had been injured internally by his attacker, so badly torn that he had bled to death before help reached him. Was that to be his fate now? It hurt, and Spock was still unmoving inside him. Once that... thing... inside him began to thrust, he would be badly damaged...no man could take that for long...

  
Then at the height of his fear his own mind reassured him. This was Spock, and whatever happened, Spock would never hurt him. He believed that - he had to. And... since he was necessary to Spock's survival, it didn't make sense that the Vulcan would do anything that would lead to both their deaths.

  
Then over the link Spock's emotions surged through him, a joy and pleasure so intense that he could only accept what he was receiving with passive wonder. It meant... so much... to Spock... Dimly Kirk perceived how hard the struggle had been, how impossible it was for Spock to deny that he had wanted this. Yet he had tried. He had accepted the certainty of the linger death; he had concealed his condition from Sentron until only an enforced link had betrayed him, he had pleaded for Kirk's freedom before the Vulcan council. Finally, overwhelmed by his need, by Vulcan tradition, by his love and desire for the Human, he had broken, and taken what had been offered.

  
With that realisation the last of Kirk's hatred vanished. He still could not accept this, could not yield willingly to Spock, but he understood at last just what it had taken to bring the Vulcan to this, and he could not find it in his heart to blame his friend. Spock was just as much a victim as he was himself.

  
All thought was swept away then as Spock began to move inside him, the firm penis piercing deeper with each thrust of the powerful hips. There was no pain, Kirk found to his surprise, and the steady rhythmic pounding awoke a response in his own body, so that his hips lifted and his spine arched as he took more and still more of the swollen flesh. His penis, trapped between their bodies, enlarged and stiffened under the friction of their movements.

  
Spock had promised him pleasure, he thought dazedly, and he had kept his word. He would not have chosen to do this, but he could not deny that - physically at least - these sensations were... pleasant. Shivering, trembling, Kirk hovered for a moment on the brink of orgasm, then as the semen spurted from him he felt the hot, sticky flood gushing into his body as Spock, in turn, reached a shuddering climax.

  
For a moment they lay still, then Spock drew back slightly. Kirk followed his gaze, and saw that the Vulcan was gazing down at their still-joined bodies, an expression of wonder on his face. Slowly, a hand reached out, as Spock touched Kirk's face gently.

 

"I have thee at last," he murmured softly. "I see myself within thee... T'hy'la, thy body honours me."

  
He leaned down to place a soft kiss on Kirk's mouth, then drew back, carefully withdrawing from Kirk's body. A vague sense of loss, of rejection, swept over the Human, only to vanish as Spock turned to hold him in his arms.

  
"Sleep now, Jim," he whispered, lightly stroking the Human's face. "I will ask no more of thee tonight."

  
Kirk sighed as he settled against the warm body beside him. He could feel Spock's seed trickling slowly from his body, he was sticky with his own, and he thought vaguely that he should get up and wash, but he was so tired, so sleepy, the strong arms held him so comfortably, that it seemed too great an effort to move. Settling his head on Spock's shoulder, Kirk drifted into a deep and dreamless sleep.

 

***

  
Kirk awoke in the morning to find himself still held in Spock's arms and the Vulcan looking down at him questioningly. He coloured, and Spock smiled faintly; he said nothing, however, only rose from the bed and extended a hand to help Kirk to his feet and lead him into the bathroom.  
On the way Spock paused and tugged at an ornate bell-pull. "Food will be brought while we bathe," he explained.

  
To Kirk's relief, when they emerged from the bath Spock indicated that they were to dress in civilian clothes which he took from a chest; Kirk selected an outfit of tunic and trousers, and scrambled into them quickly.

  
When they returned to the other room the bed had been stripped and re-made, and a table by the window had been set for a meal, the dishes laid out on a hot plate. As they entered a man stepped forward and greeted Spock, who replied, then turned to Kirk.

  
"Sanash is a Healer. You will permit him to examine you."

  
It was clearly a command, and despite his embarrassment Kirk was unable to refuse. The Healer was gentle, but impersonal, and the Human soon relaxed - this was scarcely different from the medicals McCoy had given him in the past. He did stiffen when his genitals and rectum were examined, but it was quickly over; Kirk dressed again as the Healer went into the bathroom.

  
When Sanash reappeared, Spock, who had remained at the far side of the room, came over to stand beside Kirk.

  
"Well? he demanded.

  
"Your bondmate is uninjured - he is strong and healthy," the Healer said. "I will testify and record that your bonding has been consummated according to our Tradition." With a slight inclination of his head the Healer withdrew, and Spock turned to Kirk.

  
"It was necessary, both to seal our bonding and for my own reassurance, Jim." He indicated the table. "Will you not eat? Then we will talk."  
They sat down at the table and Spock served the food. Kirk shifted position, aware of a slight discomfort as though his buttocks had been bruised, but there was no pain.

  
"Jim?" Spock was holding out a cup, and Kirk's eyes widened in surprise as he caught the aroma of coffee.

 

The Vulcan smiled almost shyly. "I asked that it be prepared for you. I hope it is to your taste."

  
"Thank you." Kirk took the cup and sipped at the hot liquid gratefully.

  
When they had eaten they moved from the table to chairs closer to the window. Kirk found himself tense, expectant, wondering what they could possibly say to each other, and also wondering - now that he had time to consider it - what difference this was going to make to their lives on the Enterprise.

  
"Jim, there are some things that you must know, and consider," Spock began quietly. "It may be simplest if I explain why... why this was done to you, and tell you of some of my proposals. I will then give you time to think over what I have said before I ask for your reply. Do you agree?"  
Kirk nodded assent, aware that he was too bewildered and confused to make any decision at the moment.

  
"T'Pau has told you that she became aware at Koon-ut-kal-if-fee that I desired you as mate. She requested that the Enterprise transport Ambassador Sentron back to Vulcan, instructing him to enforce a mind line on us both during the journey - he is skilled at the mind touch, and she reasoned that I would not suspect his intention, as I might have done had she sent a Healer. Such an action was a breach of privacy, but in this ease justified - the Council wished to be certain that you were indeed necessary to my survival before subjecting you to an enforced bonding.

  
"When they had that assurance, I was called before the Council and told of their decision. Jim, I did try to refuse... but I am Vulcan, and as I told you before, the ancient drives are too strong. I... could not reject my people, my world, my desired mate, and face the linger-death. More, they told me that I would not be permitted to do so. You have no idea of their powers... Had I refused to submit to their decree, a Healer would have induced the plak tow in me, and when I was beyond all control, you would have been brought, bound and naked, to my bed. I would have taken you then, not as my Chosen, not as my bonded mate, but as the servant of my bed. I - I agreed to take you in a Sword-Bonding. To you, perhaps, there is little difference, but it is... how can I explain?... to my people, it is the difference between being an honoured bondmate, and a kept whore - such things still exist, though it is rare, and we do not speak of it. Even in my torment and desire, I could not contemplate that shame for you...

  
"By yesterday's ceremony you were accepted by my people as a true bonded consort - you need never fear insult or mockery from any Vulcan - even in the Romulan Empire your status would be honoured.

  
"Off planet, no-one will know of our...relationship. It will be necessary for me to link with McCoy so that he will monitor your physical condition, but he will neither record, nor remember, his observations.

  
"As to the Enterprise, you will continue in command, and I pledge you my loyalty as your First Officer. I will never interfere with your command, or use my... my influence over you to guide your decisions. Your career in Starfleet will be yours to control, with the one proviso that wherever you go, whatever you do, I will be at your side."

  
Spock hesitated for a moment before continuing, "As to our... personal relationship, there are some things you must accept, and a few assurances I can give you. First, our physical lovemaking will continue. Since I have passed through pon farr and am bonded to my Chosen, I will require sexual release from time to time, and only your body will give me ease. In the same way, your own needs will drive you to my bed, whether you wish it or not.

  
"However, I understand that you will have needs that I cannot meet, and I will not demand from you the fidelity that would be granted by a willing bondmate. I will not interfere with your... pleasures, and I will not use the link to invade your privacy. Your memories of your affairs will be inviolate. I do not think... " The calm voice shook. "I do not think that I will be able to permit a serious commitment to another. So, if I sense that you are becoming seriously involved, it may be that I will draw you back to me. In these ways I will use the bond to control you - you will remain my mate, you will be unable to escape me; and you will submit to me when I need you. In all else you are my Captain."

  
The Vulcan rose and looked down on Kirk. "It is my wish to take you to my father's house. He returns to Vulcan in a few days, and he is anxious to greet you. There are arrangements to be made. I will leave you now to think over what I have said."

 

For a moment he reached out as though to touch Kirk, then he allowed his hand to fall to his side and turned away. "Spock... wait."

  
Almost at the door, he turned. "Yes, Jim?"

  
"I have to know... " Kirk moistened his lips nervously. "In all you've said, about need and desire and duty, you've never once said... What do you feel for me, Spock?"

 

The dark eyes shone for a moment with an expression of absolute devotion. "I love you, Jim," the Vulcan whispered.

 

Kirk stared blankly as the door closed behind him.

  
***

  
After a moment Kirk rose, went to the table, and poured another cup of coffee. He returned to his chair, sipping the hot, bitter drink while he thought over the Vulcan's words.

  
It was not a choice he was being offered - he understood that. It was, rather, a statement of how Spock saw their lives together. He had imposed certain conditions. All that was required of Kirk, was that he obey.

  
Obedience... The Human shuddered. He had no choice - the tasran would see to that. He would belong to Spock - mind and body.  
What was left, then?

  
He had Spock's promise not to interfere with his command, and however confused, however resentful he was, he did not doubt the Vulcan's word. They would continue as Captain and First Officer, and Kirk was quite sure that they could both cope with that side of their relationship.  
On the other hand, the physical intimacy would certainly continue. The prospect was not something he welcomed, but he was realistic enough to know that he would have to submit to it. In all honesty, he had to admit that the sex had not been as... unpleasant as it might have been. Spock had proved himself a demanding lover, but he had taken the time and the care to arouse his mate's body to response; inexperienced though Kirk was when it came to sex between men, he knew that it could have been very different - painful, frightening, even dangerous. There had been a degree of physical pleasure, too, though it still had been rape, for he had not consented to the relationship. His body had responded as it was designed to do to a certain type of physical stimulation - if beaten he felt pain, if he was sexually handled he aroused and climaxed. He had no doubt that he would continue to do so.

  
What troubled Kirk far more was the thought of what he might lose. In the time he had known Spock, a friendship had grown between them, rarely expressed in words, but evident in the utter trust each had for the other. Spock's loyalty to him had become a personal commitment rather than a matter of duty to a commander, and in the Vulcan Kirk had begun to recognise, and to love, the brother Sam had never been. Strange, that a man from a different culture, a different world, should be closer to him than his own kin.

  
A different culture... Kirk examined that thought closely. Until now he had considered his situation from the Human viewpoint; now he looked at it from Spock's.

  
The Vulcan's desire for him was something understood and honoured by his own people, yet in deference to Kirk's attitudes he had fought against it. Only an outright order from the Vulcan Council had made him yield to his own wishes.

  
Slowly, Kirk tried to imagine Spock's reaction to that order. If he refused, he could die - and for the short time left to him he would be totally cut off from his home and people. If he obeyed, he would live - but would lose the trust he had already earned from the man he... loved.  
Either way, Spock lost. Kirk could not find it in his heart to blame his friend for trying to salvage what he could from the wreckage of his life.  
With sudden insight Kirk realised that Spock was trapped just as effectively as he. He had been thinking of the Vulcan us having won, but all he had was a pitiful counterfeit of the love he wanted... needed.

  
With that knowledge Kirk was able to look up almost calmly when the Vulcan returned. "Spock, I've been thinking, as you asked," he said quietly. "This bonding... Yes, you can enforce it; you can make me come to you... God knows, you can even make me enjoy it. But I'll never accept it, and if there was any way I could get out of it, I would."

  
The Vulcan nodded, his eyes refusing to meet Kirk's. The human found himself moving forward, his hands resting on the thin shoulders.

  
"With that understood, let me tell you something else. I trust you, Spock. I think that - together - we can salvage something out of all this. At least we can try."

  
The shadowed eyes rose to meet his at last. "But can you forgive?" Spock asked quietly. "Can you even understand?"

  
"I can understand," Kirk answered. "It's... part of what you are. I won't pretend I can return your... feelings... because I can't. But... forgive you?  
Yes, I can even do that. How can I blame you for being what your world has made you? I don't suppose I could have defeated you out there in the Valley, but... I didn't even try. I've never wanted your death, Spock, and I don't want it now. The one thing that makes sense in this nightmare is that you're going to live. But understand this. I'm going to look for a way to break this bonding, and if I can find one that won't endanger your life, I'll make use of it." His tone was determined, but he spoke without hatred, without anger.

  
"Jim, I cannot make you the same promise." There was a painful honesty in the dark eyes. "But please believe that if there was any way I could go back, stop this happening, I would do it. I never intended that you should know how I felt... "

  
"I believe you." Kirk tightened his grip for a moment. "Sentron and T'Pau were 'way ahead of us both all along. I don't know how this is going to work out, Spock. We'll just have to play the cards as they fall." Releasing the Vulcan, he turned away. "What are you plans now?" he asked lightly.

  
"I wish to take you to my home," Spock replied. "My parents are returning to Vulcan in order to greet you. I must also present my bondmate to the other members of my family. Then, if you will permit it, I would like to show you something of Vulcan. It is your home now. Jim, I promised to respect your wishes in that our bonding will not be mentioned off-world, but perhaps there is someone you would wish to inform? Your family?"

  
"No!" Kirk exclaimed, horrified; then he continued more quietly, "There's only my brother Sam and his family, and he... well, let's just say he'd never understand in a million years. He wouldn't even try. We've never been very close... He has young children, Spock, and the way things are... I'd be a 'corrupting influence' now."

  
"Very well." Spock looked at him steadily for a moment. "Are you ready to leave now? The air car is waiting."

  
"Let's go." Kirk left the room without a backward glance.

  
***

  
It was a long flight across the desert to Spock's home. Kirk gazed down at the savage beauty of the land beneath them. Vulcan's forge... it was well named, he mused. Spock might be used to it, but without protection he knew he would not last long in the blistering heat. He saw now that his half-formed plan could never have succeeded - even if he had evaded capture, escaped from the Valley, he would have died in the desert, and Spock with him. T'Pau had calculated well; this was the only solution that allowed them both to live.

  
At last the desert gave way to more fertile ground and soon Spock was bringing the air car in to land. He glanced across at Kirk. "Do not be nervous, Jim. This is not Earth. My people wish only to give you welcome."

  
Even the short walk from the landing ground tired Kirk. He was grateful for the coolness of the entrance-hall, and wondered if he would ever become accustomed to the heat of the Vulcan sun. Amanda must have learned to cope, but she had spent many years on the desert planet - at least he would not have that restriction, he reflected; soon he would be back on the Enterprise.

  
As they stepped inside the house Spock held out his hand, two fingers extended; for a moment Kirk stared blankly, then he remembered the gesture Sarek and Amanda had used, and set his own fingers against Spock's hand. He coloured faintly, knowing that it was a gesture of intimacy, as though in Human terms they walked arm in arm.

  
A Vulcan woman stepped forward to greet them. It was difficult to judge her age - all be could be sure of was that she was older than T'Pring, yet considerably younger than T'Pau. Spock answered her in his own language, then turned to Kirk,

 

"This is T'Lan, our housekeeper. You will find that all my father's staff speak Terran, Jim - you will have no difficulty in making your wishes known. This is your home; your orders and wishes will be obeyed as mine." He glanced back at the woman. "T'Lan, you may greet my bondmate; James Kirk."

  
T'Lan inclined her head. "Peace and long life to you, James Kirk. I am here to serve."

  
"Thank you, T'Lan."  
  
The woman turned to Spock. "Your father asked that I place a call to him as soon as you arrived, Spock. He is waiting to speak to you."  
"I thought you said your father was away?" Kirk asked curiously as Spock guided him across the hall and into a room furnished as a study.  
"He is visiting our Embassy on Andor. Although he had already made arrangements to return, he no doubt wished to welcome you when you first entered our house. It is tradition."

  
Reaching the desk, Spock switched on the small communications console. The screen brightened, flickered, then steadied into the image of the stern, dignified man he remembered from their journey to Babel.

 

"Live long and prosper, father," Spock said evenly. "I present to you my bondmate, James Kirk."

  
"Peace and long life, Spock. I wish you joy in your bonding. James Kirk, I bid you welcome to my family. I regret not being able to greet you personally, but my duties did not permit me to return to Vulcan in time. My home is yours - I wish you joy."

  
"Thank you, sir," Kirk managed, as the screen flickered again, then dissolved into snowy blankness.

  
"We have lost contact," Spock murmured after adjusting the controls with no result. "However, my father has accepted you, and all is well."

  
"He didn't exactly sound enthusiastic," Kirk said doubtfully.

  
"As you know, my father and I have disagreed in the past," Spock replied briefly. "You may be certain, however, that both he and my mother will accept my choice of bondmate."

  
/Accept is not the same as welcome, / Kirk thought. He said nothing, however, but followed as Spock returned to the entrance hall and stopped to speak to T'Lan.

  
"I require a light supper in my rooms in an hour, if that is convenient, T'Lan. Please ensure that the food is acceptable to Human taste. I suggest that until James has time to make his wishes known, you serve him as you would my mother."

  
"It will be done, Spock." T'Lan withdrew silently.

  
The Vulcan turned to Kirk. "While we wait, let me show you your home, Jim. I... I wish you to be happy here. Perhaps in time... "

  
"Don't count on it," Kirk snapped, then his voice softened. "Just give me time, Spock, and don't expect too much - it's only in bad novels that the captive falls in love with the jailer."

  
"I am not... " Spock began, then his voice faded, and he nodded. "That is how it seems to you, of course; and since I must be honest, I know that I hold you against your will."

  
Satisfied for the moment with that admission Kirk followed Spock on a tour of his new home. It was interesting, and he enjoyed seeing how Amanda's influence had made itself felt in this traditional Vulcan household. He had expected to be embarrassed at meeting anyone, but the members of Sarek's staff they encountered were quietly respectful, addressing a brief welcome to him, words of congratulation to Spock. They did not stare, or exchange whispered comments - to them this was clearly an accepted and welcomed relationship.

  
It was growing dark when they returned to the entrance hall. "I will show you the gardens tomorrow," Spock promised, leading the way down a corridor that led off the hall. "My rooms are in this wing. They are completely self-contained, with their own enclosed garden."

  
Kirk looked around.as they went in. There was a large sitting room, comfortably furnished; the windows were shuttered against the cold of the night, and a fire blazed in the hearth. A table set for two had been drawn up close to the flames.

  
"My study lies through there - " Spock indicated a door - "and the bedroom is next to this, with the bathroom leading off it. There is also a small kitchen - when my parents are away I usually prefer to prepare my own food."

  
"It's... very comfortable," Kirk said awkwardly. He was searching for an innocuous topic of conversation when the door opened and a young girl came in carrying a tray of food.

  
She placed the dishes on the table, and Kirk was slightly amused to notice that as she did so she was trying to conceal shy, curious glances directed at him. It was strange, but very reassuring, to see such a natural reaction.

  
Kirk smiled at her, and she dropped her gaze, colouring in confusion.

  
"Is everything satisfactory, Spock?" T'Lan had come in carrying a small tray with a bottle and two glasses.

  
"Thank you, T'Lan, this is excellent."

  
The woman set the tray on the table. "Your father gave orders that this be served as a welcome to you and your bondmate."

  
The dark eyes smiled. "I am honoured. You may leave, T'Lan - we will serve ourselves."

  
"Then I will retire. Come, T'Sen."

  
The two women withdrew, closing the door behind them, the young girl casting a last admiring glance at Kirk.

  
The Human chuckled, and Spock smiled at him. "She is very young, and has much to learn," he said, a hint of laughter in his voice. "T'Lan will reprimand her, but not too severely."

  
"Just because she looked at me?"

  
"She displayed interest in a bonded male - that is both illogical and insulting," Spock said seriously. "In someone older, it would have been offensive to me, and discourteous to you. However - " and the laughter was back in his voice - "I cannot blame her - you are a most attractive man."

 

Kirk looked away, and in an attempt to change the subject moved across to the table. "Can we eat now? I'm hungry."

  
"Of course. Will you serve, Jim, while I open the wine."

  
"What is it?" Kirk asked curiously, eyeing the bottle.

  
"A very rare vintage - there is little left now. My father only serves it on the most important occasions." He filled Kirk's glass. "Taste it."

  
The golden wine was delicious, and Kirk sipped it with appreciation as he ate. To his relief Spock kept the conversation general, relating something of the history of his family.

  
"I should warn you," the Vulcan concluded, "that we will encounter Stonn and T'Pring again - he is my cousin, and tradition demands that he pay his respects to my bondmate." He paused, noting Kirk's empty plate. "Have you finished, Jim?"

  
"I... er... yes... " Kirk would have liked to linger, dreading what would happen next, but Spock indicated a couch by the fire.

  
"I would like you to hear this tape," he said, switching on the player. "The last time I played for you I told you of my father's skill. He permitted me to record this - I think you will enjoy it."

  
As the music stole softly into the room Spock refilled Kirk's glass and his own, then took his place on the couch beside the Human. He slid his arm around Kirk, drawing the bright head to his shoulder, but he offered no further caresses, and after a time Kirk's initial tension relaxed; he sipped his wine, watching the leaping flames as he listened to the music.

  
When the tape ended there was silence for a moment, then Spock stirred and removed his arm. "Go to bed, Jim - I will join you shortly." A quiet order.

  
For a moment Kirk considered protesting, but he knew Spock would not listen; with a sigh he set down his glass and walked across to the door Spock had indicated earlier. He felt somehow cheated - had it not been for what the night would bring, he could have enjoyed this evening.  
The bedroom was furnished with the same comfort as the rest of the house, but he could take no interest in details. He found the bathroom, stripped, and showered, but when he looked around he could not find a robe to wear.

  
For a moment he thought of dressing again, and reached for his uniform, but the tasran inhibited the action. Embarrassed at the thought of Spock coming in and finding him naked he went back into the bedroom and slipped into bed, drawing the covers up around his neck as he huddled down, feigning sleep.

  
He was aware, however, when the door opened and Spock cane in. The Vulcan approached the bed, stood looking down at him for a moment, then moved away; risking a quick glance, Kirk saw him heading for the bathroom.

  
Burrowing his head into the pillows Kirk made himself breathe deeply and slowly when he heard Spock's return.

  
After a few moments the lights were dimmed, and a surge of triumph filled Kirk as he felt Spock settle beside him; his ruse had succeeded, and the Vulcan thought him asleep. His optimism was dispelled, however, when a warm hand closed on his shoulder, and a laughing voice whispered in his ear.

  
"Hiding, Jim? I know you are awake."

  
Resigned, Kirk rolled over, finding the dark eyes inches from his own. "Why are you doing this, Spock?" he whispered, feeling the need to make one more attempt to reach the Vulcan. "You know I don't want it... Please, leave me alone."

"I cannot." Spock's voice sounded genuinely regretful as his hand stroked from Kirk's shoulder  across his chest to finger the soft nipples. He bent his head and licked at them, feeling them harden under his tongue. "I desire thee. I must and will have thee, my unwilling bondmate."

  
The hand moved lower, cupping the flaccid genitals, and Kirk felt his penis stir in response to the warmth and pressure of the Vulcan's hand. His thighs parted automatically at the bidding of the tasran, and he began to writhe helplessly as Spock awoke his body to hungry arousal. The Vulcan's mouth was on his, the tongue thrusting between his lips, and the taste of Spock was in his mouth.

  
Dimly, he realised that Spock had turned onto his back, and that he was lying full-length on the hot, hard body, his penis aching now with the urgency of his need. Long fingers travelled the length of his spine, trailing fires in their wake. It was strange - and a little frightening - to be so much at the mercy of his body, to be made to want and enjoy something his mind rejected with abhorrence - but he was fiercely, almost painfully aroused now, and there was no hope of release but at Spock's hands.

  
The kiss ended, and Spock hugged him tightly for a moment. "You are in need, T'hy'la."

 

"Yes... damn you... "

  
Suddenly he was kneeling between Spock's parted thighs, and the Vulcan's hips were lifting to him.

  
"Then enter me," came the whispered invitation.

  
"What?" Kirk stared in disbelief.

  
"I told thee, my love... " Spock reached. up to touch Kirk's face lightly. "We are bonded. It is my duty - and my pleasure - to submit to thee in thy need, as thee must submit to mine."

  
"But I don't want... I've never... " Kirk stammered. "I don't know how... with a man... "

  
"The technique is not so very different, I believe." Spock's voice held a note of dry humour. "Come - the tasran will guide thee."

  
The long fingers settled on his face, and the Vulcan's mind touched his, promising pleasure. All thought left Kirk but the need to possess the body under his hands. He reached eagerly for the long legs, taking them on his shoulders as he leaned forward, his fingers seeking the narrow opening.

  
The tight muscles refused him entry; impatiently he probed harder, and succeeded in inserting the tip of one finger. Heat coursed through his body, and he thrust again, wanting to feel more.

  
A soft groan reached his ears and he pulled his hand away, colouring as he realised he was hurting Spock. The Vulcan had been careful with him...

  
"Sorry," he muttered gruffly, reaching for the cream that lay ready on the bedside table.

  
"Do as you will, Jim - it is your right," the Vulcan whispered, and Kirk realized with a thrill of horror that Spock would make no complaint, offer no resistance, if he did tear into his body.

  
"No," he murmured, shaking his head in denial. "No cruelty between us, Spock... no hatred... "

  
Reaching down he covered his penis with the glistening cream, then worked his fingers carefully between Spock's buttocks. Penetration was easier this time, and his fingers slid slowly into the tight channel.

  
Spock moaned, a soft, pleased sound, his hips thrusting upwards, Kirk withdrew his hand and stroked his penis, coaxing it to full erection. His mind was a total blank apart from the need that burned in him, and nothing could have distracted him now from the lure of Spock's hard body shuddering beneath him.

  
Slowly he leaned forward, inserting the head of his penis; the heat clutched at him, drawing him deeper, and he slammed in with all his might, his wish to be careful forgotten in the need to possess, sobbing with pleasure as the tight heat of Spock's flesh swallowed him. The Vulcan's hands where on his hips, pulling him closer, urging his rhythm as he thrust harder and deeper, his ecstasy mounting to an impossible pitch. He could not contain it, didn't want to - and there was no need, for the Vulcan was as avid as he. With a low, shuddering moan he came, his semen filling Spock with cool wetness, and the bond reflected the indescribable sensations back to him in minute detail.

  
For a moment Kirk lay across Spock's body, exhausted by the violence of his climax; then without warning a savage hunger filled his mind, a driving need for the taste of the Vulcan's flesh. Shaking with impatience he withdrew, then slid further down the bed, his open mouth already seeking the swelling heat of Spock's penis. He held the thick column between his hands and guided the head between his lips, his tongue caressing the quivering ridges that flared in greeting. Avidly he sucked, needing the taste, the feel of Spock in his mouth. The sudden gush of creamy semen sent a shock of pleasure through him and he swallowed greedily, demanding more and more, until Spock was totally drained.  
When the last drops had gone he sighed reluctantly and allowed tile softening penis to slip from his mouth, licking his lips to gather in the final traces. Suddenly the realization of what he had done hit him; and his stomach heaved. Feeling he was going to be sick, he made a panic-stricken attempt to scramble from the bed, but the Vulcan pulled him back into a kiss that set his already overwrought senses reeling. He struggled, sure he was suffocating, and to his surprise Spock let him go, although he still held the Human, preventing him from leaving the bed.

  
"So stubborn," the Vulcan sighed, stroking the soft hair. "Accept what must be, Jim. You will become tired of fighting."

  
"If rape's inevitable, lie back and enjoy it, huh?" Kirk said bitterly. "Sorry, Spock - I've never subscribed to that. God, no wonder women think men arrogant and insensitive." His voice dropped, took on a note of self-loathing.

  
"Okay, you can make me like what you do to me - you can even make me want it, ask for it... but we both know it's not by my own choice. Are you surprised that I've begun to wonder what's wrong with me, that I can react like this? What sort of a man does it make me, that I can spread my legs for you like... like a Rigellian whore just because you command it? That I can take you in my mouth, suck you, and... " His voice shook.

  
"There is nothing wrong with you, Jim." The Vulcan gathered him close. "Your body and mind are responding to an irresistible control, to careful stimulation. If I struck you, you would not feel shame because it hurt." Slowly his hand stroked the Human's back and Kirk, shivering in humiliation, nevertheless felt comfort in the touch.

  
"You can even make me... initiate... " Kirk whispered.

  
"Only because I control your mind with the tasran." The Vulcan's voice grew soft with longing. "Can you imagine what I would give for one willing kiss from you? In my need I have taken your body and your mind... but they have not been given. My punishment lies in knowing that now I can never have your love. That which I most want, I am forever denied."

  
"I don't want you to be unhappy - I never wanted that," Kirk said slowly. "I only want to be free."

  
"I know that." Gentle hands drew Kirk down until he lay with his head resting on the Vulcan's shoulder. "But I need... what I can have... too much to let you go. Sleep now, Jim."

  
The warm fingers moved in a light caress over his face, and Kirk gradually drifted into sleep.

  
***

  
For the remainder of his time on Vulcan Kirk was kept busy. There was so much to learn, and to remember, about his new family. Spock was a patient teacher, and Kirk's command of the language improved until - aided by sleep-learning - he was as fluent as in his own tongue.

  
There were people to meet, relatives and friends of Spock, who came to pay their respects to the newly bonded couple. These ranged from Admiral Sanor, of Starfleet's high Command, to T'Pring, chattel of Spock's cousin Stonn. Meeting her, Kirk realised that humiliated as he felt, his fate could have been much worse - he might have been compelled to the kind of half-life she was condemned to live if Spock had not insisted on a Sword-Bonding.

  
There were some breaks in the endless round of lessons and meetings. Spock was anxious to show him something of Vulcan, and whenever possible took an air car and led Kirk on a journey of exploration. The desert planet had its own harsh beauty, and Kirk marvelled at the grandeur of the L'langdon mountains as their tiny craft soared amid the towering peaks. They spent a few days at a desert oasis; one of the violent rainstorms of the region occurred during their stay, and the human roamed among the short-lived, fragile desert blossoms, almost drunk on their scent and colour. Spock showed him the ruins of Samara, ancient capital of the Warriors in pre-Reform days, and in contrast took him to the remote valley where Surak had formulated his philosophy and begun the Reforms.

  
One visit they made stirred a strange unease in Kirk - the day Spock took him to the Plateau of Gol to pay their respects to the Masters of Vulcan. Initiates of Vulcan's most respected and demanding discipline, these men and women lived as semi-recluses, accepting students only after the most careful selection, and leaving their barren retreat only to serve as advisors to the Vulcan Council.

  
Respectfully but curiously, Kirk met the eyes of T'Sai, Grand Master of Gol. Older even than T'Pau, her authority stemmed from the total control of emotion that could only be achieved by initiates of Kolinahr.

  
/No, not control,/ Kirk decided suddenly. /Eradication/. Vulcans did feel love, hate, jealousy, anger, tenderness - they had simply learned to control them. This woman and her colleagues had ruthlessly eliminated every trace of feeling. They did not hate, but neither did they love; if they felt no anger, they did not know compassion; joy has as meaningless to them as fear.

  
The formalities over, Kirk was not sorry to leave the harsh wastes of Gol. He noted that Spock, too, seemed to have been affected by the visit - the Vulcan was very quiet on the journey home. The habit of reacting to Spock's moods was strongly developed in Kirk, and when they sat relaxing after dinner he could not resist asking Spock what was troubling him.

  
"Gol," the Vulcan replied thoughtfully. "It... disturbs me."

  
"I can understand that - I felt the same. But why, particularly?" It was so unusual for Spock to admit to any such feeling that Kirk knew the experience had affected him strongly. "I'm sorry," he added hastily as Spock made no answer. "Perhaps I shouldn't have asked."

  
"It is your right." A faint smile lit the sombre eyes for a moment. "You may ask anything of me now, and I must answer. It is... Jim, you know that my father wished me to follow his teaching and take my place at the Science Academy, whereas I wished to enter Starfleet. For a son to oppose his father's wishes is so unusual that Sarek considered whether my upbringing had been at fault. No true Vulcan would have been so defiant. He... suggested that I remedy my attitude by applying to study at Gol. He did not expect me to achieve initiation, but felt that the training would counter my unfortunate tendencies to self-will. With T'Pau's consent he consulted Master T'Sai, who was willing to accept me as a pupil."

  
"No!" Kirk exclaimed and was surprised that he was horrified at the thought of this sensitive man undergoing the harsh discipline of Kolinahr, of that gentle spirit crushed by the cold sterility of total logic. "No! That would have been hell for you, Spock."

  
"So I thought at the time. I refused to go, and left Vulcan for Starfleet. Now... Now, Jim, I wonder if it would not have been better for me to go."

  
"How can you say that?"

  
"Had I gone to Gol, I would never have entered your life. I would by now either be one of the Masters, or I would be established at the Academy, bonded to T'Pring... You would have been free... But I was young, afraid, and too proud to think that ill might come from my defiance. I went to Starfleet... and you pay the price."

  
"We both do," Kirk said bitterly. "You've got what you wanted, but it's been spoiled for you. While I... Damn T'Pau anyway! Why did she have to interfere?"

  
"She wished me to live," Spock said quietly; and Kirk had no answer.

 

***

  
A few days before the end of their leave Sarek and Amanda returned to Vulcan. Sarek greeted him with quiet dignity and a satisfaction he could not quite conceal. He asked for a private talk with Kirk, and bore the Human off to his study.

  
"I am happy to meet you again, James," he began when they were both seated. "Spock's welfare has been much on my mind since T'Pring's disgraceful action. When T'Pau informed me that he had been successfully bonded it was a great relief to me - and to his mother. We knew how difficult it would be to find an acceptable mate for him, and we dreaded his future; the linger-death is... most unpleasant. In you he has found a mate worthy of him in all ways, a companion and friend as well as a... a lover. I am pleased."

  
Kirk shifted uncomfortably in his seat. "I... uh... "

  
Sarek smiled slightly. "It surprises you that I should speak of such things? With a Human wife and a half-Human son, it was necessary for me to learn. Spock has been very lonely, James, but since you came to the Enterprise there has been a contentment in him that I feared he would never know. When I met you, I began to understand why, but it seemed impossible that you would ever consent to a bonding. You have given him life and love, and I thank you for it."

  
Kirk dropped his gaze, unable to meet Sarek's eyes. The promise had been kept - even Spock's parents did not know he was Sword-Bonded. For a moment he had the urge to tell the truth, to shout out that he had been forced into Spock's bed, that he wanted his freedom...  
"There you are! Jim, I've been looking for you."

  
Both men rose as Amanda came into the room, smiling happily. She approached Kirk, and leaned forward to kiss his cheek. "A mother's privilege, Jim. You've given Spock a reason to live. I know how much you must love him to agree to a Vulcan bonding. I knew, of course, that he loved you - I saw it on the Enterprise - but he was bonded to T'Pring then, and could not reject her. Then, when I heard that she had Challenged, I wondered... and hoped... "

  
She drew back, and Kirk gazed into her face. The beautiful eyes shone with terns, but a smile of joy curved her lips.

  
"You saved my son," she whispered, clasping his hands tightly. "If I'd lost him, I... Oh, I'm sorry. Forgive me... I'm just so happy!" She smiled again, extending her free hand to her husband. "It's such wonderful news."

  
No. He couldn't do it. He could not bring himself to destroy Amanda's happiness, shatter Sarek's pride. Slowly, he forced his stiff lips to an answering smile.

  
"I'm happy too," he murmured, the lie choking him.

  
"And it's all worked out for the best," Amanda continued happily. "T'Pring would have been a most unsuitable wife for Spock."

  
"Amanda!" Sarek raised scandalized eyebrows.

  
"She would;" his wife answered. "Spock is half-Human, and beneath that impeccable Vulcan mask he wears to please you, he's a very lonely and a very loving man. T'Pring would never have understood that, or been able to give him what he needs. I think Jim will."

  
"There is much truth in what my wife says," Sarek admitted. "Spock controls so well I often forget how much harder it is for him. I think Amanda is correct; you are the mate he needs - an equal, yet with the sensitivity to understand. I learned respect for you at our first meeting, James, and your acceptance of or customs honours us."

  
Kirk could not bring himself to raise his eyes, lest the Vulcan read the despair that filled him. At least, he reflected bitterly, one obstacle had been passed - he need not fear contempt or rejection from Spock's parents.

  
On the last night of their leave Kirk and Spock were guests at a reception given by Sarek and Amanda to mark their bonding. If Kirk had ever doubted the influence of his First Officer's family, he now saw for himself just how far-reaching it was. T'Pau herself attended, although she rarely was present at social gatherings, and though Kirk would gladly have avoided her, he could not refuse when she imperiously beckoned him to her side. Her attendants moved back as he approached, affording them privacy to talk.

  
"So, James, my prediction has been fulfilled. Thee are Spock's bondmate. Are thee reconciled?"

  
"No, T'Pau, and I never will be. I was forced into this - if I could find a way to gain my freedom without risking Spock's life, I'd take it, and be damned to you, your traditions, and to Vulcan."

  
"There is no way," the Matriarch assured him. "Now that he has thee, he will never let thee go."

 

"I know that," Kirk said bitterly. "I'm as much his prisoner as though I wore chains. Do you think he's happy with that?"

  
T'Pau gazed at him. "No, he is not happy, James Kirk - but he is alive."

  
***

  
The following day they beamed back to the Enterprise. Kirk headed for his quarters, uncomfortably aware that Spock was on his way to Sickbay, where he would implant a censor in McCoy's mind that would prevent the doctor from remembering or recording any effects the bonding had on Kirk; if he detected any harm, mental or physical, he would inform Spock, carry out the necessary treatment under the Vulcan's supervision, then forget that he had done so.

  
It was, as Spock had admitted, a tampering with the Human's mind, but the only alternative was to tell him the truth, and Kirk knew he could not face McCoy's anger or, worse, his pity. There was nothing he could do, officially or unofficially, to force the Vulcan to release his victim - if there had been, Kirk might have told him - but under the circumstances Kirk conceded that the deception was necessary.

  
When he had finished unpacking Kirk settled at his desk to glance through the pile of reports that had accumulated during his absence. He worked steadily for an hour, then broke off as he became aware of a nagging impulse at the back of his mind. For a time he succeeded in ignoring it, but it only grew stronger; with resignation he threw down his stylus and obeyed the command, walking into the bathroom to emerge through the; connecting door into Spock's cabin.

  
Spock was waiting for him. "Please sit down, Jim."

  
"I'd rather stand."

  
The Vulcan made no reply, but after a moment Kirk, feeling slightly foolish, sat down on the edge of the bed.

  
"Well?" he muttered ungraciously.

  
"Jim, I summoned you here like this to show you that I can, and will, continue to claim you as my mate. However, I wish to make the situation as easy for you as I can... "

  
"Easy." Kirk snorted. "You think it's easy knowing that you only have to snap your fingers and I'll kneel for you like some... some Green Orion slave girl?"

  
"Be silent!" The anger in Spock's voice was as startling as though the Vulcan had struck him. "Neither of us wished for it to be like this, Jim. Do you think it is easy for me to be bonded to my chosen partner, and to know that every time I reach out to you, you shudder at my touch? Rather than see your revulsion I would deny myself your body, but the same compulsions that forced me to take you will not allow me even that. Once bonded, a Vulcan must continue to have his mate close by. A short parting is possible, but if prolonged the need for the partner grows, and finally becomes so imperative that nothing would keep me from you."

  
"So you'll go on demanding sex from me regularly?"

  
Spock winced at the harshness in Kirk's voice. "That is correct, Jim."

  
Ignoring the pain in the dark eyes Kirk continued coldly. "So what's the drill? Are you planning on calling me to heel when you want to screw me; or will you just walk into my quarters and tell me to get on my knees for you? Or do you have a new duty roster planned out? 2300 hours - time to fuck the Captain?"

  
"Please do not speak so... "

  
Kirk laughed bitterly. "I'm not going to pretty it up for you, Spock. You'll get exactly what you asked for. Outside this room I'll try to remember that you're my First Officer, that we were friends. I'll try not to think of what you've done to me... but in here, you'll still be the man who raped me, even if you can make me enjoy it. You give the word, I spread legs, we fuck - and that's it. You can call it love, if that's what you want - as far as I'm concerned you're just screwing the hell out of me. Now, how do you intend to call me?"

  
Somehow Spock managed to keep his voice even. "I will not intrude on your privacy, Jim. I will not enter your room except at your invitation. When I have need of you, I will use the tasran to call you here. If you are unable to come, you may use the same link to tell me so, and I will not force you - but I will only accept a valid reason. Remember also... " the deep voice softened, "that I am here for you if you have need of me. In this, as in all things, it is my pleasure to serve thee."

  
On the point of making an angry reply, Kirk bit back the scornful words. "I know," he said, his tone slightly more gentle. "I keep forgetting... you didn't want this either. Give me time, Spock. God knows, I don't want to keep on hurting you... but I don't think I'll ever be able to accept... Look, let me get used to it, huh? Perhaps in a few months... " He shrugged. "I just don't know."

  
"I will try not to be too... too demanding."

 

Reluctantly, Kirk looked down at the bed. "Do you want...?"

  
Spock shook his head. "You are tired. I will not trouble you tonight."

  
Kirk managed a faint smile as he stood up. "Thank you, Spock." But deep in his mind a savage, resentful part of himself muttered, /So you're even thanking him now for not screwing you! What kind of a man are you, Kirk?/

  
The Vulcan held his gaze for a moment then held out his hand, two fingers extended. "Good rest, my bondmate."

  
Kirk could not somehow refuse the appeal in the dark eyes. Slowly he reached out his own hand, touching the fingers lightly. "Good night, Spock. I wish... "

  
Unable - or perhaps unwilling - to finish the thought, Kirk backed away, heading for the sanctuary of his quarters.

 

***

  
In later years Kirk was to look back on the remainder of the five year mission with bewildered astonishment. How was it he had managed such a successful operation while leading what was, in effect, a double life?

  
Despite Spock's assurances, he had expected to find drastic changes imposed on his life, but there was really only one. Every few days he would receive a mental summons that drew him into the warm darkness of Spock's cabin, where his bondmate claimed his right.

  
He had to admit that Spock was always gentle with him - indeed, the Vulcan took considerable time and trouble to arouse him, to coax his body to quivering readiness. Kirk quickly gave up trying to fight the physical stimulation, knowing that however long it took Spock would make his body desire the caresses lavished so freely. It was... enjoyable, in a way, to be viewed with such passionate intensity, and more than once Kirk found himself wondering if he could not have given this freely, had he been asked. He was not in love with Spock, but he loved him enough not to deny the Vulcan his body if he needed it so badly. No, what he resented was that he had not been asked. He had been forced into this, given no choice - and his pride would not let him forgive.

  
On all other levels they found themselves growing closer, almost constant companions in their off-duty hours. The chess games were resumed, first in the rec room, then in Kirk's quarters as the Human found that he missed the quiet, relaxing conversation that was not possible when others were within earshot.

  
As the months passed Kirk even found himself becoming less tense at the thought of their physical relationship. Sometimes Spock summoned him, not for sex, but simply because he wished to sleep with his mate in his arms.

  
On those nights Kirk found that he could relax fully, enjoying the warmth and the closeness; this he could give freely, sharing a quiet, gentle affection he had never thought possible with his controlled First Officer - or with the demanding, passionate lover who aroused him shamelessly

  
The mental contact he had with Spock was oddly reassuring. He had been afraid that the Vulcan would remain constantly linked, sharing every thought. Instead he found that Spock controlled the bond rigorously, opening the link only during lovemaking, or if they wished to communicate privately - and .ose times he always warned Kirk that he was about to do so. For the rest of the time all that Kirk was aware of was a warm, silent presence deep in his mind, a curiously pleasant reassurance that he was not alone.

  
The aspect of their relationship that Kirk found it hardest to accept was the unexpected, treacherous response of his own body to Spock's lovemaking. He had never allowed himself to become involved with a member of his crew; during a mission he confined his sexual activity to shore leave, to the occasional willing passenger, or if no such opportunity arose he resorted to masturbation. Now, however, he was regularly being handled sexually; his body both responded, and demanded its own satisfaction. For a long time he resisted fiercely, unwilling to admit to finding pleasure in something his mind resented so bitterly but at last the need grew too great to control.

  
The first night he went to Spock he was trembling, sick with apprehension and shame. Once inside the now-familiar room, however, his fear vanished utterly. Spock welcomed him tenderly, his dark eyes shining with joy that his mate had come to him at last.

  
With no word spoken he sensed Kirk's need and filled it, a responsive, almost docile partner eager for his lover's pleasure. He gave all that was asked of him, and more; and although his eyes showed disappointment, he made no move to detain his mate when Kirk, sated at last, rose from the bed and returned to his own quarters.

  
Back in the cold emptiness of his bed, Kirk felt tears of disgust and frustration sting his eyes. The temptation to remain with Spock had been almost irresistible. He had wanted to lie warm and secure in the loving arms; to feel the slow, sleepy kisses on his face; and he knew that Spock would have been happy to have him there.

  
It was his disgust that had driven him away - disgust that he could have used Spock simply to satisfy a physical hunger. At least the Vulcan loved him...

  
Then the cynical stranger deep in Kirk's mind offered bitter comfort. Spock took what he wanted, didn't he? So why shouldn't Kirk? Okay, each wanted different things... well, Spock couldn't complain if Kirk used his body as his own had been used.  
After that night Kirk sought Spock out whenever his need drove him. Although he told himself it was simply to relieve a physical urge that the Vulcan's lovemaking had awakened, his basic honesty forced him to face the fact that he enjoyed it too.

  
A panic-stricken thought intruded; was Spock deliberately doing this - conditioning his mind so that he could only find satisfaction in the Vulcan's bed?

  
He received his answer when the Enterprise reached Rigel for a brief shore leave, and he was reminded of one of the promises Spock had made to him when they were bonded.

  
"Take your leave, Jim," the Vulcan told him quietly. "Do exactly what pleases you. I give you my word that I will not interfere, that I will not intrude on your privacy or your memories. All I ask is that you do not... that you do not become involved seriously with another. You have needs that I obviously cannot meet - I have always known that."

  
"And you?" Kirk looked at the Vulcan. "What will you do?"

  
"1 will remain on the ship, as is my custom," Spock replied tranquilly. "It may be that you will wish to spend an occasional leave with me on a suitable world, as we used to do, but as always it will be your decision. Rigel is not," he smiled faintly, "a very suitable place for a Vulcan."

  
Kirk grinned back. "No, I suppose not. "Well, I'll be off, then. Bones and Scotty are waiting for me." He turned to the door, hesitated, then came back and touched the Vulcan's shoulder. "Spock... I'm still trying to learn to live with this, you know. Sorry I'm not being... more successful."

  
"But you have not forgiven me."

  
"I... can't. But Spock...it's what you've done to me that I hate... not you." His hand lifted to touch the thin cheek. "I keep trying to remember that without me you'd be... dead by now. Yes, I still resent like hell that I've got no choice, but that is a compensation, you know."

  
Before the Vulcan could make any reply Kirk stepped back, smiled sadly, and headed for the door.

  
***

  
Kirk returned from that leave in a distinctly cheerful frame of mind.

  
His success with the co-operative, sensual women of Rigel had assured him that his months as Spock's bedmate had not in the least impaired his virility. In fact, now that he thought about it, if he looked at the situation practically, he was much better off. Spock had proved he would not interfere with his pleasures on leave; and with a bonded mate, whose duty it was to please him, he need no longer deny himself sexual release on board ship.

  
He continued in this frame of mind as the Enterprise ventured further out into space; then a Starfleet order reached him that drove all personal considerations from his mind. They were instructed to investigate a beautiful, Earth-like planet that was threatened with destruction by an asteroid heading on a collision course. Taking Spock and McCoy, Kirk headed for the transporter room to beam down for a preliminary survey.

 

***

  
Several months later Kirk faced Spock across his desk. Rested, back in uniform, there was no trace now of Kirok. He looked up, and met the dark eyes.

  
"Spock... what I said to you yesterday... I'm sorry... "

  
"Jim... "

  
"No, let me finish. It was a cruel thing, to say, and you didn't deserve it." He shook his head wearily. "I don't know why I said it."

  
The Vulcan stepped closer, his hand reaching out instinctively. He checked, and allowed it to fall to his side. "For a moment I was... hurt... that you should accuse me of such a thing," he said honestly. "I have you, and I will keep you - but that you should believe that I could allow an innocent woman and her unborn child to die was... "

  
"Spock, don't!"

  
"Jim? I realised almost at once that you were in shock. You remembered only that I told you I could not permit you to have a... a meaningful relationship with another. In your pain and grief you struck out - I was in the way." Again the hand lifted, hesitated. "I understand. Do not speak of it."

  
Kirk nodded absently. "Will you... want me tonight?" he asked quietly.

  
"I will always want you, T'hy'la. But tonight... no. Mourn your dead, Jim."

  
The long fingers brushed his cheek for a moment, and Kirk closed his eyes, thankful for the Vulcan's understanding. When he opened them again he was alone in the room.

  
Automatically Kirk stripped and showered, prepared for bed. For a long time he lay awake, staring into the darkness as his memory replayed in cruel detail those days of innocence and laughter with Miramanee. His eyes were dry and aching, but he could not weep for her. Her only crime had been to love him, and she had died for it.

  
As... as Spock would have died, so many times. Bile rose in Kirk's throat as he thought. The self-assured, worldly ones - Ruth, Janet Wallace – they survived. Spock, Edith, Miramanee, the gentle ones, the innocents... their love for him brought them pain and death.

  
Suddenly feeling very alone he rose and walked hesitantly through the communicating bathroom into Spock's quarters. The Vulcan was waiting for him.

  
"I wondered if you would come. I hoped that you would, but I dared not ask, lest you think it a command." Spock's gesture invited him into the wide bed, strong arms caught him, gathered him close. "It is not good for you to be alone. Jim, T'hy'la, weep for her. Weep for your child. I am here, beloved. It is my sorrow that I could not spare you this grief. Weep, my brother. Give them your tears... "

  
And supported in Spock's loving arms, soothed by the soft, murmuring voice, Kirk wept at last.

 

***


	2. Sword-bonding Pt 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter involves slight rewrite a number of episodes

Sword Bonding Pt 2  
  


The bond link, even in its warped form, proved its value over and over again. Their understanding of each other contributed to the almost unbelievable success of their missions, so that the Enterprise in time began to be spoken of as a 'lucky' ship. There were still casualties, of course, and Kirk grieved for each crew member he lost, but he gained some comfort from knowing that the death statistics for his crew were the lowest in Starfleet.

On a personal level, Kirk was shocked into a realisation of exactly what the bonding link could do for him. He knew that he would never forgot the stark terror that choked him when he found himself drifting, a tiny, insignificant speck, in the numbing emptiness of the interphase in the Tholian sector. Panic gripped him as he felt the utter isolation creep into his soul. He could see nothing, feel nothing, hear nothing, he knew only that he was totally alone in an infinity of space and silence.

Kirk bit his lip. The sharp pain and the warm salty taste of blood in his mouth were welcome confirmation of his own sense of reality - he was still alive. Panic receded, to be replaced by a sense of unutterable desolation as he worked out what must have happened, that he had been drawn into the interphase with the Defiant.

A spark of hope kindled, only to be extinguished when, using the thrusters on his suit, he turned around to find that he could not even see the Starship. If it had been within reach he could have perhaps been able to board her, find shelter, perhaps even a means of contacting the Enterprise. As it was, he only had enough air left for perhaps another 3.5 hours; there was no way he could reach his ship - the tiny suit radio would not carry across the barrier, and even if the Enterprise somehow managed to penetrate the interphase, his tiny figure was a much more difficult target to locate than the Defiant would be.

Unwillingly Kirk faced the prospect that there was no hope of rescue; then suddenly he remembered that there was one man he could perhaps reach, who would certainly be searching for him.

Closing his eyes in concentration he sent out a frantic mind call. /Spock?/

There was no answer.

/Spock? Oh God, Spock - hear me!/ He was unaware of the desperate appeal in his mind.

/Jim, I am here./ The quiet response was warm and alive in his mind, calming the rapidly-building fear.

/Spock... Oh, thank god! I was afraid you'd all think me dead./

/Most of the crew believe that you are, and I must allow them to continue to do so. It is necessary that I assume command of the Enterprise./

/Why?/

/So that I can remain here to recover you./

/Can you do it?/

/It is possible. I will not leave here until I have you safe./

/Spock...you knew I was still alive?/

/Jim...T'hy'la...I would feel your death through any barrier. If you had died...I would have taken your ship to safety... and followed you./

/You'll die if I do?/ There was surprised wonder in Kirk's mind.

/It is my choice. Jim, it may be some time yet before I can bring you back... /

/Don't leave me!/ Kirk clung to the mind holding his, afraid of the loneliness he had already experienced.

/I will not leave you. Our minds are joined. Wait, T'hy'la. Wait./

Kirk waited, secure in the knowledge that however hopeless it seemed, Spock would never abandon him. Their minds spoke together, comforted and comforting, Spock relaying to Kirk the plans that were being made for his rescue. Through the link Kirk could sense the Vulcan's determination, his fears for his Human, and in that concern he saw fully the depths of his mate's love. Regret filled him, sorrow that such devotion could not be rewarded; he loved Spock, but the Vulcan's physical need for him was something he still could not reciprocate - but for the first time, he regretted that inability.

His isolation was interrupted suddenly as a faint, misty light surrounded him.

He screwed up his eyes, trying to focus... and he was floating somewhere within the Enterprise. Uhura's face wavered before him, fear and hope warring in her eyes... Then she was gone, and he was alone once more in the darkness.  
  
/Spock!/

/Do not be afraid, Jim. Soon... soon, now./

The strange experience was repeated several times as he materialised within his ship. Then he was on the Bridge, and they were there, McCoy, Spock, Scotty, his friends, staring at him with incredulity and wonder.

He had eyes only for Spock, totally unaware of what his face was revealing. - a need, a longing, to be caught and held close, comforted.

Kirk held out his arms, and as though unable to resist Spock moved closer, arms reaching for him, the dark eyes fixed hungrily on the beloved face.  
  
/Jim, I cannot touch you. Soon, my love. Soon now, I promise./   
  
/I understand./ Horror touched the expressive face. /Spock - my air; It's going... /  
  
/Understood... /   
He was alone again, the darkness thick now and suffocating, but the touch on his mind was still there, a gentle, loving presence. He fought for breath, clinging to that mind, knowing that his death meant the end for the other...

... Then there was air, cool and sweet; there was light, and voices called him; McCoy, hypo in hand; Christine Chapel's concerned face.

But his eyes were fixed on the door, waiting for the man who entered at a run, skidding to a halt as he saw the kneeling, gasping, but alive form of his mate. The dark eyes closed for a moment in thankfulness, then opened, blazing with joy.

/T'hy'la!/

  
***

  
When at last he had the opportunity to be alone with his First Officer, Kirk gazed at the Vulcan thoughtfully.

"You cared about me," he said slowly. "You really cared, and I knew it. I knew that you wouldn't just... just leave me... and I knew why. It was... Spock, it's selfish of me, but I liked that feeling of security."

Spock lifted a hand to touch the smooth cheek. "Jim, it is your right. I have taken much from you, but in return all that I am, all that I have, is yours." Slowly the Vulcan's arms encircled the Human, drew him closer. "Do you not understand that wherever you go, whatever you do, I will be with you? There is nothing that you cannot ask of me, nothing that I will not give you."

Despite himself, Kirk pressed closer. "Then set me free."

"I cannot, Jim. I mean just that - I cannot. The bond between us is too strong for me to break. It could, perhaps, be achieved by a Healer, I do not know, but I cannot sever it. It is beyond my power... and I do not wish to do so," he whispered.

It was good between them that night, loving and tender. Kirk could not abandon his mental resistance, but it was strangely easy to give his body free rein, to enjoy and return the Vulcan's caresses.

In the warm languor of satiety Spock leaned over, his lips brushing Kirk's face with gentle reverence.

"Jim. You will never know how much I regret my cowardice. If I had not been so afraid... "

"Afraid? You, Spock?" Kirk drew the silky head to his shoulder in an unconscious gesture of affection.

"Before - when my first bonding was broken - if I had had the courage to speak... I know now that you would have listened, at least, that you would not have turned front me in revulsion. Perhaps, if I had sought you as my warrior ancestors sought their mates, I might have won you in time. I wish... I wish that I had tried."

"You'll never know how much I wish it too, Spock," Kirk said sadly.

  
***

  
After completing a series of routine medical checks on Federation outposts the Enterprise passed near the Shore Leave planet. Kirk authorised a 48-hour stopover to allow his crew the opportunity to relax - it was all too seldom that their flight plan brought them within reach of the playground world.

Kirk had not intended to beam down himself, but Spock persuaded him to go.

"You have so few opportunities for relaxation," he reminded his bondmate.

After a half-hearted argument Kirk allowed himself to be persuaded. He beamed down with the first party, and Spock took himself off to the Science Lab to pursue his own research.

It was sheer chance that took the Vulcan to the transporter room a few hours later. Kyle was on duty, and Spock, with that innate consideration he would have denied possessing, relieved the Lieutenant for a 15 minute break.

When the console indicated a request for beam-up he was mildly surprised - the first section still had several hours left - but he was even more astonished to hear Kirk's voice request transport.

"Captain! Is something wrong?" he asked anxiously.

"Nothing, Spock. I... uh... I didn't realise it was you. It's just... I want... I need... "

"Please remain where you are, Captain. I will join you," Spock said hastily as Kyle returned. Moving to the platform he added, "Energize, Mr. Kyle."

Kirk was sitting on the bank of a river idly tossing pebbles into the water. He glanced up as Spock materialised, then returned to his occupation.

"You didn't need to come down," he said flatly. "I told you I'm all right."

Spock knelt beside his bondmate, careful not to touch him. "I know that something is wrong, Jim. Let me help... please."

Kirk turned, his eyes filled with anguish. "That's what she said," he whispered painfully.

"Miss Keeler?"

"Of course. She really did love me, you know. And I loved her."

"I know. Jim, I grieve with thee for her loss."

"Do you, Spock?" Kirk's voice was ugly. "Do you really? Or were you jealous of her?" His shoulders slumped. "I'm sorry - I had no right to say that. It's just... Oh god, it hurts!"

"A replica?" Spock asked wonderingly.

Kirk nodded. "When I got down here I knew I didn't want... any meaningless diversions. I was thinking about... about us, you and me, and I wanted to talk to someone. Someone I could trust. Edith... I must have been thinking of her... she was here before I realised... "

"And you told her?"

"The whole thing. How it all began, how I felt then, how I'm feeling now. She was shocked, horrified. I tried to touch her, and she shrank from me... She despises me... and she's right."

"No!" Spock said firmly. "She reacted as you expected, not as she really would have done."

"You don't know... "

"I knew Miss Keeler." Spock's voice was very soft. "I knew her, and honoured her. Jim, after the... the accident, McCoy took you back to our lodgings to remove our belongings and dismantle our equipment. Do you remember? Did you never wonder why the Guardian took no long to return us? Miss Keeler was not then dead."

"She survived? You should have told me!"

"McCoy and I wished to spare you. We knew she could not live long. I accompanied her to hospital, and remained with her until she died. The little money I had with me procured her a private room for the little time that was left... and though we could not afford to pay for treatment, I was able to... to ease her pain. She died with dignity, and in peace."

"Did she say anything? She must have known I could have saved her, and did nothing... "

"Yes, she spoke of you, and of her love for you. Jim, she was a wise and a generous woman. She saw what I had only just begun to admit to myself - that I loved you. There was no disgust in her, no condemnation. She said, "At least I know that you will care for him, since I cannot."

"I... I told her who and what we were, why she had to die. Indeed, a most noble woman. She understood, and forgave us both. I have always honoured her memory."

"Why did you never tell me?"

"I did not wish to hurt you. McCoy advised that I wait until you spoke of her yourself - but you never did."

"I'm glad she knew... why."

"She did, Jim. Can you see now that the reactions of the replica were created from your own fears? Think of her as she truly was, Jim. Would she have acted so, with so much hatred?"

Kirk sighed. "She would have forgiven you for... for that, too."

"Yes," Spock said quietly. "I believe that she would."

"And you feel for me as she did. Spock, sometimes I wonder if love is worth it. Look at us. I know that I'm hurting you because I can't give you what you want; I loved Edith but there was no way we could be together; Miramanee loved me - and died for it. So much pain... "

"Yet there is a wonder and a glory too," Spock said quietly. "I accept that you cannot love me as I love you, yet when I hold you in my arms I can pretend that... that you come to me willingly. It is not logical, but I do not seem able to deny myself the indulgence."

"Fantasies, Spock? Well, I can't blame you." Kirk smiled sadly. "I think... I think I'd like to be with you tonight."

"You know that you are welcome."

"I'm just as selfish, really. I use you for comfort, but refuse you what you really need."

Spock held out his hand, fingers extended. "It is a beginning," he said quietly.

Slowly, Kirk touched the waiting hand. "I do love you, in a way."

"I know."

  
***

  
There was a slightly more relaxed atmosphere between the two men over the next few weeks, so much so that the Vulcan began to allow himself to hope that his t'hy'la would eventually recognise that the bond between them was - had always been - inevitable; that he would forgive what he now saw as his betrayal on Vulcan; and that he would - in time - come to accept gladly the intimacy that his body welcomed even though his mind continued to deny his desire for it.

Kirk was... confused. The proofs he had been given of Spock's love were undeniable, convincing, yet a bitter, resentful part of him kept insisting that although the reactions of the replica were not those of the Edith he had known, they were certainly what he could expect from anyone else who knew of his relationship with the Vulcan.

That part of his mind played on his fear of discovery, telling him that it was simple sexual need that drove Spock to his body, and taunted him with the fear that some deep-rooted, hitherto unsuspected effeminacy in him had lured the alien to him.

Yet he knew, when he thought about it sanely, that it was his strength that Spock could not resist, and he knew too that his presence was necessary to his bondmate's sanity, to his survival - and not only in pon farr. It was natural to a Vulcan to be bonded. The lack of mental contact was as crippling to him as sensory deprivation would be to a Human. It was a characteristic of his race, that although they could function until the perfect, compatible mind had been found, once it had been, the urge to bond grew until it was either satisfied, or until both minds were in ruins. The fact that Kirk was Human had preserved his sanity, Spock had had no such protection. Now, bonded and mated to Kirk, the touch of the Human's mind was as necessary to him - more so - than food.

It was a new experience for Kirk to be absolutely necessary to another being. His family life had been happy, but there had never been anyone for whom he had been first. His parents, although they loved their children, had been in love with each other all their lives; Sam had hero-worshipped their father, then Aurelan and their children had absorbed him. As for his women... No, he had never been necessary to any of them. Even Edith - she had loved him, certainly, but if the time to choose had come to her, as it had to him, she too would have chosen to follow what she saw as her duty.

Spock... Spock had wanted him, had needed him... and had taken him. His Starfleet oath, his natural gentleness, his deep-rooted belief in personal freedom, his very real love for the Human, had all been swept aside, annihilated, in the furnace of a need he could neither deny, nor control.

The very intensity of that need half-frightened Kirk, but it was oddly reassuring, too. The knowledge that there was someone who wanted him with such passionate, single-minded devotion, was curiously humbling. And... exciting.

Tentatively, Kirk began to respond to his lover, seeking him out more frequently, bringing to their lovemaking a shy passion that thrilled and delighted the Vulcan. There was nothing that Spock would refuse him - except his freedom.

Spock could not help but sense the growing acceptance in his bondmate's mind, and revelled in the re-established trust between them. While he never ventured into the Human's thoughts he luxuriated in the touch of the beloved mind, and in the knowledge that Kirk too was beginning to welcome the existence of the link.

Spock had become so accustomed to the bond that the sudden disruption of the steady contact came as a profound shock to him, leaving him weak, giddy, and trembling. Fortunately he was alone in the Science Lab, with no-one to witness his shocking loss of control; he regained command of himself within moments, but the attack had left a raw, painful wound in his mind.

Carefully he explored the injury. Kirk was not dead, unconscious, or in pain. What, then, had happened? It had felt almost like the descriptions he had read of the breaking of a bond, but cautious investigation showed that the link, although quivering with tension, was still safely in place.

Had something happened on the surface of Alfa 177? With a sudden desperate need to touch his bondmate, to have the reality of warm, living flesh in his hands, Spock left the lab and took the turbolift to the Bridge, trying to think of a logical reason to recall the Captain from the planet.

  
***

  
On the Bridge, an enquiry to the transporter room produced the information that Kirk had returned to the ship a few minutes previously. At first reassured, Spock grew increasingly puzzled by the strange distortion that still persisted in the bond, unlike anything he had ever heard described.

It was like... He had always been peripherally aware of Kirk, of his mental state, his physical wellbeing, and his approximate whereabouts; now, it was almost as though he was linked to two very different man, one whose furious rage was a scarlet blaze searing across his mind, the other a timid, cowering creature filled with uncertainty and fear. It even seemed to Spock that the directional functions had been blurred and distorted, so that he could no longer be certain where Kirk was; just when it seemed that he had e clear 'fix' on his mate, a completely different set of signals confused him. The experience was so disorienting that he was tempted to retire to his quarters until he could restore the bond to its normal tranquil level, but before he could do so he was summoned to Sickbay to face an apprehensive, uncertain Kirk, and Janice Rand's impossible accusation.

His first reaction, that there was an imposter aboard, he quickly dismissed. An imposter might deceive the eye, but could have no affect on the bond. The cold-eyed, furious killer finally trapped in the lower levels made him, consider the possibility of a distorted clone of his Captain, but Mr. Scott's frantic call from the transporter room provided the true answer - contamination of the transporter circuits had resulted in the materialisation of two Kirks, identical in appearance, but each possessing only some of the characteristics of the Human's personality.

In some ways the discovery was a relief. Difficult though the problem was, it was infinitely preferable to a malfunction of the bond. All that remained was to repair the transporter and discover a method of reversing the process.

Linked as he was to both... men... Spock was aware of the terrible strain separation was having on each of them. He pitied and suffered as much for the raging savage as he did for the gentle, indecisive Kirk who clung to him with such pathetic trust, yet who showed heartbreaking flashes of his former independence.

Within hours it became evident that both Kirks were weakening more quickly than McCoy had anticipated. Reunion was essential if they were to survive. Tests on Sulu's 'dog' had reunited the animals, but had killed the recombined creature; they did not dare risk Kirk to the transporter, yet it seemed that they must. In the hope of discovering just what had actually killed the creature, McCoy carried the tiny, pathetic body off to conduct a post-mortem, leaving Spock in Sickbay to keep watch over the violent Kirk, who had been put under restraint.

A soft gasp of fear brought the Vulcan's attention away from the struggling body. The other Kirk stood just inside the door, his eyes fixed in horror and disgust on the writhing, cursing man on the bed.

"No... Oh no!" Kirk's hands covered his ears in an attempt to shut out the snarled obscenities. "I can't. That's part of me... I never guessed... "

Spock quickly checked the restraints and found them secure. He turned, caught the trembling figure in his arms, and held him tightly.

"Jim, don't. There is nothing to fear. That is not you any more than this clinging child is. When you are whole he will be buried deep again, under your control."

"No! No, I can't take him back! I can't!" The beseeching hands clung.

"Help me, Spock. Find a way. Help me!"

"Yes, help him," came the sneering voice from the other side of the room. "Can't have you upsetting your bed boy, Spook - might spoil his performance. As for you, you snivelling little coward...!" The sheer venom in the other's eyes and voice made Kirk shudder. "What makes you think I'd take you back? You're the one who crawls into his bed like a green Orion bitch on heat! I'd have killed him before he could lay a finger on me. But you... you love it when he fucks you. Can't get enough of him, can you? Look at yourself - even at a time like this you're clinging to him! God, you make me sick!"

Kirk shuddered, but made no reply as the other's tirade continued, smearing him with every obscene name and description in his extensive vocabulary. He offered no resistance as Spock drew him out of the room, allowing the closing door to cut off the sound of the raving voice.

"Jim, don't," Spock soothed, stroking the bright head pressed to his shoulder. "He is only trying to hurt you."

"But he's right, don't you see?" Kirk's voice was muffled. "He is the one who fights you. As for me... Yes, I want to be with you, to share a full bond... only he won't let me... "

Suddenly Kirk tilted back his head, a wild hope shining in his eyes. "Of course! That's the answer. It's so simple. We don't need him, Spock."

"I do not understand."

"He's vicious, cruel, and savage. Let him die. If... 1f he's gone, we can be together, Spook. You and I...and the part of me that resists you, will be gone."

"But you need his strength. The ruthlessness that makes you such an excellent commander, comes from him."

"What does it matter where my strength comes from? You can give me that through the bond. Don't you see, Spock? It's the perfect answer. You'll have the bondmate you've dreamed of, I'll have the lover I could never admit I wanted; and... and I won't have to take that monster back inside myself. Please - let him die. For me."

Spock gazed doom into the glowing eyes. It would be so easy to do as Kirk asked, to allow the savage to die. He could supply the strength that Kirk needed to function...

With a terrible effort Spock shook his head. "I cannot, T'hy'la. There is a promise I made to you. If I do as you ask I will have tampered with your mind, you will not be the Jim Kirk I...love. That fierce pride and independence will be gone, replaced by the docility of a puppet kept functioning only by the power of my mind. I do not think you truly want that, and I do not want it for you... Or from you. Your love, freely and fully given, is my desire - I will not accept a counterfeit, a shadow of my own longing."

"It's no counterfeit, Spock." Kirk's voice was very low. "I do love you."

"I know, T'hy'la." Spock touched the Human's lips lightly with his own. "Everything in you that loves me is here, and I want that love more than I can say. But.... The other, too, is part of Jim Kirk, and though that part of him hates me, I cannot kill any part of the man I love.

"And Jim... my strength will not be enough. Oh, you will live, and you will function adequately, but the Captain of the Enterprise will be dead. You love her as he does - I cannot allow you to know that you have lost her I swore I would not interfere with your command, and I will not break that promise, even though you ask it of me. You must be whole again, Jim."

"You mean that," Kirk sighed. Then he added urgently, "But while I can still speak freely, I want you to know that whatever he makes... us... say or do in the future, I love you. I will always love you. Do you believe me?"

"Yes." Spock bent his head to kiss the soft, willing lips for a moment before he pulled gently away. "There is much to be done. I will go to the transporter room and assist Mr. Scott. Wait here for McCoy - I will return as soon as I can."

For a moment longer he held the hazel eyes, then turned and left Sickbay, not daring to look back; he had overcome temptation once - twice might be too much to ask, even of a Vulcan.

  
***

  
The desperate gamble had worked, and Kirk was whole once more. In the flurry of activity to retrieve the frozen landing party there was no time for Spock to do more than lock firmly onto the mind of his bondmate in a greeting that was as real and loving as a physical embrace would have been. For an instant - a heartbeat - he sensed total response, then Kirk's automatic barriers came up in a reaction so instinctive that it was impossible to consider it a deliberate rejection.

Almost at once they parted, Spock to the Bridge and Kirk to Sickbay, where McCoy, even in the bustle of attending to the frostbitten crewmen, did not forget that his Captain needed a thorough medical.

It was some hours later, with the Enterprise on course for her next destined planetfall, that the two men met over an evening meal in Rec Room 4. Disinclined for conversation, they ate in silence, and when they had finished walked back together to their quarters.

Outside Kirk's door they halted, and the Human threw Spock a questioning glance. Slowly the Vulcan lifted his hand to touch Kirk's face.

"Good night, my T'hy'la."

It had somehow become accepted between them that such a parting was Spock's unspoken promise that he would not summon his mate that night.

Kirk smiled faintly. "Good night, Spock. I... "

A shake of the head silenced him. "Later, Jim."

"As you wish. Good night." The door closed behind him.

The Vulcan stood gazing longingly at the featureless panel. The desire for Jim burned strongly, but the hazel eyes had held such confusion he could not bring himself to demand his right.

At last, realising that he might be seen, he entered his own rooms. He stripped, showered, then moved to sit in deep meditation as was his custom each day. Tonight he meditated longer than usual, feeling the need to master the insecurity the disturbance of the bond had created, examining his mind for any injury caused by the duplication.

Satisfied at last that all was well he turned from his steady contemplation of the fire shrine to meet the eyes of his bondmate.

"Jim." Startled, he could not conceal his pleasure. "I did not call you... "

"But you wanted me."

"Yes."

Kirk dropped his gaze, his fingers twisting the belt of his robe. "I want you," he said jerkily.

"It is my pleasure to serve thy need." Spock kept his voice calm as he crossed to the bed and lay down, opening his arms to his mate. "Come then, Jim."

The Human's lovemaking held a passionate intensity, almost a desperation, Spock had never seen in him before. He did not understand, but opened himself fully to his mate, giving all that was demanded of him without restraint. It was - almost - enough to hold that cherished body in his arms, to feel the fleeting touch of mind to mind that was all the Human would permit.

Orgasm rocked them at last, but to his surprise Kirk made no attempt to leave as he usually did. Hardly daring to believe it, Spock cradled him close, luxuriating in the feel of the cool body pressed to his.

The afterglow had lulled them almost to sleep before Kirk spoke, quietly, almost thoughtfully.

"Spock, you're a fool. You should have taken what... he... offered. "

"I could not do so. He would not have been you."

"So tomorrow we go back to the struggle, part of me fighting you, part of me wanting to surrender. You are a fool, Spock."

The Vulcan's arms tightened. "I know," he said sadly.

  
***

  
A few weeks later orders came from Starfleet Command ordering Kirk to Starbase 11 where Mendez, now an Admiral, was conducting a survey of the in-depth defences of the sector. Kirk was to take part in the Conference while the Enterprise, under Spock's command, was despatched on a routine star-charting mission - a tedious, time-consuming operation that the Captain was glad to miss.

The Conference proved more productive than Kirk had feared. Mendez had enough experience in the field to be unwilling to tolerate the interference of deskbound bureaucrats, so that real progress was made.

Socially, there was more free time than he had expected, and several of his old friends were still on the staff of the base. He enjoyed their company, and as he relaxed he gradually began to wonder if this time off the Enterprise might not have given him a new perspective, shown him a way to be free of Spock...

Kirk was scarcely aware of it, but part of his mind resented Spock's rejection of his plea at Alfa 177. If the Vulcan had only agreed, this constant turmoil would be over - he would be a willing bondmate, untroubled by that part of himself which resented his position, and which fought bitterly for supremacy. And... which was winning.

Kirk realised just how much so, one night, when he sat in a bar, with group of his old friends from the base, listening to them discuss a Captain known to them all, who had recently notified a request for dependency posting with his Chief Medical Officer. It was not that the remark held condemnation or malice, exactly, but there was an air of mild amusement that the two men involved should be prepared to go so far with what was still considered an ordinary relationship. Kirk shuddered with embarrassment at the thought that this was how they would speak of him if his involvement with Spock became known.

As the evening wore on, and some of the group became slightly drunk, the conversation veered to speculation over 'just what they get up to in bed'. Kirk joined in, laughing as freely as any, contributing a suggestion of his own, but he was heartsick with fear that one day he would be the subject of just such lecherous interest. Homosexuality had been in Starfleet for years, and even on Earth legal 'marriages' could be contracted between same-sex couples, but many people still found it slightly ridiculous. and unnecessary. For the first time Kirk began to consider seriously if there might not be some escape.

He had twice been to bed with girls he had met on the base, and the tasran had not prevented him. It was possible, of course, that Spock was allowing him to amuse himself, as he had done before, but it just might be that over such a distance the Vulcan could not monitor him - he remembered that he had never been told what the maximum range was. Not that it really mattered - if Spock was not aware of his actions, he could advance his plans to a point where the Vulcan could not prevent him.

Subtly he encouraged Mendez to the point where the Admiral mentioned a temporary posting to the Starbase that would eventually lead to the Admiralty itself; Kirk indicated that he was prepared to consider the assignment - something, he would never have believed possible before that betrayal on Vulcan.

Only one final impetus was needed for him to make the break, and he found it during one of the Admiral's receptions, a semi-formal gathering to entertain resident diplomats, the higher ranks of Starbase personnel, and any visiting dignitaries. At the second such reception Kirk attended, he met Ruth Graham.

Ruth had been his first love. She was as beautiful as he remembered, and it quickly became clear that she had not forgotten the young cadet with whom she had shared a summer affair.

Within hours of their meeting Kirk knew he still wanted her. Within days, he decided to ask her to be his wife. That would free him from Spock, he thought with satisfaction; he would have a new job and a wife. He would lose the Enterprise of course, but not necessarily forever - he could reapply for Starship command in a year or two.

As for the Bond fixation... Well, he admitted to himself, he did not want Spock to die. If he had his freedom, and Ruth, he was sure that he could serve the Vulcan when his Time came again. Spock would sec the sense of it... surely he was tired of trying to hold an unwilling mate? Yes, let Spock have the Enterprise... and in a few years, then they were both happily settled, they could forget all the bitterness and be friends again.

His plans made, he waited only for the opportunity to propose to Ruth. That settled, he would accept Mendez' offer. The chance came one evening when he went to collect her from her flat to take her to one of the receptions; it would be the ideal time to announce their engagement publicly, and he was quite sure from her attitude towards him, that she was both expecting a proposal, and that she intended to accept.

As he waited for Ruth to finish dressing Kirk leaned on the balcony railing. Automatically his eyes searched the starfield, instinctively seeking out the sector where he knew the Enterprise would be. Yes, he would miss her... but he would gain considerably in exchange. Deliberately, he dropped his gaze to the lights of the Starbase. He would work with old friends, under the command of a man he liked and respected; he would have a home, a normal routine, a settled job like ordinary men; a beautiful and loving wife, and with experience of Starbase command under his belt, he could rise as high as he wished in the administration of Starfleet.

It was a glittering prospect, one any man would envy; so why, he wondered, did a feeling of acute depression hang over him, like a sombre black cloud?

"Sorry to keep you waiting, Jim."

"Ruth!" Kirk turned, smiling broadly. "You look great."

"I'm glad," she murmured, moving into his arms. "I want to look good for you. I have the feeling that tonight is going to be... special for us.”

"I hope so," Kirk agreed, tilting her face up to his. "There's something I want to ask you. But first... "

Lowering his head he took her mouth in a kiss that won a passionate response as her mouth opened under his. Her slim body pressed close, moulding itself to him as she answered his desire with her own.

Then, drawing back, she smiled into his eyes. "Does that answer your question, Jim?"

Kirk was leaning in to capture her lips again when, without warning, a wave of nausea struck him, sending him reeling back with a cry of pain and shock. His hand clutched at his suddenly pounding head and he dropped to his knees, whimpering with the unbelievable pain that held him in a crushing grip.

"Jim, what is it? What's wrong?" Ruth caught at his arm, and he moaned aloud - her touch seared like fire along his nerves.

"0h god, what is it? I'll call a medic... "

"No, wait." Kirk bent forwards, hands pressed to his stomach. "Don't call anyone... please; I can't be seen... Not like this... "

"But you're ill...

"No, it's all right," Kirk insisted. "I know what it is... it'll be over soon." The pain was fading, and he could think again. The tasran was vivid end alive in his mind, exerting its influence so that he cowered back as she reached out again to help him to his feet - the thought of touching her made him tremble with fear of the pain contact with her would bring.

"You should see a doctor. Let me call the CMO... "

"No!" Kirk snapped in panic as he remembered that the Medical Officer was a Vulcan. The man might not have a male bondmate himself, but he would certainly recognise Kirk's symptoms as the punishment for a defilement of the bond.

"But..."

"I said no!" Slowly Kirk struggled to his feet. "I'm sorry, Ruth," he said more gently. "I've had this before - it looks bad, but it really isn't serious. I need a few hours sleep, and I'll see the doctor in the morning."

"Will I come back to your hotel with you?"

"No; honestly, I'll be better on my own. You go to the Mendez' reception. Make my apologies."

"All right. I'll call you tomorrow."

"Yes, do that." Somehow he would have to think up a convincing lie. "Come on - I'll see you into an air car."

They walked down to the hotel foyer together, and waited while the doorman called cars for them. Having seen Ruth off Kirk went directly back to his hotel, stripped, and tumbled into bed, still weak and shaking from the after-effects of the pain. Reluctantly he swallowed one of the tablets McCoy had given him for the times he couldn't sleep, and as the pain slowly vanished he found himself drifting off into a half-doze.

An unknown time later he started up suddenly, as a weight depressed the side of the bed. He groped for the light switch, and found himself staring at Spock.

Kirk was too angry to wonder how the Vulcan came to be there. "You bastard; it was you. You promised you wouldn't interfere... "

"And I did not, while your affairs remained casual. This was too serious for me to ignore. You intended to marry the female."

"You had no right... "

"I have every right where you are concerned. There is also my position on Vulcan to consider - I cannot have it known that my mate looks outside the bond."

"So you'll let me whore around, but you won't let me make love, huh?"

"Essentially correct. But Jim... consider this, The female was not right for you, even if you were free. What you proposed... life on a Starbase would have bored you within weeks."

"So you generously kept me from making a mistake! It's my life, Spock, and that includes the mistakes in it."

"You are wrong... Your life is now mine."

"How am I going to explain to Ruth when I see her?"

"You will not see her, unless it is unavoidable. Tomorrow you will write to her, at my dictation, telling her that you now realise marriage would be a mistake. You may give the excuse that you find that you cannot give up the Enterprise."

"You're enjoying this, Spock," Kirk accused bitterly. "Does it give you pleasure to interfere in my life? Did you have to make me appear a fool in front of Ruth?"

"Scarcely that - she thinks you were ill, nothing more. It was the quickest and easiest way to prevent you from making a commitment I would have compelled you to break. I have known for several days what you were planning, but I was too far away to control you effectively. A little minor sabotage to the warp engines... and an agreement with Mr. Scott that repairs were best effected at a Starbase - and I was able to return in time. I have ensured that we will remain in orbit until the Conference is over. You will accompany me back to the ship, and you will never attempt such a thing again."

"And it doesn't matter a damn to you that I might love Ruth, does it?"

Kirk was too angry to be careful. "For all your talk, that's something you'll never understand in a million years, you selfish, perverted, bloody-minded bastard!"

"You do not love her," Spock said calmly. "You are using her as a weapon against me. If we were not bonded you would never have considered resigning your command to marry her."  
Kirk stared, open-mouthed. "You know nothing about it." he raged. "You don't know the meaning of love. All you know is a sick, perverted lust!"

"Be very careful," Spock warned. For the first time there was a hint of anger in his voice.

"Why the hell should I? What will you do - beat me? You'd enjoy that, I suppose. What a way to get your kicks, Spock - raping someone who loathes your touch! Can't you get it up for someone who's willing? If it wasn't for the tasran you'd never lay a finger on me again. God, I've been a fool! I thought our friendship was strong enough to survive this, but I didn't expect that you'd turn out to be a sadist. You and your 'honour'! I wonder if you ever were in danger... That's it, isn't it, Spock? It was all a trick to get me into your bed. And that bitch T'Pau helped you out... "

"Enough!" Spock's hand lashed out, striking Kirk across the face. It was not a heavy blow by Vulcan standards, but the Human fell back onto the bed, his head ringing. "You have gone too far."

Spock leaned forward, taking Kirk's face between his hands. "Until now I have allowed you to deceive yourself, building barriers in your mind against some of the things I have seen there. I have allowed you to believe that the tasran controls all your actions. That is ended. For once in your life you will face the truth, Jim Kirk."

"What... what are you going to do?" Kirk had scarcely heard and did not understand the Vulcan's words. He knew only that Spock was angry... and that he was slightly afraid.

"Do?" Spock smiled slowly, his fingers stroking Kirk's bruised cheek. "I am going to take you to the Admiral's reception. Ambassador Saron will wish to meet you. You may shower and change - I wish you to wear Vulcan dress tonight. We will visit the Embassy first, and attend the reception in Saron's party."

"I can't go. Ruth will be there. What can I say to her?"

"If we encounter the woman, you will think of something. Now go."

The water of the shower cooled Kirk's flushed skin, and he was feeling a little better when, wrapped in a towel, he returned to the bedroom where Spock was waiting for him, holding one of his Vulcan outfits of loose trousers and belted tunic. Kirk took them and dressed silently, while Spock in turn showered and changed into similar clothes.

The intercom buzzed, and Spock answered it.

"The car you ordered is here, Commander Spock."

"We will be down in a few moments." Spock closed the circuit and turned to Kirk. "Come here."

Hiding his unease Kirk obeyed, walking forward to stand in front of Spock. The warm hands cradled his face and his mouth was taken in a long, sensual kiss. He parted his lips instinctively, taking the meandering tongue into his mouth. Spock's body was moulded to his, and he could feel the heat of the Vulcan's skin through their thin clothing.

Spock released him at last. "Remember that you belong to me. Come - the Ambassador will be waiting."

During the short journey to the Embassy Kirk forced his raging emotions under control, and was able to greet Saron with a quiet dignity that impressed the Ambassador. The formalities over, the party transferred to official cars for the short flight to Starbase Headquarters.

Mendez greeted his guests, and turned to Kirk with an expression of surprise. "Glad you're feeling better, Jim. Miss Graham said you were ill."

"It passed off, Admiral, and the Ambassador was kind enough to ask Mr. Spock and me to be his guests."

"Well, enjoy yourself. I've got more diplomats to meet yet." Mendez shrugged. "Part of the burden of Starbase Command, as you'll find out, Jim, if you accept my offer."

Kirk moved on, for once following Spock, finding himself unable - or unwilling, to leave his bondmate's side. He felt very nervous about meeting Ruth - what would Spock say to her?

A short time later Kirk found himself standing among a group of Saron's aides, listening to the conversation Spock was conducting. Suddenly a warm hand brushed his hip and deliberately slid round to stroke his buttock; he swallowed an exclamation of surprise, and glanced at Spock, who was standing fractionally behind him.

Without interrupting his conversation the Vulcan spoke directly to his mate's mind.

/Your body pleases me, Jim. It is pleasant to touch thee./

/Please, not here!/ Kirk begged as he felt his penis stir in response.

/Here, if I wish it so,/ Spock told him calmly. /Surely you have not forgotten the tasran? If I gave the command you would offer yourself to me here and now./

The image he projected was so explicit, so sensual, that Kirk felt himself grow hot with shame, but his organ steadily grew until the constriction of his trousers was actually painful. He closed his eyes, grateful for the concealing length of the tunic while he tried to will his erection to subside, but without success.

/I think someone wishes to attract your attention, Jim./

Kirk opened his eyes, to see Ruth hovering just inside the door. Obviously reluctant to intrude on a group of Vulcans, she beckoned; Kirk shook his head, indicating that he could not leave.

A few minutes later the group began to break up. Spock lingered until last, then headed for the door, drawing Kirk with him. As they passed Ruth she stepped forward, smiling. "Jim, I'm glad you're feeling better. Come and dance with me."

She was reaching to take Kirk's arm when the Vulcan's hand caught her wrist, preventing her. She stared at Spock, too surprised to protest.

"Captain Kirk does not wish for your company," Spock said quietly but coldly. "He is with me. You will leave us."

"Jim?" The girl turned startled eyes on Kirk.

"I'm sorry, Ruth. You'd better do as he says."

"But Jim, we were... "

"I know. It was a mistake." Kirk looked at Spock for guidance, was given none. "It's... it's over, Ruth. Please go."

Ruth fell back a step, and before she could recover her poise Spock held out a hand to Kirk. "Jim, attend me."

Numbly Kirk touched the offered hand, aware that Spock was still speaking in the cold, distant tone. "I suggest, Miss Graham, that you make no further attempt to contact Captain Kirk. Your communications will not be answered. He does not welcome your company. Do I make myself clear?"

"Yes... but... I don't understand. Jim... Jim... tell me it's not... not..."

"Ruth, I... "

"No... I can't believe it... You and him... The idea makes me sick!"

The dark eyes held hers mockingly. "Sick, perhaps - but with jealousy, I think. Come, Jim - there is nothing to keep us here - is there?"

"No... "

Ruth's face was white as she fell back to allow them to pass. Spock laughed softly, almost mockingly, as he released Kirk's hand.

/That was cruel and unnecessary!/ Kirk thought wildly. /You said you'd let me tell her... make some excuse... /

/I changed my mind. Now it is unlikely that she will trouble us again./

/No, you've made sure of that!/ Kirk agreed bitterly. His only consolation was that there had been no one else within earshot - and it was unlikely that Ruth would say anything. But he knew...

With a silent sob of despair Kirk broke Spock's almost hypnotic gaze and hurried from the room. Schooling his expression to one of calm he moved quickly through the crowd of diplomats and officers, murmuring apologies to those who tried to hold him in conversation, until he reached the seclusion of the garden. He had been here before, and remembered a summerhouse at the end of a winding path, a quiet secluded spot where he could regain same measure of control over his confused thoughts.

The door was unlocked, and with a sigh of relief he slipped inside, crossing to stand by a window that looked out onto a lake. For a few moments he stood gazing at the tranquil scene, allowing his mind to drift in a limbo were there was no memory, no thought, no feeling.

It would be so very simple just to give in, to yield completely to Spock. He had long since known that had not T'Pau interfered, had Spock courted him, won him, he could have become the Vulcan's willing lover. What did it matter if he now gave the submission he only half wanted to withhold?

No! He couldn't... he simply couldn't. It had always been a facet of his nature -that from childhood he could be persuaded, never forced. As long as Spock used the bond to control him, he would resist, and as long as he resisted Spock would not dare release his controls.

Impasse!

Resignedly determined to continue his resistance, Kirk began to turn away from the window; only to fall back as a wave of sheer animal lust flooded his mind. His erection, which had subsided during the confrontation with Ruth, throbbed to full, uncomfortable life, straining painfully against the fabric of his trousers.

Spock's triumph filled his mind as the Vulcan fed his mate's arousal, and the low, seductive command rang in his brain.

/Pleasure yourself. Why deny your need? You wish to do this, and it will please me./

Obediently Kirk unfastened his trousers and freed his penis from the restraining cloth. Heavy and swollen, it pulsed in his hand, demanding his attention, and he began to stroke it, the touch turning quickly to a cruelly hard grip as he pulled at it, hating it, hating himself for his inability to control his own body. Hating Spock, too, for making him into a creature he despised. Jim Kirk, sneaking off into a dark corner to masturbate, fantasizing a hotter-than-Human mouth engulfing him, sucking avidly, demanding; and receiving its tribute from his aroused flesh. His hand moved faster, pumping, squeezing, and unwillingly a thought formed...

/If Spock was here now, he'd do it... He'd bend down, take me in his mouth, suck ne... He'd make me get on my knees, and he'd... /

His movements quickened, his head fell back. as the fantasy coaxed the impossible pleasure: higher and higher, more and more and more...

"Jim?"

The quiet voice sent him staggering back in panic, back into the shadows, praying frantically that it was too dark for her to see what he had been doing. He dared not draw attention to himself by trying to force his swollen penis back into his trousers; all he could do was to pull his tunic down as far as possible, hoping that the darkness would hide the all-too-obvious bulge in the thin material.

"Ruth," he stammered. "I thought... I thought you'd gone... "

"I did go, Jim." Mercifully she remained just inside the door. "Then I got to thinking... I couldn't believe... I must have got it wrong." She swallowed nervously. "You were so... so natural with me - you couldn't have been if you really preferred... And that Vulcan - he looked like he was making you say what you did. So I came back to find out, to give you a chance to explain. Is it true, Jim? Is he your lover? With me, were you only... pretending?"

"No, Ruth, I wasn't." The sincerity in his voice was totally convincing. "I meant every word of it." And he had, at the time.

"I was sure of it!" Impulsively she moved forward, then halted in surprise as he shrank away from her. "Jim, what's wrong? It is him? Has he got some hold over you? You could go to the Admiral... "

Panic rang in his voice. No-one must know!

"Jim, what is it? What are you doing here, anyway?"

"I... " Kirk's mind raced, trying to think of something that would reassure her, but more concerned with persuading her to leave before she realised his condition. "Ruth, I think... "

"Really, Jim, I would say your unpleasant little game had gone on long enough. I think you should tell Miss Graham the truth."

The two Humans turned as the lazy voice spoke from the doorway. Spock came into the summerhouse, closed the door firmly behind him, and nodded to Ruth.

"I did try to warn you," he said smoothly, "but you chose not to believe me. Jim has a most peculiar sense of humour at times."

"I don't understand," she faltered.

"He was amusing himself," Spock answered brutally. "He wished to see if he could deceive you by making love to you whilst he was sharing my bed."

"I don't believe you."

"Surely you are aware that Vulcans do not lie? You asked what he was doing here... "

Suddenly Spock reached out and caught Kirk's arm, drawing him into the path of bright moonlight that spilled through the summerhouse window. With his other hand he pulled up Kirk's tunic, and the girl gasped with disbelief as she saw the swollen, erect penis that bobbed stiffly before her.

"We had arranged to meet here to enliven a somewhat tedious gathering," the Vulcan continued, slipping a possessive arm around Kirk's waist. "As you can see, he was impatient - he decided to be ready for me."

"No! It's a lie! I couldn't be that wrong about him. It's you... you're making him do this... "

"Am I?" Spock's voice was silky with amusement. "Does he look as though he was being forced? But perhaps you wish to hear the truth from his own lips? Jim... " He swung the human around. "Your woman is here, and so am I. Which of us will share your bed tonight?"

Kirk stared at the Vulcan. Spock couldn't be offering him a free choice.

A memory stirred, something he had read in one of Spock's books. A Vulcan warrior would visit a terrible punishment on anyone - male or female - who defiled his bond. In the case he had read, the violator's mind had been broken, leaving him a drooling, gibbering idiot - left only with sufficient memory to understand, what had been done to him, and to appreciate what he now was. For an instant Kirk had an image of Ruth's beautiful face transformed into that of a dribbling, babbling maniac, and he shuddered with horror.

He knew what Spock wanted of him. He had to smile, to lie, to convince the girl that he had been playing with her, that he preferred his male lover; convince her once and for all so that she would never again seek him out. She had come back once; she must never take that risk again...

Where he found the strength he never knew. Turning, he flashed her a lazy smile. "Sorry, Ruth. You were a fantastic lay, but Spock's right. What I really want... " He pressed closer to the Vulcan. "What I really want is to get fucked." His voice took on an intimate, pleading tone. "Get rid of her, Spock, and let's got on with it. I've been waiting for you, getting hot... I want your cock in my ass... Screw me good and hard... I want -to make you come..."

"Yes... " Spock's hand curled around Kirk's penis, stroking it lightly. "But you have the advantage of me, Jim. You must arouse me." He transferred his grip to Kirk's shoulders, pushed the human to his knees. "Take me in your mouth. Suck me."

Ruth watched as Kirk's shaking hands reached for the fastening of Spock's trousers. Frozen, unable to move, she saw him draw out the largo, green-tinged penis, saw his tongue reach out to lick at the double-ridged head, and his lips part in eager hunger...

"No. No!" she sobbed, backing towards the door.

"Stay!" Spock's voice dripped icicles, his cold eyes finding and holding hers. "You will be convinced. You dared to think of him as a lover - now you will watch, and know that he belongs to me."

Mesmerized, Ruth could only stand gazing wide-eyed as Kirk's mouth swallowed the rapidly-swelling organ, sucking at it avidly, until Spock pulled away, his penis gleaming in the moonlight, wet with Kirk's saliva.

"Kneel for me!" the Vulcan commanded hoarsely.

Obediently Kirk pulled his trousers down to his knees and turned, dropping onto all fours, his hips raised invitingly. Spock's hands curved around buttocks, his thumbs opening the cleft as his penis nudged at the tiny opening, demanding entrance.

"I want you inside me." Kirk's voice was almost unrecognisable. "Shove it in, Spock - hurry!"

With one powerful thrust the Vulcan sheathed himself fully in the tight channel, and Kirk urged backwards, impaling himself even further.

"Tell me what you feel," Spock murmured, reaching round to grasp Kirk's penis, milking him in rhythm with his thrusting hips. "Tell her!" He quickened his movements, riding; Kirk mercilessly.

"It's so hard, so hot," Kirk moaned, matching Spock's rhythm. "I'm full... I'm bursting with you... can feel you ramming into me... It hurts... but it's marvellous... So much of you... and all of it inside me... I'm being fucked and I love it... Spock... Spock... Aaahh!"

Ruth watched silently Kirk's face convulsed in an agony of pleasure. His eyes were closed tight, a tiny thread of saliva hung from his parted lips; his body shook with the tremors of the Vulcan's climax, and the glittering semen oozing through the Vulcan's fingers showed her that he too had come.

Slowly Spock withdrew from the shuddering body, his hands stroking Kirk's face.

"Was it good for you, Spock?" Kirk whispered huskily. "It was fantastic... the best, for me. Oh god, I want more."

The Vulcan looked up, his eyes glittering in triumph as he studied the girl. "You have your proof," he said, pulling Kirk's head closer into his groin and guiding his penis between the Human's parted lips. "Never think of him again - he is not for you. What can you offer him to equal this? His sexual heat is almost insatiable, but I can meet his need. You could not. Go - and never speak of this. Go."

Released from the mesmerizing spell of his eyes and voice Ruth stumbled from the summerhouse, the echo of the Vulcan's mocking laughter ringing in her ears with the sound of her broken dreams.

In the shadows behind her, Kirk swallowed the semen he had milked from Spock and looked up, his eyes dark with misery.

"I never thought you cruel," he said slowly. "Why did you make me do that?"

Spock returned his gaze implacably. Now that his anger had cooled, he was slightly surprised that he had been capable of such a display, but he gave no hint of his unease.

"Thee are mine. After seeing thee in my arms she too will know that. She will never forgive thee. Thee will return to the Enterprise - and to me."

"And my happiness means nothing, I suppose?"

"Thy happiness?" An eyebrow lifted in an expression of wry amusement. "And how long would thee have been content with a Starbase posting, my T'hy'la? The Enterprise is thy life - thee would soon have longed for the stars."

"Perhaps," Kirk admitted resentfully. "Okay, you wanted to keep me, but why that? The things you said - the things you made me say... what we did... I'd never have believed you could humiliate me like that."

The dark eyes held his, and there was an unfamiliar fire in their shadows, so that Kirk caught his breath in sudden apprehension.

"You know how it is for me," Spock said with barely-controlled anger. "Since the day of our bonding I have done all that I could do to atone for the wrong that was done to you. I have tried in every way I know to win your consent, to reconcile you to what must be, and you have spurned every approach I made. You know that I cannot let you go - I want you too much, and if I attempted to break the bond it would result in insanity for both of us.

"It is possible that one of the Masters might be able to break it against my will, but I cannot, and will not, seek their assistance. And even if I did, T'Pau would simply have you returned to me, a chattel without the protection of the bond. She would do it, Jim, and she has the power - never think otherwise.

"You know all that, and you have said that you understand, yet still you punish me for something that is an integral part of my nature. There is a streak of cruelty in you, Jim, and because of it you have woken ancient passions in me. So I destroyed you in the eyes of your chosen female, and I will do so again, if I must."

"The bond!" Kirk said bitterly. "You can make me say or do anything you choose, can't you? But you can't make be believe I want you."

"No?" Spock murmured.

Slowly he stroked Kirk's thighs, his fingers following the glittering trails of semen that smeared his flesh. Kirk moaned softly, spreading his legs wider to allow the tantalising hand to reach further back until a finger penetrated his body. His penis stiffened, and Spock's free hand enfolded it, stroking him to full arousal.

"Take me in your mouth," the Vulcan whispered. "Suck me again."

Obediently Kirk accepted the engorged flesh, his lips and tongue working in a well-learned rhythm, His hips rose and fell as he writhed against the burrowing fingers that gently thrust and circled within his body, caressing the smooth tight walls of flesh. His penis throbbed in the heat of Spock's hand, and he moaned deep in his throat as he sensed their fast-approaching climax. Spock leaned forward, tracing the curve of a rounded ear with a warm, damp tongue; his voice was the merest breath of sound.

"T'hy'la, before we left for the Embassy I released the tasran. All that you have said and done this night has been without my control, and prompted only by your own mind."

Kirk screamed a silent, frantic denial even as his body stiffened in climax, choking as Spock's semen filled his mouth. He swallowed convulsively, then pulled his mouth from the Vulcan's penis.

"No!" he screamed. "No! I couldn't... "

"You can, and you have." Spock's fingers moved enticingly within his body. "This gives you pleasure, but you cannot accept it - you must always deny me - and yourself. You will deny again... but tonight I knew the total surrender of your mind and body. Never can you take that from me."

"No... I don't believe it... I can't... "

Spock made no reply. He withdrew his hand and wiped his fingers, cleaning away the semen that smeared them. Still without speaking he urged the dazed, trembling Human to his feet, pulled up and fastened his trousers and straightened his tunic. Quickly adjusting his own clothing, he took the pale face between his hands.

"Since I do not wish you to create a scandal, I must re-establish the tasran to give you the strength to behave naturally as we leave. Come."

As though in a dream Kirk followed Spock back into the reception. He heard his own voice utter polite platitudes as he said farewell to his host, felt himself smile; there was nothing suspicious about his appearance, it seemed, for everyone behaved naturally.

Only Mendez detained him for a moment. "Have you given any thought to that Starbase posting, Jim? I know the Admiralty is anxious to know."

"I'm sorry, Admiral. I've thought it over, and I'm not interested right now. Perhaps in a year or two... but I've still got too much to do on the Enterprise."

He spoke at Spock's prompt, but knew suddenly that this would have been his final decision in any case. The anger and sense of betrayal that filled him -were at the knowledge that the answer should have been entirely his, not the result of Spock's... ownership of him.

/I do not own you!/ The thought stung like a lash. /You are my bondmate./

/Don't you? What else would you call it?/ Kirk made no attempt to hide his bitterness. /You've demonstrated very thoroughly tonight that you do. The weird thing is... / he continued as he followed Spock into an air car, /that I'd begun to think... to wonder, now and again... that perhaps if we took some leave together, somewhere quiet where we could sit down and talk this out... that I might somehow... I don't know... not resent things as much as I did. Then you had to interfere, didn't you? Shame me in front of Ruth... / Anger at his helplessness flared high, a scarlet flame of anguish in the Vulcan's mind. /Well, that's over now. I'll never forgive you. I don't want you near me./

The car took off, and Kirk threw a wary glance at the pilot before continuing. /I want you to apply for a transfer off the Enterprise. I'll come to you at pon farr, but I want you off my ship, out of my life./

/No, Jim./ Spock's anger rose to meet Kirk's. /That is not possible. cannot live without you by my side. The bond has deepened to a point where separation would be unendurable for both of us. There is nothing I can do to alter that./

The car landed and Kirk followed Spock blindly into the hotel, where he packed, then allowed the Vulcan to lead him to the Transporter station, from where they beamed back to the Enterprise.

Spock left Kirk at his quarters, watched the door close behind the slightly-drooping figure, then continued on to his own cabin, a frown tilting the slanted eyebrows. Unwilling compassion filled him as he thought of the lonely man who had walked so quietly and dispiritedly from the transporter room. As his anger cooled he found that he was justifying his harshness towards Kirk; the Human had known perfectly well that his relationship with Ruth would be considered a violation of the bond, and that he would be punished for it.

But... that being so, why had Kirk allowed his affair with Ruth to develop so seriously? Spock would not have objected - not seriously - if he had simply slept with the woman... his foolish decision to marry her had brought his mate's jealous anger down on his head. It must, Spock realised, have been an act of desperation, an unthinking, frantic attempt to escape from a situation he found intolerable, or to test the limit to which he could go with Spock.

Spock hesitated, half-turning towards the door. Had he been too harsh? He had only intended to impress on Kirk, once and for all, that a Vulcan held his mate absolutely; but now that he examined his actions coldly, he was forced to admit that he had... yes, had enjoyed demonstrating his power over Kirk so thoroughly. For the first time in his life he had tasted the arrogant pride of the hunter who feels his prey trembling and vulnerable in his hands; it had been sweet at the time, to know himself so totally in command, but the aftertaste was bitter, as he remembered those wide, accusing eyes, the shamed colour that had flared in the downcast face. Kirk, who had never been defeated, had never bowed that stubborn head, had been humbled in a way that denied his very identity as a man.

His decision made, Spock crossed his cabin, entering the bathroom; he was not breaking his promise to Kirk by going to his quarters, he reasoned, since he did not intend to take the human to bed; he only wished to assure himself that Kirk was all right.

Emerging into Kirk's cabin, he saw that he was standing in the middle of the sleeping cabin, half undressed, his tunic trailing from his hand. There was something new in Kirk's stance, something about the drooping head and slumped shoulders that brought a painful lump to Spock's throat, although for a few moments he did not recognise the disturbing element for what it was... Then, with sudden clarity, an elusive memory came to him; Kirk was unconsciously adopting the hesitant, cringing withdrawal of personality he had seen - and despised - in the pleasure-boys of Rigel. The transformation had only just begun, would probably not be obvious to anyone else, but to Spock, his senses sharpened by the bonding link, it was as obvious as though Kirk had fallen on his knees and begged for his favours; if something was not done - and quickly - Kirk's self confidence would suffer perhaps irreparable damage.

And he had done this to his mate; he had broken all the promises implicit in a Sword-Bonding, to cherish and care for his t'hy'la, to guard his honour, to support and defend him. The victor in such a bonding had a duty to his captive, and he had failed. His anger and jealousy, allowed to rage uncontrolled, had brought him to this - an oath-breaker who had harmed the mate he had sworn to protect, and who must now, at whatever cost to his pride, attempt to repair the damage he had done.

Slowly, he took a step forward. "Jim?"

Kirk raised his head, and dealt the final blow to Spock's arrogant assumption that he could do what he wished with his stubborn mate. The human was crying, silently, the tears filling the hazel eyes and pouring down his cheeks.

"You left me nothing." His voice was quiet, desolate. "Not a shred of pride, not a scrap of self-confidence. You've won, Spock. Do whatever you want with me. Only... take me back to Vulcan and keep me there. I don't want to see or be seen... Just... take me away!"

"Leave the Enterprise?" Spock was honestly bewildered. "But that is what I sought to prevent."

"Do you think I can function as Captain now?" There was not even any bitterness in Kirk's tone, only a leaden resignation. "What happens the next time I do something to displease you? A repeat performance for the crew? God, I was terrified! Ruth was bad enough... I'll never be able to think of her again without remembering... but anyone could have walked in! Mendez, Ambassador Saron, anyone. For the rest of my life I'll be wondering if - when - you'll do something like that to me again. And if you did... if I saw Ruth's disgust in McCoy's eyes... " He held out shaking hands. "If there's any mercy in you, any trace left of the... the friendship you once had for me, take me where at least I won't be despised for what you've made of me. Please, let me know that my friends will remember me as the Captain of the Enterprise, not as your... your whore. I don't want them to see what I've become. Please!"

"I have wronged you, I think." Spock's voice was very quiet. "If I promised not to use you in that way again...?"

His voice faded as Kirk shook his head almost sadly. "You promised you'd never interfere with my command of the Enterprise; you were angry with me, and so you broke that promise tonight." There was disillusion in Kirk's tone, but he still spoke without bitterness. "I could never be sure that you wouldn't break this promise too. I just couldn't live with the uncertainty, Spock."

The Vulcan turned away, unable to look at the Human for a moment. The truth in the quiet words hurt him, but he knew that the accusation was just. There was only one reparation he could make. Quickly, before he could change his mind, he swung back to his bondmate, his hands rising to touch the desolate face.

"Jim, I am sorry. You are right - in my anger and pain, I sought to wound you, but I did not think just how much harm I would do. It was never my intention to destroy you. Yes, I desired revenge for the pain your infidelity caused me, but I would not - I could not - sec you shamed in the eyes of another. Ruth Graham left the reception before you went into the garden. She did not return!"

"What are you saying?" Kirk lifted bewildered eyes to his bondmate's face. "She was there... she saw... "

"No, she did not." Spock shook his head firmly. "All that happened in the garden was an illusion created by my mind and imposed on yours. You went into the summerhouse, and I followed you. I sat by your side, touched your mind to create that scene for you, and watched as you lived through it. But nothing happened - we were alone, you and I."

Kirk looked into the dark eyes hopefully, then shook his head. "How can I know?" he asked sadly. "You could be lying to me now."

"I am not." Spock hesitated. "If Miss Graham witnessed the scene you believe occurred, how would she regard you now?"

Kirk shuddered. "With abhorrence... contempt. She'd despise me... "

Spock dropped his hands and turned to lean over Kirk's desk, switching on the communicator unit. He keyed a set of numbers, then sat down, beckoning Kirk to stand behind him out of range of the viewer. Kirk obeyed, fear sweeping over him as Ruth's face appeared on the screen.

"Miss Graham, I wish to explain - and to apologise to you." Spock's voice was coldly formal, but the unexpectedness of his words caught the woman's attention, and sheer curiosity forbade her to break contact.

"What is there to explain, Commander Spock? You made the situation perfectly clear - and so did he."

"We did not. In justice to Captain Kirk, and to yourself, I ask that you listen to me."

"Very well." Her voice was as cold as his.

"The Captain and I are intended bondmates, but the relationship was - is -very new to him, and he began to doubt if he had made the correct choice. He had always cared for you, and when he met you again, he knew himself still attracted to you. The... situation developed more rapidly than he had expected, and he found himself torn between us.

"I was greatly at fault, Miss Graham. When I returned and learned of your presence, I was angry. I did not stop to consider motives. It is a characteristic of my race that we do not tolerate rivals. At the reception, my anger spoke for me, more harshly than you deserved.

"I ask your forgiveness - and I ask also that you permit the Captain to make his own apologies in person." He waited as Kirk pulled on a robe.

Nervously, Kirk stepped within range of the viewer, feeling almost dizzy with relief as Ruth met his eyes; her expression was cold, aloof, even angry, but held none of the contempt he had so dreaded to see. The Vulcan had told the truth.

Spock's mind touched his, not taking control as he had done before, but merely suggesting to the Human what he should say, leaving him free to choose his own words.

"All I can say, Ruth, is that I'm sorry. I was mixed up, confused, and because of that, I hurt you. Please believe that 1 really did mean what I said to you at the time - it wasn't just a line to... to get you into bed. Only... when I saw Spock again, I knew I'd nearly made a worse mistake - I really belong with him. I... I wanted to tell you myself, but when he saw you at the reception, he... "

Yes, he said." Ruth's eyes slid to Spock for a moment, then back to Kirk. "Then you weren't just using me?"

"I'm not sure, Ruth. I didn't think so at the time. Now, I think maybe I was, but I honestly didn't mean to. All I can say is that until I saw Spock again I wanted you."

Ruth nodded slowly. She was still angry, but her humiliation at having been used faded as she read the sincere regret in his clear eyes.

"Okay, Jim," she said at last, "I'll accept that. I suppose you did have a hard decision to make, changing your whole life-style like this. We'd have been good together, I think, and I'm sorry it didn't work out for us. It's for the best, I suppose, that you found out before we were married that you really wanted... him." Her eyes flickered to Spock again for a moment. "I won't pretend that I'm not upset, but - well... I hope it works out for you, Jim," she finished lamely.

"Thank you, Ruth. You're more generous than I deserve."

"I too thank you, Miss Graham," Spock's deep voice broke in. "I did not wish you to blame him for my clumsiness."

"You? You've got what you wanted," Ruth said. "Look, if you don't mind, Jim, I don't want to talk any more right now. I'll... see you around."

"Goodbye, Ruth," Kirk said softly as the screen darkened. He snapped off the viewer and lifted his head to study Spock's face.

"I suppose that should make me feel better," he said after a moment. "At least I was the only one you hurt. Ruth is... "

"Ruth." Spock reached out and caught the Human's arms. "It is over, Jim. Accept that." His voice softened, took on a note of appeal. "You still have the Enterprise."

Kirk nodded. "I have to admit that you were right about that too. I'd have wanted her back... You've still won, Spock."

"Where you are concerned, I always will. I must." The Vulcan reached out and stroked Kirk's cheek. "You are too important to me to fail."

The Human's eyes closed in mute acceptance of the caress, and he submitted as Spock lifted him, effortlessly carrying him through the connecting bathroom to lay him down on the familiar bed. As he began to undress, Kirk sat up, stripped off his robe and lay down again.

Nude, Spock joined him on the bed, and Kirk shifted slightly as he accepted the Vulcan's weight on his body.

/No escape... No escape, ever... / His mind chanted.

Then the sure hands moved over him in practiced, erotic caresses that had him writhing and arching in helpless abandon, all pain and humiliation temporarily forgotten in the haze of lust that filled his mind.

  
***

  
In the weeks that followed their departure from the Starbase, Kirk and Spock became aware of an increasing tension between them. Spock had consulted a Healer at the Vulcan Embassy, and had been told that the attacks of pain and dizziness Kirk still experienced were the result of the distortion of the bond caused by the splitting of Kirk's personality; he had been advised to put as little strain as possible on the bond for the next few months, and to consult Master Healer T'Quan as soon as circumstances allowed him to return to Vulcan.

Spock had managed to shield his bondmate from the discomfort he was experiencing, and had concealed from Jim the knowledge that his actions on Starbase 11 were, he now knew, the results of an almost unbearable attack of pain brought on by the further shock he had sustained on learning of the Human's sudden attachment to Ruth Graham.

He was not wholly surprised to discover that he now needed the almost constant reassurance of Kirk's presence. He resisted the temptation to deepen the tasran - in fact, in deference to Kirk's mood, he loosened it as far as possible - but as compensation he remained almost constantly at the Human's side, only leaving him when duty demanded that he do so. Each night now he summoned Kirk to his room, and although he demanded sex less frequently, he would no longer allow him to leave, insisting that he sleep there.

Kirk, for his part, was bitterly resentful and sullenly submissive, Humiliation and anger burned in him as he remembered the illusion Spock had woven for him with Ruth. He rejected totally Spock's claim that he had released the tasran, declaring vehemently that Spock's touch revolted him. He endured the Vulcan's presence, claimed his right in turn when his need mastered him, but he treated Spock with a cold contempt he had not shown even in the first days of their Sword-Bonding.

For the first time the tension between them began to became apparent to the crew, so that McCoy began to wonder what had gone wrong between two such close friends. His first tentative questions warned both men that their behaviour was causing comment, and rather than allow the speculation to grow, Kirk and Spock sat down to a serious discussion as to how best to prevent the resentment from flaring into open hostility. They were wise enough to realise that if that happened they could become a positive danger to the crew, and that for the first time they were allowing their personal lives to interfere with their duties - something they had vowed never to do.

The five-year mission was almost over. In a few months the Enterprise would return to Earth for a full-scale refit, and the crew would be entitled to a long home leave. Kirk suggested, and Spock agreed, that they should go off alone somewhere and try to arrive at a compromise that was acceptable to both of them; it seemed impossible that they could do so, but they both realised that they were tired after the long mission, and that their judgement was not perhaps as sharp as it might have been. In a temporary arrangement to defuse the situation, Spock promised that he would try to be less possessive, while Kirk in turn would try to control his resentment.

To their relief, the compromise worked. The tension between then lessened, and a little of their old closeness began to re-emerge in their daily contact. McCoy, satisfied, ceased to question them, and the crew settled down to eager anticipation of their coming home leave.

As time passed, Kirk even found himself viewing the events of Starbase 11 in another light. From his point of view he had been utterly humiliated - and in front of Ruth - by the man whose domination he resisted with all his strength. Even though he now knew it to have been a created illusion.

But from Spock's point of view... Kirk had found that he could not forget so easily his early-formed habit of remembering that Spock was a Vulcan, and that his attitudes and reactions were very different from those Kirk had accepted all his life.

Viewed in that light, Spock had been remarkably patient with him. He had not demanded the mental submission he had the right to impose on a Sword-Bonded mate of his own race, and his lovemaking had not been only for his own pleasure - he had always taken care to arouse and satisfy Kirk. What had happened on the Starbase had been the desperate, instinctive reaction of a Vulcan fighting with all the weapons he had, to keep the mate whose presence ensured his life and sanity.

Once, in all their time together, Spock had lost his temper. Goaded beyond endurance by Kirk's defiance, he had struck back. Kirk knew enough of Vulcans to be absolutely certain that any other male Vulcan would long since have crushed him into complete obedience.

But those were Vulcan customs, not his. It was one thing to understand them, quite another to bow his head meekly and live by them. The storm of confusion in Kirk's mind grew as he was pulled first one way, then the other, alternately raging at Spock first and then feeling compassion for the Vulcan's dilemma.

The distress call from Camus II provided a much-needed diversion. Spock was slightly wary at first when Kirk told him that Janice Lester was another of his former lovers, but the Human's tone reassured him that there was nothing for him to fear in their meeting, and in an attempt to display his trust in his bondmate he tuned down the bond link - which was at full intensity after the night they had spent together - to its minimum contact. Kirk understood what he was doing, and thanked him silently.

Kirk's attitude to the sick woman when they came face to face removed any possibility of doubt; whatever the human had felt for her in the past, all that moved him now was compassion for her illness. That being so, Spock was perfectly willing to leave them alone to talk while he and McCoy set off with Dr. Coleman to search for further survivors. They split up to search more quickly through the maze of passages, so that Spock was alone when a devastating wave of pain, more intense than anything he had dreamed possible, surged through him, overwhelming him so completely that he could only crouch whimpering on the floor, hands pressed to his face as he fought to maintain his rapidly-disintegrating controls.

The Healer had told him that the attacks of pain would lessen as the damage to the bond healed, but this was worse even than the first time. When he struggled to his feet at last, white-faced and dizzy, he knew, beyond any doubt, that the precious bond with Kirk had been broken, had been wrenched savagely from his mind.

How had it been accomplished? Kirk could not have done it... Then a sudden fear sent him stumbling back along the twisting corridors.

If Kirk was dead...?

He skidded to a halt, hearing voices in the room. McCoy and Coleman had returned before him, and he could hear Kirk's voice as he replied to them.

Not death, then... But?

Somehow Spock gained a precarious control over his mind and body and stepped into the room, giving his report of 'no survivors' in a calm, even voice that deceived them all, concerned as they were with Janice Lester's sudden collapse. He deliberately caught and held Kirk's eye for a moment, and saw no change in his mate's expression - it seemed that the Human did not realise that the link had been severed. Curious... he would have expected some sign of distress at the pain of severance... Then his own agony demanded his attention as he fought to conceal it from his companions.

He was aware of the general agreement to return to the Enterprise, and was thankful for it; let Kirk deal with the enquiry that must. follow - all he wanted was to gain the sanctuary of his room, to hide away like a wounded animal while he tried to work out what could have happened.

It was fortunate that they were all so concerned with Janice Lester that none of them had time to wonder why the composed, emotionless Vulcan swayed slightly as he stepped from the transporter platform, or to question his silent disappearance as the routine of Sickbay absorbed the sick woman and her escort.

  
Slowly Spock raised his weary head and sighed hopelessly. Hours of meditation had proved useless. The bond had been broken, and he did not know how or why. He had not imagined that it would hurt so much...

The bond had been broken, and must be replaced. That thought absorbed him to the exclusion of all else. Then he would talk to Kirk, try to discover what had happened to the human that would explain the severance. Some tremendous shock, perhaps... And yet Kirk had shown no sign of the discomfort he would have expected. It was very puzzling...

His mind made up, Spock left his cabin in search of Kirk; it was strange and unsettling, after all this time, not to know where his mate was.

Sickbay seemed the most likely place, and Spock hurried there as quickly as the turbolift could take him. McCoy was alone, and raised his head from a viewer as the Vulcan came in.

"Looking for Jim? He's in my office. Spock, I want to ask you... "

"Later, Doctor." Spock headed for the inner door, firmly controlling the impulse to run.

Hazel eyes lifted as the office door closed behind him, and Spock stepped into a living nightmare. He had been prepared for any reaction from a Kirk freed suddenly from the control of the tasran. Hunger, joy, compassion, understanding, contempt... he had been prepared for them all. But not for this.

A stranger stood behind the desk; looking at him with Kirk's eyes.

"Well, Spock, I was beginning to wonder when you'd got to." The voice too was a stranger's tone, polite, indifferent. "Never mind - it doesn't matter. Take the con, will you, and have Mr. Chekov lay in a course for the Benecia Colony."

"We were instructed to proceed to Beta Aurigae," Spock said, managing somehow to maintain the same formal tone.

"I know, but I thought it best to drop off Dr. Lester and Dr. Coleman there. I want her to have the best possible treatment. See to it, Spock. I must go and have a few words with Dr.McCoy."

"Yes, sir," Spock replied automatically, stepping aside to let Kirk pass.

Alone, he gathered his precarious control firmly around him. Something had happened on that planet, but he had not the faintest idea what. He would take no action as yet, he decided; he would watch, study, listen, try to make some sense out of the hideous joke the Fates he refused to believe in, had played on him.

  
***

  
Hours later he had much information, but none of it made sense. McCoy's unease... There was no evidence, but he had long since learned to trust the doctor's instincts. Whatever the tests showed, Kirk was not behaving normally. The man he knew would never have overridden McCoy's medical advice, and he would certainly never have stunned a sick woman so callously. Janice Lester was no threat. Her madness - if mad she was - had not given her any additional strength; rather, she had been as weak as a kitten. Why should Kirk fear her wild talk? Could it be - could it possibly be - that she was not insane... and that Kirk knew it?

There was one way to make certain. Knowing that Kirk was fully occupied on the Bridge, Spock announced his intention of visiting the Science Lab, and stepped into the turbolift. The destination he ordered, however, was the brig.

  
***

  
She was very tiny, almost fragile beside the burly Security guard who stood just inside the cell. What secret did she hold that made her so dangerous?

The wide, desperate eyes met his. "Spock, you must believe me; there is proof that will convince you - you know that. Touch my mind - see for yourself."

An instinctive fear of contact with an insane mind made him shrink back for an instant, then he stepped forward, fingers spread, to touch her face.

/Spock! Thank god!/

/T'hy'la./

It was his mate. No mistake. No possibility of error. He could see the raw wounds in the Human's mind where the link had been torn away.

/What did she do? Tell me quickly - we do not have much time./

/There was an alien device... / Kirk's mind provided the information, and the Vulcan nodded.

/Life entity transfer. I understand, Jim. I cannot prove this, but I can make her betray herself. Do not be afraid of what I say when I break the meld - I believe you, and I will end this. Trust me../

/I do./ Kirk's mind clung to his with an almost wistful longing as they slid apart.

"That is enough." Spock stepped back, pulling his hand away as he seemed to break contact abruptly. "I do not know what you hoped to achieve by this, Dr. Lester, but you have only convinced me that you are insane. Guard, I am ready to leave."

"Yes, sir."

Although his instinct was to return to his quarters Spock went to his office in the Science Lab. If... 'Kirk'... came looking for him, there must be nothing to arouse his suspicions.

For a long time he sat deep in thought, considering what he had learned of Janice Lester from Kirk's memories of her, seeking some way to find proof of the almost incredible truth. At last he nodded decisively, and rose. He knew exactly what he intended to do.

  
***

  
In the Captain's cabin Janice Lester explored her new domain with scarcely contained eagerness. The transfer was flawless - Kirk's door, even his safe, had opened to her voice command, the computer yielded classified information without hesitation. Only Kirk's personal log had defeated her, having been code-sealed. Not that it mattered; she had free access to the ship's log, and although Kirk's personal record would have been useful, she could manage very well without it.

Yes, everything was going as she had planned. Arthur had been right to advise her not to resist the medical McCoy had insisted on. Thanks to it, her 'identity' had been confirmed beyond doubt. She might have a few awkward moments over the next few days, but soon the crew would come to accept any alteration in the 'Captain's' behaviour patterns as a natural development. It might be as well, though, to avoid McCoy and the First Officer for the next few days. There should be no problem about that, though. McCoy's professional pride was hurt, and he could be expected to avoid the man who had slighted him. As for the First Officer - it was well known that Vulcans had little social contact with Humans, and in a duty situation she had seen already that his attitude was one of strict formality. There was nothing to hinder her now. Nothing...

She must not forget, however, that she still had much to learn. Captain Kirk might not know every member of his crew by name, but he would certainly know his Bridge staff and the Heads of Department. Fortunately, she had always had a retentive memory; the time spent on the gravitational studies at Beta Aurigae would give her the opportunity to become thoroughly familiar with her new role; then it would be back to Earth for a long leave, and by the time she returned to the Enterprise any differences in behavioural patterns - as long as they were not too marked - would simply not be noticed.

Yes, she had been very clever. She had outwitted those idiots at the Academy who had declared her unsuitable for Starfleet service, and it was the final bonus that it should be Jim Kirk who had handed her the key to her chains.

With a sigh of satisfaction she sat down at her desk, switched on the viewer, and began to study the personnel files on her Bridge crew.

A little over two hours later Janice Lester was aroused from her concentration by the sound of the cabin door sliding open behind her. She turned, startled, as the Vulcan strolled casually into the room - surely only the CMO had the right of entry? He seemed perfectly at ease, though, as he wandered over to the table and poured out two glasses of brandy. Carrying them, he approached the desk.

"Still working, my love?"

As she reached automatically for the glass she checked, startled at the endearment; before she could pull away he bent down and kissed her, the light, fleeting kiss of a long-established and accepted lover.

"Just some...details... " she managed, picking up the glass and sipping the drink in an attempt to hide her confusion.

The dark eyes smiled. "After what you said this morning I expected to find you already in bed," he teased. "And after standing your watch, surely I am entitled to a reward?"

The instinct for self-preservation kept her from struggling as he gripped her shoulders, pulling her to her feet and into his arms. His mouth came down, hot and possessive, the tongue thrusting, demandingly against her lips until they parted to allow him access to her mouth. One arm was around her waist, the other hand slid under the gold shirt to stroke the smooth chest.

Horror filled her as she felt her... no, for god's sake, KIRK'S...nipples stiffen, his penis begin to swell. Kirk's body knew and welcomed these caresses...

/It's not you he wants,/ she told herself fiercely. /It's Kirk. For god's sake, don't blow it now!/

Somehow she forced herself not to resist as the hand slid down to open Kirk's trousers; Spock reached in to cup the half-erect penis, and it thrust against the heat of his hand.

Slowly the Vulcan drew back, continuing to massage the swelling organ as he freed it from the confining material.

"Well?" he said, amusement in his voice. "Will you not invite me into your bed, my love?"

She was saved from answering by the insistent buzzing of the intercom. "Kirk here."

"Science Lab, Captain. Is Mr. Spock with you?"

"Yes, Lieutenant Moreau?" the Vulcan answered before she could speak.

"You asked to be notified when we had the results of the last batch of tests, Mr. Spock."

"I will be with you in five minutes." Spock switched off the intercom and turned, reaching out to stroke his lover's face lightly.

"Unfortunately, it seems that we are to be deprived of our pleasures," he said ruefully. "This experiment is too important for me to miss it for personal reasons."

"I understand." Hastily Janice took the opportunity to refasten her uniform.

"By the time I finish it will be too late for me to come to you," the Vulcan continued. "I believe Dr. McCoy is waiting for you in Rec Room 4. I suggest you join him for dinner."

"Yes, I might just do that."

Spock stepped forward and took her in his arms again. "And do not trouble your pretty head about those reports," he said indulgently. "There is no need - you know I always deal with those boring matters for you. Why not go to bed and watch one of those tapes we bought on Rigel? Then tomorrow you can show me what you have learned from them - the dealer did say they were most... explicit. Or perhaps you would like to play out the Orion slave-boy fantasy again? I think it is almost my favourite - you look quite delicious in cosmetics and belled slave chains. Now I must go - good night, my pretty love."

He bent his head and kissed her again, the gesture emphasising his superior height and strength as she was forced to strain up to meet him. It was a hard, demanding kiss, bruising the soft lips, and again she felt Kirk's body respond instinctively to the embrace. Somehow she managed to endure it until he released her and stepped back.

"Rest well - I intend to put you through your paces tomorrow night as payment for this postponement," he teased as he left.

When the door had closed behind him she gazed around blankly. Her eyes fell on the glass Spock had set down on the desk, and picking it up she hurled it viciously at the wall.

The intercom buzzed again, and she answered it, fighting to control her voice. "Kirk."

"McCoy, Jim. When are you coming to eat? I'm starving!" the doctor complained mournfully.

"Be right there. Kirk out."

Shakily she checked her appearance, and satisfied that she looked normal, took the turbolift to the rec room. The most important thing was not to arouse suspicion, to act naturally; later she would decide what to do. At least the doctor suspected nothing, she thought with satisfaction; the medical had laid his doubts to rest.

"Hi, Jim," he greeted her cheerily as she set her tray down and took a seat opposite. "I was beginning to think you'd decided to go on that diet at last."

"Oh - sorry. Spock wanted to... "

To her astonishment, the doctor chuckled. "I can guess what Spock wanted to do," he said slyly. "No wonder you were late. Well, it's not long now, is it?"

"Long?"

"Till your leave. 'Course, it's not my idea of how to spend it, going through a formal male marriage on Vulcan. Spock told me today there was so much interest in the first Human/Vulcan male bonding, the ceremony would be broadcast live. You've got plenty of nerve, I'll say that for you. I wouldn't think of taking on a Vulcan woman, let alone a male. That sex drive of theirs is really something! But you know that already if you've been sleeping with Spock for the last three months. I take it the invitation still stands for the Bridge crew and the Heads of Department to attend the ceremony?"

"Of... of course," Janice said faintly.

"No' butting in, am I?" A cheerful voice and a heavily-laden tray announced the arrival of Mr. Scott. Grateful for the diversion, Janice smiled at him warmly.

"Not at all. Please join us, Mr.Scott."

"And why the serious discussion?" the Engineer enquired as he unloaded his tray.

McCoy winked. "We were just discussing Jim's marriage."

"Oh aye. I canna' say I've a mind tae sich a thing masel, ye ken, but it fair suits the pair o' ye. Forbye that, it'll stop thae daft wee lassies frae moonin' over either of you instead o' getting on with their work. Oh, and dinna fash yersel', Captain, I'll see to it that the new double quarters are included in the refit schedule."

"Thank you, Mr. Scott," Janice said weakly. Did everyone know of this? "If you'll excuse me, Mr. Scott, Doctor, I've got some work to get on with," she added, rising from the table.

"Work?" McCoy laughed. "If you have, it'll be the first time; we all know who really runs the Enterprise!" He eyed Kirk with amusement. "You look very decorative, Jim, and you make a fine figurehead, but you know and we know that Spock is the real Captain."

"Well, Spock told me to... " Janice began, uncomfortably aware of the colour that flooded her cheeks.

"Aye, we can guess what Spock told ye!" Scotty laughed uproariously, earning curious glances from the neighbouring tables. "Run awa' tae yer bed, laddie, and get your beauty sleep - not that ye need it, mind," he added, studying his Captain appraisingly.

With a muffled exclamation Janice Lester turned and hurried from the room. Behind her, McCoy and Scotty exchanged glances.

"You heard. 'Doctor'. 'Mr. Scott'," McCoy said quietly.

"Aye, Leonard. I heard." There was no trace of laughter now in the Scotsman's voice.

  
***

  
In the privacy of the Captain's quarters, Janice Lester paced restlessly, heedless of passing time, her mind reeling as she fought to discover a way out of her situation. In the very moment of her triumph she had been defeated, everything she had schemed and worked for had been snatched away.

She was Captain of the Enterprise; and was merely a cipher - Spock held tho real power. She commanded men like McCoy and Scott; and they treated her patronizingly - Spock had taught them that she was a nonentity. 'Laddie', the Engineer had called her - he had all but patted her on the head; She had a men's body, a man's strength; and was treated like a delicate ornament - by Spock.

Spock; how she hated him! And how she hated Kirk! Kirk, who with the universe at his feet had allowed his lust for his alien lover to turn him into an insignificant, petted doll on his own ship. She had loathed her woman's body, her physical weakness, had rejoiced in the strength and freedom that could be hers; and in the Vulcan's arms had felt that strength to be as nothing beside his greater power.

And everyone knew! Kirk's intended marriage to Spock wan no secret. There was no way she could get out of this.

No! She had not come so far, risked so much to fail now! There was a way... There must be!

Slowly her cunning mind showed her what she must do. She had intended to leave Kirk at the Benecia Colony, secure in the knowledge that no-one would listen to the ravings of a lunatic. A lifetime's imprisonment in a woman's body was the perfect punishment for his betrayal of her. Now she must forego that revenge, but her only chance of safety lay in getting rid of them both, the Captain and his Vulcan lover. And she knew just how to do it.

A malicious smile twisted her lips as she activated the intercom. He should be back in his quarters by now...

"Mr. Spock, I've just remembered something I wanted to ask Dr. Lester. Meet me in the brig in five minutes. I think you'll find her answers interesting."

"Very well, Captain."

She was still smiling as she opened the desk drawer and took out the phaser she had noticed earlier. Not long now...

  
***

  
In his quarters Spock gazed thoughtfully at the intercom. The fish had taken the bait, to use one of McCoy's expressions. Slowly, his hand reached out to depress the switch.

  
***

  
Janice Lester was tense with excitement as she dismissed the guard. When the door closed behind him she turned to face Kirk, revelling in the sight of the face and body that was no longer hers.

"Well, 'Doctor Lester', as you can see I have Mr. Spock with me." Casually, she sat down on the far side of the cell. "I think you should tell him exactly what happened on Camus II."

Kirk's eyes were only for the Vulcan. "Spock, I don't know if you can believe this, but I'm Captain Kirk. Somehow Dr. Lester discovered a method of life-entity transfer. She tricked me, and used it on me."

"Life-entity transfer?" Spock said doubtfully. "I have heard of the theory, of course, but it has never been achieved, to my knowledge."

"It was achieved centuries ago on Camus II," Janice said gloatingly. "I am Janice Lester, this is Captain Kirk."

"Why?" Spock asked. "What did you hope to gain?"

"His power," the woman answered bitterly. "Then I found out that he's nothing but your fawning little bed-boy. Well, that's going to change." Rising, she drew a phaser from her belt. "There's going to be a little 'accident'. Poor, deranged Janice Lester is going to attack Captain Kirk, and in the struggle to protect his lover the heroic Mr. Spock unfortunately got in the line of fire. After a suitable period of mourning for my intended bondmate, I'll throw myself into my work, and become the real Captain of the Enterprise."

"You intend to kill us?" Spock moved quickly to shield his mate with his body.

"Of course." She raised the phaser. "Don't think that will save him - I'll simply kill you first, then him... or should I say her?" Janice giggled. "Quite a problem, isn't it?"

"I do not think you will kill us," Spock said calmly.

"No?" The familiar face twisted in a smile of hatred; taking careful aim she pressed the firing button.

Nothing happened.

"No! You've got to die! You can see that, can't you? You must die!" Janice sobbed as she fired again and again, still without result.

Ignoring her, Spock smiled reassuringly at his mate. "You may come in now, gentlemen," he said quietly.

Janice stared in wild-eyed disbelief as the door slid open and McCoy came in, followed closely by Scott, Sulu, Security Chief Giotto and Dr. M'Benga. Two Security guards escorted a pale-faced Dr. Coleman, and two more guards at once took charge of Janice, removing the useless phaser. "What...how did you know?" she panted, struggling uselessly with the guards.

Spock cleared his throat. "For the record, I now state that I became suspicious of 'Captain Kirk' soon after the landing party returned from Camus II," he began. "Dr. McCoy's examination seemed to confirm the Captain's identity, and although I therefore had no grounds on which to take action, my suspicions persisted. A mind-link with the prisoner transformed those suspicions to certainty. A life-entity transfer had taken place, and the person who appeared to be Captain Kirk was in fact Janice Lester; the prisoner in the Brig was the real Captain Kirk.

"I still had no proof to offer an enquiry, but being aware of the reliability of the Vulcan mind meld, Dr. McCoy agreed to a demonstration. We informed Mr. Scott, Security Chief Giotto, Mr. Sulu, and Dr. M'Benga, who agreed to act as witnesses. I set a trap by leading Dr. Lester to believe that Captain Kirk and I intended to become Bondmates after the custom of my home planet; Dr. McCoy and Mr. Scott confirmed that impression. The real Captain Kirk would, of course, have known my statements to be a lie; Janice Lester could not know whether they were or not. Given apparently impartial confirmation, she was forced to believe me. She therefore attempted to kill both the real Captain Kirk and myself, thus preventing him from giving information which Dr. Lester could not know, and to prevent me from claiming my mate.

"Dr. Lester's confession, and her attempted murder of the Captain and myself was witnessed on the security screens, and recorded by the ship's computers. The phasers had been disarmed by Mr. Giotto while Dr. Lester was as dinner with Dr. McCoy and Mr. Scott."

"So now that we all know what happened, what do we do about it?" McCoy demanded.

"I suggest, gentlemen, that we return to Camus II. After a study of the machinery, I can possibly learn enough to reverse the transfer. If not, I can obtain the information from Dr. Lester's memory."

"Good thinking, Spock." The Doctor's voice softened as he turned to Kirk. "Do you feel up to it, Jim?" he asked awkwardly; it seemed ludicrous to think that this fragile body held the mind of his Captain.

Kirk smiled faintly. "I'm fine," he said quietly. "Just very tired. I'd like to get this over with, Bones."

"Then what are we waiting for? Let's get on with it!" the doctor said.

  
***

  
An hour - or an eternity - later the flaring lights of the alien machinery dimmed again, and a familiar figure walked unsteadily from the platform. McCoy stopped forward to support him but it was to Spock he turned. Spock's arms that steadied him.

"Well? Did it work? Is it Jim?" McCoy was almost dancing with impatience.

Spock's hand brushed Kirk's face, and their minds touched lightly. "This is the Captain," he announced quietly.

  
***

  
The report of the events on Camus II brought orders from Starfleet to divert from Beta Aurigae and return directly to Earth.

Kirk had spent two days in Sickbay under McCoy's eagle eye, and had been released at last with some reluctance. His first action had been to call a meeting in the briefing room, at which Spock's actions had been explained in detail.

"I'm very grateful to all of you," Kirk said at last. "When I realised what had happened, I didn't think there was much chance of being believed... of getting back... "

"Try to forget about it, Jim," McCoy advised. "It's all over. And, I might add... " His eyes sparkled with mischief. "Don't worry, your reputation's quite safe... we all know it was only an idea of Spock's. You can relax - the wedding's off!"

"I'm glad to hear that." Kirk smiled, but avoided Spock's eyes. "What about Dr. Lester? How is she?"

"Complete withdrawal, Jim." McCoy's voice grew serious. "She might recover, with a lot of time and care. She's in Sickbay - Dr. Coleman's looking after her. He's the only one she responds to."

"hat about Dr. Coleman?" Kirk asked. "Is he in on this?"

"He says - and I'm inclined to believe him - that he knew about the life entity transfer, but not about the killing she did on Camus II. He thought she'd just taken advantage of an accident. Nor did he know that she planned to kill you and Spock. One more thing, Jim. Dr. Coleman read something in Dr. Lester's notes that she either ignored or forgot. The transfer isn't permanent. In a few weeks, at most, it would have reversed itself. That's why he went along with her, really. He thought that when she came out of it, was herself again, she might have learned... I don't know. I think he was just hoping. He really does love her."

"What will happen to him?" Scotty asked.

  
"That's out of my hands. But given Dr. Lester's condition, I intend to recommend that he be allowed to remain with her. Do you object, Jim?"

"Mmm? No, not at all - it's probably for the best. Funny, the things that love can make a man do... Well, gentlemen, if that's all? Right, dismissed."

  
***

  
In the flurry of preparation to get the Enterprise in trim for her return to Earth, there was little time for Kirk or Spock to consider their personal problems. Their days were filled with the million-and-one details of routine and reports, so that at night both were too tired for anything but sleep.

At last, all the preparations were completed, and the lights dimmed for the last ship's night before planetfall. Kirk was sitting in his quarters relaxing, hardly able to believe that there was nothing left to do, when his door buzzer sounded.

"Come."

"If you do not object?" Spock asked quietly as he stepped inside.

"I was hoping you'd come," Kirk answered, equally quietly. "We have some talking to do. Would you like a drink?"

"A small brandy, perhaps." Spock accepted the glass, and sipped at it cautiously. "It is pleasant, on occasion," he pronounced at last.

"Not bad, is it?" Kirk sat down opposite Spock, and smiled shyly. "Well, what did you want to say? Because i have a few ideas of my own."

"Ideas?" Spock looked slightly alarmed.

"Nothing too bad, I promise," Kirk said cheerfully, then his face grew serious. "It's about our bond, Spock. I have had some time to think these last couple of weeks, and I've been remembering all that we used to share before T'Pau's interference upset everything for us. We've both reacted badly, and all we've done is cause ourselves a lot of misery and pain. I don't want that any more. I was wondering... Do you think we could start again?"

"No, Jim."

Spock's voice was so full of pain that Kirk left his seat to kneel at the Vulcan's side. He rested his hand on Spock's arm, and felt that it was trembling.

"What is it, T'hy'la?" he asked gently.

Kirk's first use of the endearment almost broke Spock. With an effort he pulled himself together, and reached out to rest his hand on the soft hair.

"I too have been thinking," he said softly. "Jim, we arc no longer bonded. The transfer snapped the link completely. Had you not felt it?"

"I knew something was different," Kirk said slowly, "but I put it down to the after-effects of the transfer. What...?" He moistened his lips nervously. "What does this mean for us?"

"It means that you are free." Spock met and held the hazel eyes. "I was... tempted not to tell you, to re-establish the bond... You would never have known... But I could not do it. I formed the Sword-Bond under T'Pau's influence, but here I have no such excuse. I cannot hold you against your will."

"But you still want me?"

"I will always want you, T'hy'la, but... I cannot have you. I will not force you into another bonding."

"And I won't let you die!" Kirk countered fiercely.

Spock shook his head. "I will not die. I have been in contact with Vulcan. Tonight I leave the Enterprise. A place is waiting for me at Gol. I will attempt the Kolinahr. Achievement of that discipline not only purges all emotion, it frees us from the compulsion of pon farr. I will live, and you will be free, my T'hy'la - but we will not meet again."

"Gol!" Kirk's eyes widened as he remembered that bleak plateau, the calm, emotionless faces of the Masters. "No, Spock... I can't let you do it... "

"It is done." The Vulcan rose, drawing Kirk with him. "The shuttle to Vulcan is already within range of the Enterprise, and I have permission from Starfleet to leave at once. I came here to say goodbye, Jim."

Stunned, Kirk could think of nothing to say. He found that he was clutching tightly to the Vulcan's arms in a bruising grip.

"Jim... may I ask one last gift from you?" The dark eyes were very vulnerable.

"A... a gift?"

"Will you... freely, and without compulsion... will you give me one kiss to remember until... until the day I receive the initiation to Kolinahr?"

Unable to speak, Kirk leaned forward until his mouth rested on Spock's. The kiss deepened, their mouths clung, until with a muffled exclamation Spock tore his head away.

"No more... " he gasped. "No more... I cannot bear it... Jim, T'hy'la... farewell."

So quickly that Kirk could scarcely realise it, the Vulcan touched his face lightly, turned, and almost ran from the room. Kirk sank back down into his chair, gazing blindly ahead, too full of pain even to think.

At last he forced himself to his feet and crossed to the intercom. "Bridge? Position of the Vulcan shuttle?"

Sulu's voice came back to him as calmly as if the world had not shattered about his ears. "Vulcan diplomatic shuttle, with Mr. Spock on board, heading on direct course for Vulcan, sir."

"Thank you, Mr. Sulu." Kirk groped for his discarded glass and raised it to his lips. The sting of the brandy, a small pain in contrast to the agony that filled him, broke through the grey fog that blanketed his mind.

Savagely, Kirk drained the last of the brandy. "Gol!" he snarled. "Col!"

Into the silence as the sound of shattering glass faded came the slow, nerve wracking sound of tears.

  
***

Three years later Spock of Vulcan knelt at the feet of Master T'Sai, his gaze fixed on the symbolic pendant of an initiate of Kolinahr. Her hands moved, offering him the prize of a hundred lifetimes, and he reached out to take it from her, his hands steady.

Across the star-void a voice called without words. /Spock. T'hy'la. I have need of thee./

The heart that had been so painfully purged of emotion filled with a nameless joy. Slowly, deliberately, Spock of Vulcan and Terra raised his hand in a gesture of denial, refusing the symbol of Kolinahr.

He was going home.

  
***  
  
Epilogue - the Free Bonding

The tiny air car settled gently in the shade of the cliffs bordering the Valley of Fire. Two men emerged, muffled in desert cloaks and carrying survival packs. As the fierce heat of the Suns struck them the taller reached for his companion, settling the cloak's hood into place over the bright head.

"Jim, you are sure this is what you want?" Spock asked slowly.

"I'm sure." The human's lips curved gently. "I do want this, Spock. I've dreamed of it all those long weary months back on Earth. But you? Are you content?"  
"It is how I have always wished it to be," the Vulcan admitted softly.

"Come, then."

Side by side the two entered the Valley, walking steadily but without haste along the clear path that cut through the comparatively rich vegetation of this sheltered area. How many generations of feet had worn this path? Kirk wondered. Since the Time of the Beginning, how many thousands of Warriors had hastened towards the promise that lay at this trail's end? There were rustlings in the grass as small creatures fled before them, and once Kirk tilted his head to follow the flight of a flock of tilinyas as they soared heavenwards.

"There are no Hunters now," the Vulcan whispered, touching his companion's hand lightly.

When the sun dipped towards the horizon they made camp, Kirk building a fire while Spock prepared food. After their simple meal they sat watching the flames, talking quietly together; they did not touch, but occasionally exchanged soft, affectionate glances as their eyes met.

The hour grew late, and they settled to sleep, each wrapped in the folds of his cloak. Tentatively Spock extended his hand and Kirk took it, the warm clasp filling him with a sense of peace.

  
But the Human's sleep was broken that night. He woke to the last dying embers of the fire, and lay studying his companion's face in the fast-fading light. He did not move lest he wake Spock; instead he lay enjoying the feeling of utter happiness that filled him as he recalled the events of the last few months...

 

***

  
Scotty's eagerly-awaited shakedown cruise had revealed a few teething troubles with the hastily-launched Enterprise, and for all the senior officers it was a busy time, but a happy one, as they immersed themselves once more in the work they loved.

Kirk spent hours wandering the corridors of his ship until he knew every inch of her as he had done in earlier days. Changed though she was, she was still his lady; he knew her, and sometimes, in the early morning hours, he was certain that she knew him, and welcomed him back. It was a strangely unreal time as he waited to learn Nogura's decision, although he had little real doubt of the outcome - the wily old Admiral would have to admit that he had been outwitted for once, and that the crew which had so successfully diverted V'Ger was too valuable to be split up again.

In the evenings there were the quietly happy hours in the rec room. There was so much to catch up on, so much to hear and to tell as the links that had bound these men and women were re-forged, all the stronger for having been broken. They all came, eager to be one family again - Bones, Sulu, Uhura, Chekov, Christine... and Spock.

Spock. He was always there, saying little but listening with an almost painful hunger when Kirk spoke of his time at the Admiralty. His dark eyes never moved from the expressive face of the Human, even when McCoy or Sulu or Uhura engaged him in conversation. Kirk would feel that gaze, look up, and their eyes would hold for a moment; then each would glance away, knowing that within moments they would seek each other again.

By unspoken consent they were never alone in the first days. It was enough that they were together and on the Enterprise, that there was time and enough before them. The moment of total reunion would come; they knew that, and were content not to hurry its coming.

Late one evening, on his solitary wandering, Kirk found himself at the observation deck. He stepped inside, knowing even as the door slid shut behind him that Spock was there, and that the moment, half-dreaded, half longed for, had come at last. He locked the door and moved through the dimness to sit beside the Vulcan, knowing that Spock's head had turned to follow his approach. For a few moments they sat gazing out at the glory of the starfield, then simultaneously they turned, their eyes meeting.

"T'hy'la?"

It was a question, and Kirk smiled at the note of uncertainty in the deep voice; then he acted swiftly to dispel the Vulcan's doubts, extending his hand in the ritual greeting of bondmates.

"Of course." Then, "My mind has hungered for this, T'hy'la," he whispered in flawless Vulcan. "My eyes have sought thy face, my body shy touch. Parted and never parted, we meet again."

"Never touching, we touch across the stars." Warm fingers enfolded his. "I have missed thee sorely, Jim."

For a time that simple touch was enough, then Kirk moved to take the intent face between his hands. "It's been a long time, Spock, Too long," he murmured.

"Was it hard for thee, T'hy'la?"

"God, yes!" Kirk shuddered at the memory. "The minute I knew you were gone, really gone, I wanted to call you back. I couldn't believe it. I had the freedom I'd prayed for, and it was meaningless because you'd gone. I couldn't stay with the Enterprise - I took Nogura's offer, and told myself I was going; to make a life of my own choosing. I - I married Lori... it was better than loneliness... " He looked steadily at the Vulcan. "I won't apologise for her, Spock. It didn't last beyond the term contract, but she was good to me - good for me, after... Neither of us wanted to renew, but we parted friends. God, the way she died... " He shivered at the memory.

"I understand." The Vulcan's tone was gentle. "Mr. Scott told me how it was. Do not speak of it, since it distresses you."

"Well, after we parted I was alone again - really alone. Bones and I had quarrelled - he couldn't understand why I'd left the Enterprise - and when I could think clearly again I was too damned stubborn to tell him he was right...

"Anyway, I had plenty of time to think, and I knew I was missing you. I -wanted you back so badly... Did you know I even sank my pride and got in touch with Sarek? He was... very kind. He didn't ask any questions, but he told me that since you'd gone to Gol, no-one could contact you. It seemed... inevitable, somehow. As though we were never meant to be together. So I buried myself in my work at the Admiralty and told myself to forget about you.

"But... it didn't work. God, how I wanted you! I used to sit in my empty apartment at night and pretend that any minute you'd walk in the door. I'd have given ten years of my life for that, just to see you, to hear your voice, to sit and talk with you the way we used to do.

"I went on with my job, and I did it well, but I was existing, not living. Finally I made myself face the fact that you would never come back. If you had, what would we have done? I couldn't live with you on your terms, and you'd never indicated that you wanted to try mine. Once I accepted that, I decided I was going to make the best life I could for myself - even if the heart had gone out of it for me.

"It was then that Nogura contacted me about V'Ger. Suddenly I knew that there was something I wanted - the Enterprise. And I was going to get her. I'd made a lot of mistakes - some of them I put right. Getting Bones back was the next one I tried.

"Only... " Kirk hesitated. "At my final briefing, when I finally understood just what V'Ger could do, there was only one thought in my mind. I wanted you back, too. But there was no way. The Vulcan desert had taken you, and I couldn't reach you; and even if I had, how dared I presume that you'd want to come back?

"Then, when I first saw the Enterprise as she hung in dry dock, I suddenly wanted you - needed you - so badly that my mind cried out to you. I couldn't stop it, couldn't help myself; my grief and need and... love, all poured out into that one cry for you. And the strange thing was, I had the oddest feeling that you heard me."

"I did, Jim." Spock's fingers touched Kirk's hand. "Going to Gol was the only way to keep you safe, for even though the Bond had been broken, I knew that when my Time cane again I would seek you out. Only as an initiate of Kolinahr could I defy the tyranny of pon farr.

"It was a long and bitter struggle. No, do not be concerned," he interrupted himself at Kirk's faint cry. "It is in the past, forgotten. After many failures, many tears, I achieved a measure of success, and that enabled me to see that I must go on, that I must win - for your sake... Eventually T'Sai declared that she was satisfied - she would accept me as an initiate of Kolinahr.

"It is...a custom... that before initiation candidates are permitted to take leave of their families; I rejected the opportunity. There was only one to whom I wished to bid farewell, and I carried your image in my heart.

"On the morning of my acceptance I withdrew from the Masters, and for the first time in months, for the last time in this life, I permitted myself to think fully of you. For a brief moment I recalled the glory of loving you - then I tore your face from my thoughts and returned to the Place of Initiation.

"It was as I knelt before T'Sai, in the very moment that the prize I had laboured so hard to win was held out for my taking, that I felt your call. I... refused initiation. T'Sai demanded her right to see my mind, for she too had felt the backlash of that contact. As soon as she touched me she knew that I would not remain at Gol. Only the most desperate need could reach me over such a distance, and in the instant of contact I answered that call. Rejecting all that Vulcan offered, I came to your side - because you needed me... and because I could not deny my need for you."

"And now?" Kirk's question was the merest breath.

"I... scarcely know. When I made my choice, all that mattered was to bring you safely through the danger that faced you - if I could. I did not think beyond that. All I can say is that I still need you, still desire you... still love you."

"But if the choice was yours to make?" Kirk persisted.

The dark eyes net his steadily. "I would court you, T'hy'la, after the custom of my ancestors; and if I won you, I would stand with you in a free Bonding."

A smile of sheer delight curved the human's full lips. "A second chance for both of us," he murmured. "Spock... I don't think you'll find my consent too hard to win."

  
***

  
Nor had it been, thought Kirk happily as he stirred and glanced across at the sleeping Vulcan. The ritual of warrior courtship had intrigued him with its innocent formality. On his visits to the Vulcan's quarters the sleeping area was discreetly screened off, and a hologram. of Sarek and Amanda stood prominently on the desk.

Never having seen such evidence of family feeling before, Kirk was curious enough to ask the reason. Spock smiled faintly.

"It is... a mark of respect to you, Jim. Even in our undisciplined past, a warrior would honour his parents. He would not dream of approaching his bondmate in their presence with anything other than the ritual touching of hands. In time, it became accepted that a family portrait displayed as this one is was considered symbolic of the actual presence of the person. The custom has survived to the present day. In effect, they are your... your chaperones, Jim."

"Chaperones!" Kirk had choked back a laugh, realising that Spock was serious. For his own part he would have been happy to resume their physical relationship at once, but the Vulcan would not agree.

"Why, Spock?" Kirk asked, bewildered. "I mean, it's not as if I was a... a virgin, or anything."

"I know, but," Spock took the human's hand gently, "If you wish, you can say that I wish to prove something to myself, and to you. Last time, you were hunted down, trapped into a Sword-Bonding, with no choice, no defence. I wanted you, you were given to me, and I took you. I wish this to be... different."

"Spock, you're not punishing yourself, are you?" Kirk asked suspiciously. "Because if so I won't have it."

Spock shook his head. "I wish only to grant you the dignity of a free bonded warrior. The Sword-Bonding is broken, and I have no rights over you. I will not anticipate your consent now." He looked appealingly at his Human. "Try to understand, Jim. There is little enough I can do to atone. Let me at least know that you go to our bonding unfettered by any chains from the past. You have warrior rank on Vulcan; let me acknowledge it. Please?"

"Of course, if you wish it," Kirk replied softly. "I only want you to know that I want you, my Vulcan, whenever and wherever you wish."

The dark eyes softened into a smile. "It is not, after all, so very long to wait," he remarked thoughtfully. "At the completion of our trials, we are to report to Vulcan to allow experts from the Academy to assess our new computers. That will take several days. If you consent, I will ask Sarek to make arrangements for us."

Kirk smiled in anticipation. "Yes, please," he whispered.

  
***

  
Now, three months later, they were on Vulcan, travelling through the Valley. This time Kirk walked at Spock's side, occasionally quickening their pace in his eagerness to reach the Cave of Fire. Indeed, he would quite cheerfully have travelled through the night, but Spock insisted that he get some rest before the ceremony.

Although he was aware of being tired, he could not seem to fall asleep again, and instead contented himself with watching the Vulcan's relaxed face, enjoying the feel of the warm hand in his; he reflected happily that this was the last night he would sleep alone.

Kirk had done some serious thinking in the last few weeks. He was certain that he could now willingly give the total fidelity due to a bondmate, for there had always been pleasure with Spock; and having consented to the bonding he knew that he could, and would, keep his vows. What mattered to him was the knowledge that he was not being forced into the relationship; it was his own free choice as a willing partner, not a victim. All his struggles and protests in the past had been against that compulsion, not against Spock, and now that his consent had been asked and given, he was as eager as tho Vulcan for the reaffirmation of their love.

Kirk fell asleep at last, but the Suns had barely cleared the horizon when he was up, shaking Spock awake.

"Come on!" he laughed teasingly. "I don't want to miss a minute of today - and I can't wait for it to start!"

  
***

  
At the entrance to the cave they halted and removed their desert cloaks. Both then were wearing the rich tunics that were the traditional dress of Warriors in camp - last time, Spock's attire had been that of a Hunter - and Kirk too now carried the sword, in recognition of his rank.

The Cave was lit, as before, by the pillar of flame, but as they stepped within range of its light, Kirk saw that the bonded warriors stood waiting for them, welcoming two new brothers to their company; a Sword-Bonded, although not considered inferior, was nevertheless not a willing recruit to their ranks, and so would not be greeted until his mate had claimed him. This time Kirk was eager to join them, and so they hailed him and Spock with t.he dignified salute of the Warriors. At the same moment the Flame flared high, as if adding its own welcome.

"My brothers, we come to our bonding." Spock's voice rang with joy and anticipation. "We ask you to witness our vows."

"You both come willingly to the Flame?" One of the Warriors - Kirk was sure it was the same one who had spoken last time he stood here - put the question. "There is no coercion?"

"None," Spock replied firmly.

"We come willingly," Kirk added.

"Then draw near, and make your vows."

The circle of Vulcans closed around them as Kirk and Spock halted before a stone table, on which stood only a goblet of wine. Spock picked it up and held it out to Kirk.

"As thee take this gift of wine from my hand, accept also my sword for thy service, my life for thy shield, my honour for thine," he said clearly. "Take my body for thy pleasure, for all that I have, all that I am belongs only to thee, T'hy'la."

Kirk licked suddenly dry lips as he bent his head to taste the wine. It seemed to him that the Warrior-Bonding still followed the ancient traditions of their world in that their vows pledged pleasure as well as duty to their mates; even the vows of a Sword-Bonding implied that. In contrast, a male/female bonding, whether a Child-Bond, as Spock's and T'Pring's had been, or a Free-Bond between adults, spoke only of the duty. He must remember to ask Spock about that... some time.

Kirk took the goblet from Spock's hands, and his voice was clear and confident as he made his own offer; the dark eyes held his for an instant, joy shining in their depths, before Spock in turn drank the wine of acceptance.

Three of the Vulcans left the circle, one to remove the wine, two to open Kirk's and Spock's tunics. In unison the two men raised their swords; and each carefully made a tiny cut at the base of the other's throat. Kirk gasped as Spock's mouth came down, taking his blood as the S'Kandarai had done for centuries; his own mouth on Spock's throat was a hungry caress.

Then Spock drew away to take the Human's face between his hands, his fingers moving to the contact points, and Kirk felt the never-forgotten, long yearned-for pleasure of Spock's mind fastening on his. This was not the pitiful, stunted linking of the tasran, a sterile, humiliating control of one mind by another; this was the true bond, rich and deep, selfless and giving, a link that took their two separate, individual life forces and melded them into one loving, trembling, ecstatic unity.

Kirk's knees shook as his mind absorbed the impact, as he realised just how much Spock was allowing him to see, how much the Vulcan could see of him. Later this vision would be tested, savoured to the fullest, but for now it was enough to know that it was there.

"We are committed, mind and flesh and spirit," they almost chanted in unison. "We are one. We claim your acknowledgement, brothers."

In response the Vulcans gave the cry of greeting and acceptance that had united the S'Kandarai since the Time of the Beginning; the circle parted for then, and hand in hand they moved forward.

Kirk knew where they wore going, but this time he walked of his own free will, not carried as helpless prey in the arms of the Hunter who had won him. The memory reached the Vulcan, and his mind answered softly.

/A new beginning, Jim./

/A new beginning, Spock./

  
***

  
The suite of rooms that formed the retreat for bonded Warriors was just -as Kirk remembered it. A meal was waiting for them, as before, but this time they were not alone. Eight Vulcans, four bonded couples, were present to wait on them to present the meal, not as servants but as brothers paying honour to their own kind.

Spock had explained this custom to Kirk, explaining that as an offworlder the Warriors would understand if he chose not to follow it, but Kirk wished to do so, knowing that by it they were showing acceptance of him.

At the conclusion of the meal the two men rose, signalling that they intended to retire; the elder partner of each couple closed around Spock, the younger around Kirk, and they were led apart.

In the bathroom the Vulcans assisted Kirk to undress, taking his clothes as he removed them, folding them and laying them aside. Two of them steadied him as he stepped into the bath, then they stood back, waiting until he had finished.

Strangely, he felt no embarrassment under their scrutiny, as he would have done with Humans, for he knew that they appraised his body without curiosity, judging his strength and beauty as a fellow warrior and nothing more. Spock, he knew, was being similarly attended in the suite's other bathroom - last time it had not been used, for the successful Hunter tended his captive personally.

Kirk vas enfolded in towels as he emerged from the bath, and dried, then led to a low couch. The Vulcans bent over hire, giving a slow, relaxing massage, smoothing his skin with oil. He was being prepare=d for Spock's pleasure...and had to fight down an almost overwhelming surge of lust as he visualised his lover being similarly readied for him.

At last he was assisted to his feet, and helped into a richly embroidered robe of heavy white silk. He took a moment to smooth his hair, then turned from the mirror, smiling, to indicate that he was ready.

The Vulcans escorted him into the bedroom. Just as they entered, a door at the far side of the room opened and Spock appeared, dressed in an identical robe and accompanied by his own escort.

The two groups met at the foot of the bed. Kirk realised that the leader of the Warriors, with his mate, was also in the rooms. For a moment no-one moved, then Kirk's companions unfastened and removed his robe, while the others performed the same service for Spock.

Fighting the temptation to take the beloved body into his arms, Kirk raised his hand and Spock touched it in the ritual embrace.

"We wish thee both joy in thy bonding," the leader said, then the Vulcans withdrew silently, leaving the new bondmates alone.

"At last!" Kirk breathed, allowing his gaze to travel slowly down his lover's body. "Now I know why Vulcans prize self-control, Spock - if they'd stayed a minute longer, I'd have shocked them out of their tiny Vulcan minds." The teasing note faded from his voice and his eyes darkened, soft and warm with love. "It's been a long time... too long."

"Indeed." Spock seemed almost afraid to move. "I have hungered for this, T'hy'la - to see thee again, ready and eager for my touch. Yet now I wonder... are thee real, Jim?"

"Very real, T'hy'la." Kirk took the final step that separated them and their mouths met, opening to each other, sealed into a desperate kiss of need and longing.

Only the necessity to breathe made them break apart at last. Kirk leaned back against Spock's arms, tracing the parted lips with gentle fingers.

"Funny," he mused. "Today was... it seemed right, somehow. Yet if they'd done that last time... " He shivered.

Spock gazed at him anxiously. "Thee truly did not mind?"

"No, I didn't," Kirk said thoughtfully. "On the face of it, it sounds a bit strange, being led in like that and stripped for your approval. But then... " His eyes sparkled wickedly. "They presented you for mine. And knowing that they in turn had all gone through the same ceremony... I was treated as one of them."

"As a Free-Bonded warrior," Spock agreed. "But speaking of approval... Did I please you, Jim?"

"I'm not sure," Kirk teased. "Perhaps I'd better have another... "

His voice faded as the demanding mouth took his again, and he parted his lips, eagerly accepting the thrusting tongue. He slid his hands down Spock's back to the firm buttocks, pulling their hips closer together, a flush of desire coursing through him as he felt Spock's hardness swelling against his own.

Slowly, Spock drew back, his dark eyes shining. "I await thy pleasure," he whispered against Kirk's ear. "What is thy will?"

"Spock, would you mind if... " Kirk rubbed slowly at a green-bronze nipple. "Would you take me first?" he finished quickly.

"But... "

"It'd mean a lot to me. Before... you took me; now, I want to give to you. Please - for me?"

"You are generous, T'hy'la." Spock entangled his hand in the soft hair, marvelling at the silky texture as it coiled around his fingers.

"Just impatient," Kirk grinned, snaking down to sprawl gracefully across the bed. "Come here, love, and love me."

Spock took the beckoning hand and joined his lover on the bed. Their past intimacy had banished any trace of shyness in Kirk, and he relaxed, enjoying the pleasure Spock found in looking at his body. His own eyes were busy, assessing the lean strength of the man who bent over him.

The hands that touched him were warm, gentle, seeking out each sensitive area with confident familiarity, stroking fire along every nerve. A wet mouth coaxed each nipple to straining erection; delicious sucking, nibbling kisses worked their way down his belly and thighs; hands slid beneath him, cupping the firm swelling of his buttocks, fingers probing the cleft and opening it. Warm breath stirred the crisp curls of hair at his groin, producing an involuntary shiver; fingers rubbed at his anus, stroking the muscles until they relaxed, and slid into him, circling inside the tight channel. His hips arched at an unexpected thrust deep inside him, and the movement sheathed his penis in the moist heat of Spock's mouth.

Kirk groaned in pleasure, his hands pulling the silky head closer as he buried himself in the wet heat, urging Spock's rhythmic sucking; with short, fierce cries of delight. He was too aroused to let it last, Spock sensed that, and sucked harder, milking the semen from him in uncontrollable spasms.

As his softening penis slipped from the Vulcan's lips Kirk arched upwards for a kiss, his inquisitive tongue probing deep to seek out the last traces of his own semen in Spock's mouth.

"Mmm," he sighed, drawing back slightly. "That was good, Spock." He leaned back against the pillows, his legs spread wide, and stroked his thighs invitingly. "But now I want you inside me, T'hy'la. Come, my warrior - take what is yours."

For an endless moment Spock indulged in the sheer pleasure of gazing down at his lover, absorbing every detail of a picture no-one else would ever see; Kirk lay ready for him, willing and responsive, an innocent wanton freely granting the ultimate submission. His face was flushed, his eyes bright with desire, the full lips slightly parted; the smooth chest rose and fell with his unsteady breathing, and the sensuous writhing of his hips was a blatant invitation.

Spock reached for the cream that had been placed ready, and slowly smoothed it over his straining penis. Covering his fingers, he reached out to Kirk, and as the Human raised his hips he carefully lubricated the anus, pressing gently inside to bathe the tender flesh in the cool, silky cream. Only when he was satisfied that Kirk was fully dilated did he withdraw his hand, but as he turned to position himself between his lover's legs, Kirk held him back.

"Wait," the Human gasped hoarsely. "I want to... let me... "

He pushed Spock back onto the bed, and knelt astride his hips, leaning down to kiss his mouth.

"The ultimate gift," Kirk whispered. "I know I can do it now - and I want to give you this."

"Jim - are you sure?"

Kirk's only answer was a dazzling smile as he reached down to coax the green-tinged penis to full erection. "0h yes," he said. "I'm sure."

He rose and positioned himself, guiding the head down the cleft of his ass until he could feel it pushing at his anal opening. Spock's hand reached to his face, ready to ease the pain of penetration, but he had been so well prepared that there was only the indescribable sensation of fullness as he lowered himself down, taking the thick shaft deeply into his body.

"I'd forgotten how good it felt," he whispered as the throbbing bulk filled him. "So warm and alive inside me - part of me... completion at last."

Spock sat up, encircling his bondmate's waist with one arm to pull him closer. Kirk stretched his legs out, crossing his ankles behind the Vulcan's back, burrowing his fingers into the dark hair as he felt Spock's hand stroking his penis, and his mouth was taken in a soft, sensual kiss.

/Don't move,/ he begged through the link. /Leave this to me - I want to do it all...for you./

Resolutely, Spock controlled the urge to thrust into the cool body impaled on his and waited to see what his lover would do. Kirk locked his hands behind the Vulcan's neck and allowed himself to fall backwards to the reach of his arms, then slowly pulled himself back up. A fleeting brush of lips and he fell back gain, only to repeat the movement again and again, tensing and relaxing his rectal muscles as he did so.

The slow, rhythmic movements produced an agonizingly exquisite pressure on Spock's penis without any effort on his part, and not only was there the insistent milking of his straining organ, there was also the indescribable pleasure of watching his lover's rapt face, alive with passion, the shock of each brush of lips, and the feel of the velvet-steel cock in his hand.

He stroked at Kirk gently, refusing to hurry, prolonging the almost painful ecstasy for them both until Kirk's over-stimulated body could no longer resist; he came in surging spasms, his seed bathing the Vulcan's hand, and the convulsions of his orgasm triggered Spock's climax in turn, so that the Human sobbed aloud as the sticky wetness spurted into him, filling him with the slippery heat he had yearned for on so many lonely nights in his cold, empty bed.

"Oh god!" With a sigh of pure contentment Kirk slumped forward to lie across Spock's chest, enjoying the utter security of the arms that held him close. He felt Spock begin to move away, and hugged him tightly.

"Don't go," he murmured. "Stay inside me for a while - I like to feel you."

"Truly?"

"Truly," Kirk affirmed, covering the intent face with soft kisses. "Back on Earth, I used to dream about this. I used to pretend... Spock, when you left for Gol, I almost... asked you to stay." He hesitated. "What would you have said?"

"I would have said no, Jim. The breaking of the bond was... very painful for me - and with its ending I felt such shame and revulsion at my treatment of you. I had hunted you down, forced the bonding on you, brought you here... raped you... I could not remain near you. I had to go - just as I had to return."

"And now that we're together again, can we put the past behind us? We promised each other a new beginning."

Spock smiled thoughtfully. "Then you must remember to keep your vows, T'hy'la," he said teasingly. "I have taken you, my warrior mate - but you are neglecting me... shamefully."

"Oh?" Laughter rippled in Kirk's voice. "We'll soon see about that!" He lowered his head to the Vulcan's mouth, savouring the spicy flavour of the kiss that welcomed him.

"How about a shower?" he suggested, lifting himself away reluctantly.

"That does seem advisable," Spock agreed, accepting Kirk's hand to draw him to his feet.

"One thing." Kirk stopped and looked up, suddenly serious. "I think - if you don't object - we'd better notify Starfleet of our bonding, and request a dependency posting."

"I do not object - I will be proud to claim you as my mate. A dependency posting would be advisable - besides, even if it were not strictly necessary, I should not care to be parted from you. There should be no difficulty - Starfleet is required to recognise a Vulcan bonding. Though it will not please Nogura, I think."

Kirk snorted inelegantly. "He'll see sense," he predicted confidently. "He's no bigot, but I guarantee he'd sooner we were safely out of harm's way on the Enterprise. I don't think he's ready to cope with a Starfleet Admiral bonded to a Vulcan male actually at Fleet Headquarters.

Spock looked troubled. "You think we may encounter hostility?"

"No," Kirk grinned, eyeing his bondmate lecherously. "Jealousy!"


End file.
